The Cynic and Fire Queen
by Napoleon1815
Summary: The cynic executes another social suicide. An inadvertent relationship with the fire queen. Conflicts with a certain devil woman. Dreadful turn of events impelling him in collusion with a mysterious sage. A vicious cycle in the grand scheme of things. In his pursuit for an paragon ideal, a journey marred with deceit, prejudice and self-interests. (P.S. new author, first work.)
1. Unkillable I

She confess

In front of everyone

He watched

Alas

She was shot down

How can such

A beautiful girl

Be rejected?

He sat in his seat

Watching the event unfold

He swirled the coffee in his can

The sweetness was gone

It tasted like poison

His bread was like sand

He stood up.

Each step

Closer to an edge

Prepare to jump the abyss

And pull a soul out

Eyes on him

Closing on him.

"What's the matter?"

What is the matter?

"No one will love a superficial bitch like you. It is only good that you spat it out. Now you can go and kill yourself. Watch as your world crumble before you."

Slap goes a hand

Against his cheek

Blazing green eyes

Brimming with tears

A blur

She left.

His collar was seized

Another pair of eyes

Blue

Against his dead-fish ones.

"What have you done!"

"What you couldn't."

His body was thrown

Down to the floor

He lay

A smirk on his face

Sound of footsteps

To chase the girl

That he had freed.

That he had destroyed.

Peach eyes

From above

Looked down to him

Tears fell

Like rain

He got up

Now, everybody can be happy.

This is how you make a perfect world.

Throw a sacrificial lamb

To appease

The gods

And bring forth peace

Bullshit.

Another social suicide

You cannot kill

What is already dead.

He inwardly smiled

The burning sensation

It was gone

His cheek was red

A teardrop

Wipe it away.

Keep walking

Out and away

And wait

She came

Pink hair swayed past him

He followed.

Each step was heavier

Each breath was tighter

Each eye was sharper

Back to zero.

Enter

Greeted by

A certain ice queen

But now

Another face

Green eyes.

Into the belly of the beast

The air was heavy

Three gazes

Boring holes into him.

"Yo."

"Shut up."

"Why did you do that?"

"I am terribly disappointed in you, Hikigaya-kun."

He clenched his fists

His name became an insult

Ungrateful bastards.

"How rich."

He narrowed his eyes, voice filled with loath.

"You are all full of shit. If you can do better than me, you are welcome to try."

He sat on a chair

Pull out a book

Read

The way he read

People.

"Leave."

"Pardon?"

"Hikigaya Hachiman. Leave this instant."

Her cold voice wavered

Her blue eyes glistened

The ice was shattered

Yet still frozen.

"As you wish."


	2. Unkillable II

Nightfall

Coming home

Through the door

His sister greeted him

What a lovable creature.

"Hey."

"What's with your cheek, onii-chan?"

What's with it?

"Just happy."

The truth.

"Huh? How cheesy! Anyways, dinner is ready."

Hunger is satisfied

The flavor

He could taste

The emotion

He could feel

The last meal.

But not yet

Not yet.

Sleep

Soft pillows

Warm bed

His second love

Slept with him.

Good sleep

The best

After getting killed

Man sleeps better

No dreams tonight.

Wake up

Work

Eat

Shit

Sleep

Repeat.

Another day

In heaven

Or hell.

Eyes on him

Whispering

Scorn and spite

The respect and praise

He deserved.

Time moves fast

Zero in

Alone again

Perfection.

Twelve noon

Heat and wind

Dry and quiet

Better.

But wait!

What is this?

Blonde hair

Swaying in the wind

Heat became cold

Dry became damp

Quiet became dead.

Sit down

And keep calm

Back to zero

No prejudice

All the lies

But sweet.

"No 'hello' or anything?"

"Hello."

"Hikio, you asshole."

"Gee, thanks."

She looked at him

Green met dead

Life and death

Life after death?

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Anger and tears

Fire and smoke

He fed it fuel

Now must douse.

"Who else? You are a blind idiot. Your friends are fake. Your love is drunk. He used you. I broke the illusion."

Tears flow

A crystal stream

It was a bloody business

They never understand

One does not know

Unless the heart is killed

Resurrected

Dead

But undead.

"You hurt me!"

Silence

Freezing to zero

Sniffles are the noise

Cutting the air

Tension thick

Could be cut with a knife

The last nail to his coffin

Now hammer her.

"Sorry."

But no!

Move closer

A bit more

Once again

Point blank range

Shoot to thrill

Play to kill?

"What the hell Hikio. You hurt me then you apologize? Like it's nothing? You don't understand!"

"I don't."

I do

Do I?

Maybe.

Stand up

Walk away

You missed the shot

Now a wounded girl

Followed him like a shadow

A wolf

Weak but fierce

A queen.

A game of chess

He was a pawn

Insignificant

Yet the controller of the game

Lethal blunder

Killshot missed

Plague lingers

He knew he would pay

The mistake of sparing the queen

Miura Yumiko.


	3. Unkillable III

Another day

Zoom through

In and out

Business as usual

Minus one

But no plus one.

Journey to the machine

Decent enough

Offering him

His alcohol

For the pain.

There she is again

What business

No reason to spend time

A man such as him

He despised nice girls

Hated superficial ones

Scorned the creatures called

Youth.

Only in death could these poor souls

Learn the lesson

That youth is a lie

Joy is an illusion

Love is blind

Marriage is institution to the blind

And Riajuus could go and explode.

Sit down

Relax

The woman beside him

It did not matter

It was an illusion

Tricks and nightmares.

"Hikio!"

A nightmare

That can pull him

Out of his thoughts?

"Huh?"

"Are you deaf?"

"Good question."

She punched him on the arm

Lacked power

Inflicted annoyance

With a bit of amusement.

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Wipe that bored look on your face!"

"No way. It's an expensive makeup called 'Apathy'."

"What?"

Sarcasm is like love. Not everybody gets it.

"Huh? Where did that come from?"

"Did I think out loud?"

"That does not, like make any sense."

Keep rolling your eyes bitch. You may just find your brain back there.

"Hee-Ouch!"

"Who you callin' a bitch?!"

Fire queen mode on

Critical hit damage increased

Sevenfold a hundred

One more strike to the head

I'm out.

"Seriously. You shouldn't talk so straightforward."

"I do?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

"Don't just kill the conversation!"

"Did I?"

"Yes. My back hurts."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. From carrying this conversation!"

He smiled.

It was impressive

The capability

Riajuu and sarcasm

A bizarre mix

But interesting nonetheless.

"Stop staring, creep."

"Am I?"

"What else?"

"I have eyes."

"Dead fish eyes."

Did a certain ice queen teach you this?

"No."

Apparently not

Apparently his thoughts are now audible.

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"You."


	4. Consequence I

Is this a trick question?

"No."

"Esper. And what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Actually, I don't."

Be a bit more original, will you?

Breathe

Prepare for impact

The answer

Why me?

"I left my friends."

Unexpected answer.

"I stopped loving him."

Love?

"I don't want to be used again."

Tears flowed once more.

"I don't want to be blind. I want to see.

I don't want an illusion. I want something genuine."

"You do hear what you are saying right?"

"Oh shut up! This is all your fault!"

"Actually, I think the confession part is on your liability."

"I swear to god I will beat you to a pulp if you keep being a smartass. Hikio."

"Please don't. I want to live and writhe in suffering for another day."

"Hmph. Take responsibility."

Are you pregnant?!

"Idiot no!"

"Ouchie!"

"I'm telling you, this is why you don't have friends."

"But I don't want fr-"

"Quiet you. You should be grateful. I'm putting up with your antics for this long!"

"Who are you, my mother?"

"Eww gross. If I was, I would've put you up for adoption."

"Oi. I have feelings too you know."

"How rich."

"What a poor imitation of me. Ceasefire now?"

"On one condition."

"Oh lord."

"You have to be my..."

"Spit it out."

"Friend! And don't get any wrong ideas because I-"

First a queen of fire

Then ice

Then a fox

What a colorful woman.

"Whatever. What do you even wish to attain with this 'Friendship'?"

"I want something Ge-nui-ne."

Who died and made you queen of sarcasm?

"Haha! Look at that stupid look on your face!"

"I always look stupid."

"Yeah, but you look extra stupid right now."

"Ceasefire now!"

"Giving up?"

"Yes."

"Aww, you're too easy."

Don't make me hard.

"Guh! Keep your lewd thoughts to yourself!"

"Esper!"

Friends.

Such a nice word.

Too bad it is quite fragile

In reality

Mutual interest

Another word for it

Capitalist greed

No such thing as friends

Only mutual interest.

Capitalizing on profit

One suffers

The other prospers

However

I will not be fooled again

This is simply payback

The fallout

Consequence of a nuclear strike.


	5. Consequence II

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Something terribly stupid that will destroy us both."

"You! Keep your mouth shut!"

Bell rings

Prison break

Give twelve hours

Walking out the door

Freedom from this wretched place

Alas.

A certain airhead

No greetings

Nowhere to be seen

Vanished into the air.

No more conscription

Sentence is served

Service Club was forced labor

Unfortunately

One that I have come to love.

Love your job, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

"Huh? That's like, so cheesy."

"Stop reading my mind."

"I kinda like it."

Reduce speed

Each footstep

Shift from leading to following

Side by side spawns rumors

But following twenty feet behind

The perfect pace.

"Quit doing that shit!"

"Oi! Let go of my arm!"

"You keep moving slower and slower everytime I let you catch up to me!"

"Now now. I think you know better than to walk beside a creep like me."

"So you admit it?"

"Idiot, no. That's not the point. People will get the wrong idea."

"What happened to 'I don't care what people think'?"

"No problem with that. But knowing you, it may be not be a good idea."

"I don't care."

"Say what now?"

"I told you before. I want something real. How can you be friends with someone you don't want to be seen with in public?"

"Excellent answer to the wrong question. You're still up about being friends with me?"

"You have a problem with that?"

"What if I do?"

"Bite me."

"It's a criminal offense."

"Good boy."

"Tch."

The staccato of footsteps

A pair of it

One traipsed with a certain lightness

And the other shuffled like the dead.

"Why are you following me?"

"Don't be absurd. I live over there."

"Hikio, I know what I said awhile ago but please refrain from following me like a predator."

"Oh please. You are not that interesting to begin with."

"What did you say!"

"Nothing! You are the fairest maiden among the land!"

What does it mean

If one's heart skips a beat?

Fear or ecstasy

Or a reaction induced by chemical means?

Cheeks redden

Her eyes widen

Quickly look away

Blunt the effects.

"Gosh, Hikio. You are so low. To think that I thought you are different. Here you are hitting on me. How wicked, taking advantage of my poor broken heart!"

"Oh please. I clearly am not."

"Hmph."

Wave her off

Keep the provocation at bay

Did she pick up

Traits of a foxy kouhai?

What a strange woman.


	6. Consequence III

Left and right

March forward

The scent of smoke

Orange skies

At this hour he would expect

To be in a room

With a certain ice queen

And an airheaded girl.

Now en route

With new found time

No company

But just as he wanted.

"Oi Hikio. Are you not going to walk me home?"

"You have legs. Use it."

"Don't try me. If I catch you tomorrow, I will have you drag me through the gates."

"Oh alright."

Follow the blonde girl

Like candle in the dark

Candle and the dark?

Contemplate the execution

Missed calculation

Miscalculation

Leading to the current situation.

"Hey."

"What?"

"I am sorry. I should not have done what I did."

"Hikio, you're an asshole alright. But I can't deny that you had a point."

It was an unforeseen result

He threw himself on the explosive

Mitigate the damage

Reset the timer to zero.

Status quo is a bomb

Waiting to explode

Everything had a timer

He was the defuser

A bomb agent

Unfortunately it blew up

Right in his face.

"Why did you even do that? You're like, so edgy."

"What does that even mean?"

"Never mind that. Answer the question."

Draw the fire

From the targets

To him, the diversion.

"Can you really swallow up your pride?"

Strike the ego

Bullseye

Expect a violent reaction

That did not come?

Her cheeks flushed red.

"W-what?"

Green eyes

Proud and commanding

Fierce yet shy

Strong but vulnerable

A queen and a girl.

"Oh shut up!"

"Gladly."

He knew he should not

To pity another person

A privilege reserved

For the condescending

If pity is mockery

Then heartlessness is respect.

"Where are your friends?"

"I'm with him right now."

"No, the other friends."

"There's none."

Was this another anomaly

A fatal mistake

Faux pas in the end

Yet with all factors accounted for?

Not all.

Human emotions.

An incalculable factor.

"That's why. Don't leave me."


	7. Antidote I

Days pass

Turn to weeks

Leaves in the wind

People and society

Go with the flow

Some float dead

Most paddle along

But I swim to the side.

High noon and evening

Gold and black meet

One of fire

The other of gloom

Courage and logic

Perfection when combined

Volatile on it's own.

Exchange pleasantries

Or what is pleasant

Sparks and cool fly

A regular affair

Queen and pawn

On equal grounds.

"Oi Hikio."

"Hmm?"

"Why did Hayato reject me?"

"Good question."

Love and reciprocation

Coffee and sugar

Yet the two do not come together

No promo packs

No guarantee

Chance of destruction

Fifty fifty.

"Ouch!"

"Answer the question!"

"Did you love him?"

"W-what- I am the one asking the questions!"

"No fair. Answer for an answer."

"Love... him..."

She lingered on the words

Like a hunter on a bog

In a swamp of lies and deceit

The genuine game

Was nowhere to be found.

"Maybe... I think... yeah."

"Maybe-I think-Yeah. Make up your mind woman."

"Oh damn you! What do you think?!"

"I think you never loved him at all."

"H-huh?"

"You're just drunk."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean!"

"You love someone you need, not want. Someone with true colors. Not a pretty boy in a mask."

"Hikio. Don't try to sound cool. You sound more like an old man."

"Maybe I am."

"Whatever. I'm not into older guys."

"Excellent."

"Did you love someone once?"

Love?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

One can love food

Love family

Love life

The essentials

But to love someone

Is to push a knife

To oneself's heart.

A mutual suffering

Joint operation

Leading to marriage

A household

Consisting of a master

And a mistress

Two slaves

Making in all, two.

"I was an idiot once. Yes, maybe I did."

"Huh? Are you implying that I am an idiot?"

Assumptions are a reflection

Of the self.

"Maybe you assumed that implication because you are an idiot."

Two hands

An arm shackled

Pulled his face closer to hers

Smile

A lethal smile.

"Say. that. Again."

Wrong move

Head off

What is the correct answer

To the death sentence?

"Please don't kill me."

"What kind of monster to you think I am?!"

Ice queen

Devil superwoman

Killer fox

Witchy woman.

Witchy woman?

"Yowch! What was that for?!"

Pinch and twist to the side

Pulls the skin and soul

From the physical shell

With pain and torture.

"What do you mean witchy woman?!"

"I said pretty woman!"

Her face bloomed

Crimson in shock

Mix confusion and embarassment

A priceless expression.

"Hey Hikio."

"Y-yes?"

"You're full of shit."

Tell a woman that she is beautiful

She assumes a lie

Tell a woman that she is hideous

She gets angry

End result:

"Go die in a fire."

"No wonder Hayato shot you down."

"What did you say!"

Full speed ahead!

Run like the devil is after you

Literally and figuratively

Sharp claws grab his back

An arm wraps around him

Another attacks him

Repeated strikes

Not killing blows

Playful hits.


	8. Antidote II

The moment of judgement

Settle disputes

Clear grudges

Court trial

He was the defendant

The witness

Jury and judge

Persecutor to himself.

Door heavy as stone

The sign an illegible glyph

Air of poison gas

His responsibility

Deal with the consequence

Involving two accomplices

Two people.

They were diamonds

In a world of coal and soot

Rare and precious

An idea manifesting a physical form

The idea

Friends.

A man such as him

Do not deserve such privilege

Men without remorse

Compassion nor empathy

He does not deserve such blessings

Two people

Perfectly imperfect

But real.

No.

He would be content

A measly deal

Agreement with a fire queen

Truly a blatant lie

Unbelievable illusion

Unlike the two people in the room

The blonde woman

She was a mirage.

A friendship

Forged in pain and delusion

Yes, it would have to do

Stave off insanity

For the antidote was out of reach

Because he did not value it enough.

"Hikki..."

"Hikigaya-kun."

"Yuigahama Yui. Yukinoshita Yukino."

Their names

Left his lips

With his last drops of emotion

He put sincerity

Regardless of the grief.

The two women looked at him

The way one would look

Face at gunpoint

Two bullets

But he will shoot himself

Twice.

"Hikki... It's been days. Where have you been?"

"I apologize."

More shocked expressions.

"Not for what I did, but because I left matters with you two hanging."

"I see that you have been spending time with Miura-san, Hikigaya."

"Yes."

"It is good. Apologies accepted. However, you are still a member of the club."

She closed her eyes.

"This is why I am making a request."

"A request?"

A request?

Perhaps an obligation

But if this is retribution

Then so be it.

"Save Miura-san."

He knew what she meant

A silent understanding

Strangely enough

One that the pink haired girl

Also understands.

He nodded.

"I am requesting to leave the club."

Blue eyes looked at dead fish ones

Her face seemed surprised

But unfazed

As if she knew all along

The plot to unfold.

"Granted."

Turn back

Walk away

Each step

Heavier than the previous

Each chain

Yet when cut

Brought no lightness

No more

Next company

Deal with the devil

Alcoholic desires.

Looking back one last time.

"Yui. Yukino."

First time

First name

He loved them.

"Thank you."

Before he knew

Arms wrapped him

Warm embrace

Sweet smell of fruit.

"Hikki..."

"I loved you two..."

He whispered. Any louder and he would break.

"Hikigaya-kun."

She stood there in front of him.

He nodded.

It was mutual

A subtle understanding

They could have been

That idea

Friends.

It was genuine

It was selfish

It was within reach

Yet out of grasp

In front of him

Yet so far.

Leave

Farther

They did not see

Tears

He was too proud

Too weak

Too strong

One more step before zero.


	9. Antidote III

Deep in the night

Another figure

Lay on a bed

Contemplating.

The shot was fired

Heart was torn open

Reality had set in

Like plaster over a gash

She had lost everything

In a wild gamble

Threw all at stake

All or nothing.

Now it was gone

Sweet relationships

Good company

All exchanged

For a chance at the boy she loved.

The blue skies

His eyes

Golden leaves in the wind

His hair

The sunset

The smile that she wanted

Only to realize

It was never about her.

That fateful day

When the question was answered

Cold truth

It was no love.

She was drunk.

A cynic generously rubbed salt on the wound.

Ironically, it healed her.

Slowly but surely.

It was a pathetic relationship

She was a parasite

Clinged to the host she knew would not abandon her.

On the other hand, He was about to mount another offensive.

One that will destroy

This relationship he so despised

The parasiticism

For better

Or for worse.

One more day

Two misfits meet

They sensed tension in the air

He was quick to act

No hesitation

Cut the strings

Reset to zero

This time

Truth will materialize.

"Miura."

"You say something?"

Traces of fear could be detected

In her eyes

Emerald green

Dead black

Contrast with bad results.

"This is a mistake."

"What are you talking about?"

"This relationship is not real. You and I cannot be friends."

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Can't you see? You are not in the right mind-"

"Are you saying that I'm out of my mind?!"

"Basically, yes."

Iron grip on his collars

Level him to her face

Tears start to gather

Green eyes blazing

Deeper than the night sky.

"This is your fault! You broke me! You fix me!"

"Hold on. You were the one who gambled everything for Hayato."

"And you added insult to the injury! Everything was going to be alright until you came along and screwed it all up!"

"And leave you to be the laughing stock of the school after your foolish confession? I did what I had to do, try and save you the embarassment."

"Nobody asked you to. It didn't go as planned, did it?!"

"No, apparently not."

"That's why take responsibility."

Sniffles were the sound

Accompanied by faint light

Evening seemed alot colder

A mess of blonde hair

Drenched his chest with tears.

"I can't fix you. You are the only one who can do that. I'm broken too."

"T-then... don't destroy our friendship."

When two broken things

Cross paths

Do they create something whole?

No. It just creates a pile of trash.

"Ay-ouch! Don't bite!"

"I heard you! You're pretty trash as well! Hikio!"

"Yeah..."

"You... may be full of shit... but atleast you're honest."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?"

"Maybe both."

She wiped her red eyes

Her face was a mess

Yet she was still a beauty

Illuminated by the stars

She gave a smile

Weak

But genuine.

"Friends?"

It was a question from the cynic.

"Friends."


	10. Tandem I

Days pass

Move forward

Time flowed like the wind

Seasons change

So does relationships

One bloomed

From an unlikely pair

A pessimist

And a bright flame.

Once he saw

Her former friends smile at him

He understood

The price for something

Real and within grasp

Bitter yet sweet

Leave what you have

To pursue what you could get.

"Hikitani-kun."

"Ebina-san."

"Take care of Yumiko for me."

It was a bitter smile.

Yet it was happier than anything

Since the days

Her clique was a pleasant façade

But too see something worthwhile

Was worth breaking

A thousand hearts.

Is it?

"Hachiman, let's go."

"On a first name basis now are we, Hikitani?"

Of course. It was her who insisted on it.

"Oi. You look like you don't like it. Would you rather have Hachio for a nickname?"

"Hell no. That's worse than Hikio. Let's go. See you around, Ebina-san."

It became a typical affair

Six past midday

School is out

Two of them go out

To kill time and to satisfy hunger

His treat this time

Free food is free food

But he had morals

So repay.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"I dunno. You?"

"Saize."

"Ha! Wrong answer!"

"Oi. This isn't a quiz."

"Gosh, you're so hopeless. We've been going out for some time now and you still don't know a girl's preference!"

Food is food. Anyway, it's my treat."

"No fair. I bring you to fancy cafés and you bring me to a cheap family diner?"

"...Ramen?"

"Better."

Food tastes good

When eaten with good company

Better by oneself

Best when free.

Several years ago

Such a sight would be a dream

To see a pretty girl

In front of him

As they dined on hot ramen

Filling soup

Good company

A regular occurrence.

Two polar opposites

Learn from each other

Little lessons

From about life

sometimes about fashion

Such is humor.

The cynic introduced hot ramen and cold logic.

The fiery woman showed popular wear and youthful thinking.

Quite foolish

A bit absurd

Genuine?

Close enough.

He could get used to it.


	11. Tandem II

The proverb

Holds true

Everything

Has a price

Even social interactions

Rob one

Of precious currency

Another slow induced poison

Subtle

But expensive.

"Hachio!"

Horrible nickname for a terrible man.

"Yes?"

"Let's go buy me a dress."

"Do I look like money to you?"

"Quite the opposite actually. You may even get a discount for looking broke."

"Sounds good."

"Hey! I bought you that shirt!"

"I'll buy you one too. Get even."

"Mou, that's not the point."

The point of gifts

To satisfy

Material desires

Gain favour

Another word

Buying debt.

"Fine. That blue on looks you?"

"What'd you think?"

"Clothes are usually dependent on the appearance of the wearer."

"Doesn't answer my question."

"Doesn't matter. You look good, anything on looks good."

There comes a point

One gets used

Pretty girls blushing

A deadly trap

But not for veterans.

"H-Hachi! Where'd that come from?!"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Come on. Let's get this over with."

They say

A little expense

Does not hurt

Obviously not

A pebble weighs light

Enough of it

You will break your back

Carrying the expense.

Another saying

Money can't buy happiness.

Those who said that

Probably didn't have any.

Source: me.

"Hachi! You were spacing out again."

"Oh yeah."

"Well?"

"Huh. Looking good."

"T-thanks."

Deep blue

Reminded me

An ice cold beauty

Pristine crystal

In a world of mirrors

She did not reflect

But shone herself.

A contrast

Blonde fire

Unlike ice

A unique beauty

But like a flame

Come too close

You will burn yourself.

"Hey Hachiman."

"Hmm?"

"Can you see the character of a person by what he wears?"

"In a sense. Yes."

"So... are you boring?"

"Perhaps. I'm more like bored."

"That's like saying I'm boring!"

"Oh no. You are fairly tolerable."

"That does not, like make any sense."

"Better that way."

"You're fairly tolerable as well."

"Oi. Copycat."

"Tch. Whatever."

One of the best things

Unusual and rare

Yet strangely

Mutual understanding

Conversations in silence

Only the sound of footsteps

Under the moonlight

Small talk

Cherry on the cake.

"Hachiman."

"Yeah?"

"Nothing."

"Uh huh."

The greatest conversations

Spoken in a few words

And silence.

"This is awkward."

"I like it quiet."

"Seriously. I might as well talk to a brick wall."

"You talk to brick walls?"

"Oh, not just that. Even concrete ones and wire fences!"

Truly a peculiar mix

Well appreciated nevertheless

Superficial masks

Shallow personalities

Reveal deep character

Spiced with sarcasm.

"Did Yukinoshita teach you the art of sarcasm?"

"What gave you that idea?"

"You're a bit like her."

"Oh please. Only a bit. I'm way better than her."

"I like your confidence."

"Thanks."

No. That was not a compliment.

"Are you saying that I'm inferior to Yukino?"

"Mind reader. Take a good guess."

The fire queen

Two types of smiles

Killer smile

About to kill you smile.

"Hachiman."

"Oh no. I did not say anything. You were aware of that fact yourself."

Women

Do not underestimate

Capacity of force

Match for a riot police

Bench vice grip

Hell hath no fury

A woman scorned.

Killer beauty.

"What do you mean Killer Beauty!"

"Oof! Woman, this is assault!"

"You deserved it."

"Tch."

"Don't tch me."

"Alright now. Good night Yumiko."

"Hang out tomorrow?"

"To hell with that. I'm busy."

"Lies. I'll come over."

"Please do."

Waving goodbye

Primitive signals

Useful language

Conveys message

Concise and simple

No verbal exchange required

Poor are the blind

No offense.

Saturday

Second favourite S word

Fingers crossed

Killer Beauty bluffs

Much needed solace

Soul consuming

To feed her flame.


	12. Tandem III

Cool room

Snacks on one side

Towel on the other

Virtual connections

Perfectly acceptable

Alternative to physical interaction

Gaming controller

Consider it realistic action

Carried over a digital medium.

Wake up

Eat

Play

Repeat.

Pathetic cycle

Only few understand

Die in game

Pop cracker in mouth

Paint towel cheddar orange

Respawn

Repeat.

Peaceful atmosphere

Annihilated

Sudden entry

Unwelcome intrusion

Threat was proven true

With the presence

Of a certain fire queen.

"Surprised?"

"This is private property."

"What are you, a cop?"

"I'll call one."

"Try me."

"What do you want?"

"Just bored."

"Komachi let you in?"

"Of course."

"Impossible."

"I passed as a 'girlfriend'."

"And you lied. How low."

"She assumed it."

"And you entertained the idea."

"Be grateful. I'm the only girl willing to put up with you."

"Not so. There's Yuigahama and Yukinoshita."

"Yeah. But Yui is always nice and Yukinoshita is just as rotten as you."

Raise hands

A sign of concession

White flags

No stopping a fire

Not this one at least.

"Oi. That's mine."

"Sharing is caring."

"I don't care."

"Of course you don't."

What creature

Sneaks into your dwelling

Pesters you

Consumes food

And patience alike?

A pest.

"The controller!"

"Who you calling a pest!"

"You're being a pest right now."

"Let's see. Hook up another control."

"Your pick."

"Left 4 dead?"

"Gee. I didn't know you liked these things."

"I like zombie survival."

"Strange woman."

"Shut up and get started."

There goes the story

How a cynical loner

Spent hours

With a fierce beauty

In the most bizarre fashion

Of playing a console game

Highlighted by alternating picking

Two hands emptying a bowl

Painting a towel orange

Occasional screaming

Followed by annoyed sighs.

"Well that was fun."

"Hate to admit, but it was quite entertaining."

"Huh?! Onii-chan! I'm proud you had yourself a girlfriend, but I did not expect you to go at it for hours!"

Two pairs of eyes

One olive green

Glistening evilly

Accompanied by a sly smirk

And blue ones

Painted by shock

And disgust?

"Komachi. whatever this woman told you are not true."

"Oh Hachiman! How could you! After all that, you push me away!"

Clever bitch. Always the actress.

"Onii-chan. Take responsibility."

Indeed

Smiles

Most versatile

Of all expressions

One can show

Happiness or anger

Pity or apathy

Killing intent or sinister plights.

He shook his head in defeat.

Denial is always tantamount

A proof

Of false truth.

"Hey Yumi-chan, you should join us for dinner. Food is ready!"

"Yeah sure! I'm famished by all that action."

"Ahem. She means zombie killing action."

"Yeah right."

Eventually

One comes to terms

Such absurdity

Becomes normalcy

Lies become truth

Scorn shift to respect

And maybe

Loath turn to love?

In front of him

A sister

A friend

And him

A brother

And a fellow friend.

Sometimes

Family

Not by blood

But in bond.

Laughter

Chatter

Banter

In-jokes

Out-jokes

He could taste

Flavor

He could feel

Emotions

Good food

And good company

Ask for no more.

Three's a crowd

A family

And friends.


	13. Revelations I

Everyone is

A slave

One way

Or another

Men fulfill

Biddings

Of life

Metaphysical self

Human necessities

Selfish desires

Freedom

Powerful illusions

Induced by ambition

Seeking attention

Acceptance

Refusal of faults

Endless pursuit

Perfection.

Coffee in can

Sweet nectar

Tempered by bitter notes

Swirl in circles

Life rotates in cycles

Sacrifice

Required to achieve

Destruction of system

An instance

Miliseconds of freedom

Bought with years

Of solitude

And suffering.

"Hello, Hikigaya-kun."

"Hayama."

Two men

One of the sun

The other of the moon

Polar opposites

Striking similarities

Volatile combinations

Equal atrocity

Glazed heavily

Inferiority complex

Implicit greed

Destructive ideals.

"I apologize for what I did last time."

"Don't. Just. Get to the point."

Cut the chase

Pull the curtain

To beat around

The bush of lies

Delay the imminent

Attempts to dilute

Concentration

Repulsive revelations.

"You operate under rotten principles that jeopardize your own honor and pride. Nevertheless, you accomplish feats neither I or anyone else could."

"Do not talk about my honor nor my pride."

How daring. Hypocrisy at its finest.

"Hikigaya-kun. Learn to value yourself."

"Stop bitching about your values. To do as I please shows enough value for my freedom of choice."

"Unfortunately true."

"Unlike you, shackled by expectation. Imprisoned in a wretched status quo. Freedom inside a field of lies. I watch from beyond the fences."

"I am in no position to ask for any more requests-"

"Damn right."

"-given that you are no longer in the service club."

Few can see

Through miniscule fractures

In a brilliant display

Of perfection

A mask

Concealing imperfection

Revealing mortality

The prince

Of lies.

"I salvaged your precious clique in Kyoto. I assured Miura in doubts regarding your future courses. And of course, courtesy of me; I saved her from the consequences of her foolish little stunt."

"Foolish, yes."

"You threw something precious away."

"You said it yourself, she is superficial."

"Because your vision is superficial."

"Why do you care about her so much?"

"Because she is my friend."

Laughter

Indeed

How absurd.

Face to face

With self

Several years earlier

A statement

Translate to lies

Blind steps

Leading to a cliff

Abyssal disappointment.

Deep inside

Subtle realizations

A lovely farce

Lies are sweet

She is sweet

Thus

It was never true.

Not yet.

"I'm sorry for laughing. I just, did not expect that for an answer."

"This is me we're talking about."

"Now you've mentioned it, no. I want to talk about Miura-san."

"I refuse."

"Hear me out. I just want the best for her-"

"Nonsense. Remember, you were the one who turned her down."

"You don't understand."

"I do. You want to keep your precious clique? Go fix it yourself."

"Now now. Hikigaya, that's a bit selfish."

"Look who's talking."

To be selfish

Is to be human

If so

Then so be it.

Inhumanity is high benevolence.

"Your brilliant methods failed this time. All I want is for her to rebuild a relationship with us."

"Another association reeking of deception?"

The biggest failure is failure to learn.

Learn from failure.

"I promise. This time, it will be real."

"Do not promise to me. Promise to her."

Additionally, never make promises.

If such vows resulted in death

Few will dare

Fabricate such ribbons

Tying souls

In deadly connections.

"I'll do the least I can."

"Thank you."

"Why did you turn her down?"

"You wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

"I love Yukinoshita."

But does she love you?

"Yes."

What is with people

Gaining meticulous

Capability to read minds?

"You will hurt Miura with a revelation of such relationship."

"Of course."

"Do not expect her to accept a measly friendship as a substitute."

"Do not bend the agreement."

"I never agreed. I will do the least I can."

"Tell me, Hayama. How far will you go for love?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"Good question."

"Farther than you."

Little boy. I am miles ahead of you.

"We could've been friends."

"Of course. 0.001 percent is still a chance."

"But I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual."


	14. Revelations II

Blue eyes

Betray weakness

Behind superiority

Perceived perfection

Lie a weak man

Plagued by inferiority.

Realize the truth.

What is worse than being looked down upon?

When the lowest of the low supersede you.

Source: me.

"We are not equals. Not now, never will."

"I'm glad you realized your value, Hikigaya-kun."

"No. You realized your value."

"Farewell then."

Raise a hand

Wave off

One must respect

Enemies

Hold in high regard

The greater the rival

The greater the glory

When conquered.

Orange skies

Prelude to darkness

Light

Before the storm

Winter closes in

Cold frost

Slowly creeping in

Beautiful crystallizations

Behind the black ice

Memories

Of a certain ice queen.

Presence of warmth

Reminders

Heat of autumn

Announce the radiance

Ice and fire

Latter sets my world ablaze

Build up from the ashes

Something potential

Genuine constructions

With a dear friend.

There is no perfection.

There is only choice.

Choose which lie to believe in.

Even so, there is no choice.

End is nigh.

"Hachi. I'm surprised you asked me out to here."

"Well. About that..."

Her eyes widen

Emerald green

Golden hair

Powerful contrast

Better.

From a thin paper bag

Produce deep blue

A humble jacket

Backed by

Superstitious belief.

They say it is not so much about the gift.

More on the intentions behind it.

Disregard the brass rule.

If so, then this is prelude to a grim revelation.

Gifts work wonders to mitigate a volatile reaction.

"Oh Hachio! Thank you."

"Tut-tut. What did we talk about regarding that nickname."

"Oi! Hachio! Give that to me!"

Sigh. Fire will always be fire.

"I figured you'd like it."

"Gee thanks. You really like blue?"

"Perhaps."

"I guess you're pretty blue, it'd make sense."

"Cheap pun."

"Hmph! Well whatever. It fits, I think I'll keep it."

"You think?"

Such a smile

A new type

No longer menacing

Replace killer instincts

With warm gratitude

Quite beautiful.

"Stop staring. Hikkimo."

"Oi. None of that nicknames."

"You seem pensive. What's up?"

"Now that you've mentioned it. Don't you think it'd be good to re-establish relationships with your clique? Ebina-san, the fools."

"They're not fools!"

A little punch followed by a giggle never hurt.

"What made you think that?"

"Well, I was wondering maybe-"

"You want to be friends?!"

"No no. You have it all wr-"

"Oh Hachiman!"

Raise the white flag. Lost battle.

"Well come think of it, you are right."

"Of course."

"Mou, Hachi. You can't keep acting so condescending if you really want friends."

"Whatever."

"Say... what about Hayato?"

"Don't ask me. It's between you two."

"Advice?"

"From a seventeen year old? Not good."

"But it's you, Hachi."

"You make me sound like an old man."

"Maybe you are."

"Oh fine. What do you think? Still love him?"

"Don't mock me!"

"I'm not. Anyways, if you do like him, not like I can do anything to stop you."

"Are you jealous?"

"Hell no. Last thing I want is to be baited by some pretty boy."

"If Hayato didn't exist, I'd probably choose you."

"Is that a compliment or a provocation?"

"Take a good guess."

If this woman didn't exist, I'd be peacefully reclining in a chair.

Sweet cup of tea.

Two beautiful women and a book.

"Hachi..."

Those eyes

By now

Such language

Can be translated

Women

Possesive tendencies

Pulling an ear close

Death whispers.

"Who's on your mind?"

"N-nothing of interest."

"Are two women not interesting?"

"I-I can't lie. Quite satisfactory I say."

"Hachi!"

Killer smile

To bright smirk

And chilling frown.

"Choose wisely."

Not so simple.

One cannot

Apply criteria

Of choosing by quality

Especially with women

Given the unpredictability

And accompanying costs.

New women, new expenses.

Thus, prime reason for monogamy.

"What do you mean prime reason?"

"You were saying?"

"Hachio. I can hear you from a mile away."

"Highly unlikely."

"Oh whatever."


	15. Revelations III

"Hey Hachiman."

"You say something?"

"You think I should rekindle a relationship with Hayato?"

Once bitten

Twice shy

Fool me once

Shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

To move forward, you must learn.

Those who cannot learn, die.

"Ay-ouch! My arm!"

"Hachi! What do you mean die!"

"Woman, you cannot assume!"

"I heard you."

"Oh alright."

Inhale

Exhale

Operating procedure

Offer advice

Expect criticism

Analogize to self.

"Do what you want."

If someone

Asks for advice

Tell him to do

As he pleases

And he will come back

For your advice.

Thus

The best advice to all

Do what you want

And do not regret.

"Then I'll try again. Hayato..."

He wanted to scream

To break out

Unleash furious anger

Men who cannot

See value in little things

Desire for gold

Failure to appreciate

To a rich man

Diamond is a stone.

To a poor man, it is a star.

A lump in throat

Cold sweat

Fear

Gut feelings do not betray

Bad vibes detected

An answer

Difference

Between

Loss or gain.

Choose wisely.

"If I were you, I'd bury Hayama six feet under."

"Ahaha! Hachio! You're jealous!"

"No. It's not that."

"How cute."

"As a good friend, I offer golden advice."

As a friend

Humorous farce

A frivolous affair

Of self deception

Depreciation

Lies and truth

Deal

With the devil

Witch curse

He was hexed

Attempt to foretell

Lethal results.

"Hachi."

Once more

Frightening memories

He did not fear

Left behind

Typical business

This was different

Something fatal.

"Yeah. Knowing you, forward is the only way. Go..."

Deep inside

Knowledge

A good friend

Will never answer

He was no good friend

His advice

A double edged

Sword

Who uses it

Mistakes result

Horrifying destruction

Or pristine success

Hoping for the latter.

"Go get him, tiger."

"Right on, Hikio. Let's go."

Miura Yumiko

Such a name

Years ago

He would know

On the other hand

She would not

The name

Hikigaya Hachiman

Does not exist.

Existence is determined by acknowledgement.

Acknowledgement is respect.

Thus

A repulsive cynic

He had his

Recognition

Fame and Infamy

But a queen

Must feed off

Extravagance and royalty

Ignorance means death

Irrelevance

Equal to non-existence

Not for a cynic

Not him.

Terrible blunder

Taking the bait

Falling for the trap

Twice!

Game of chess

Miura

Black Queen

Hayama

White King

Suppose Yukinoshita

The white Queen

He was a pawn

Yet the controller of the game.

Gambit

White forward

He could do little

Hold the line

Hope for a miracle

Watching the queen

Move

Position

Scholar's mate.

Unfortunately

Not so.

Trap.

She took it

In horror

He watched

Loners will see

Cynics sense

But Queens

Of the social hierarchy

Are blind.

Fool's mate.

Only a fool will fall for it.


	16. Pawns I

In another view

A sly optimist

Erase doubts

Trying.

Try.

Gather the strength

One more

Attempt

Faith

Reach

For desire

Out of grasp

But within sight.

She lay

On a bed

Linen thoughts

Contemplate

Possibility.

The prince

Suppose

She was the princess

And Queen

He broke her

Used her

She had been blind

Faked

Drunk

Dazzled

By illusions.

Her jester

Cynic

Loner

Pessimist

Advocate of the devil

In her golden court

Her heart

He taught

In the most rotten of ways.

Rub salt on wound

Add insult to injury

Mock her antics

Berate her stupidity

Turn a blind eye on her affections

Yet point out her imperfections.

Nevertheless

He was real

Not fake

No masks

True to self

Revealing

Dead fish eyes

Familiar to grief

Memorized deception

Wise and cold

Cruel kindness

Concealing a faint light

Brighter than anything

She would see.

Remember his advice.

He was the jester, cynic and sage.

In his own words, a good friend.

Once again

Traipse the edge

An abyss

And paradise

Stared at it

Back at her.

She was not afraid.

Not anymore.

Assume

He would catch her

Not let her fall

Even if

The cost is steep.

For him, a small price to pay.

In her pursuit for blind perfection

Just as he had predicted

Humans would

Can

And will be blinded

By glistening deception.

Look for the glow

Not for the shine

The latter

Merely a reflection

Of genuine character

Emulated by a second.

He glowed in the dark

The other shone by his light

Confusion

But decision

Follow the shine.

No judgements.

In another

A cynic

On his own bed

Of thoughts

Writhing

Like a dying snake

But not for trivial reasons.

No.

Gut feelings

Primal instincts

Telling him

Lingering blunder

Not of jealousy

Or anger

Depression

But fear.

He had a good friend

Be it a fiery one

Consuming

Destructive

Despicable

Beautiful

Kind

Loving

Deeper character

Than seen by most

By then

He would realize

When his supposed friends

Hated his cynicism

Refusing him for good

A fallen Queen

Dared stoop down

To his level

As an equal.

Friend

Such a nice word

A capitalist idea

One feeds off the other

Formerly parasitic

Possibly symbiotic

Deny as he would

Be it a lie

He appreciated it.

He was a poor man.

Not any more.

Her presence

Rich

In love and mutuality

Something

He was trash

But she acknowledged him

Eventually

Conclude their relationship.

Not all

Love

Different

Shapes and forms

He did not need

But mutual assistance

Marginally lower commitment

Admittedly

Lasting longer

Than romanticism

Tempered by sex

But friendship?

Ask for no more.

Miura Yumiko

A name

Something more

On the level

Of a certain airhead

Ice queen

Possibly higher

Perhaps more genuine

What could it be

Friends?

Friends.

She will take what she could.

He will take what he has.


	17. Pawns II

Slowly

But surely

Rebuild

Social structures

With an extra hand

One he associated

Setting

Pieces

The Queen

The Cynic

A fujoshi

Fool

Two rooks

A king

Or prince for that matter.

He smiled.

Once

All he knew

Solutions

Cold logic

Calculative maneuvers

Definitive factors

Anticipate

Expected results

Now realize

Human emotion.

A sensei

Come to a conclusion

Marriage

Require mental fortitude

Thus

Those who were spared

Re-spec

Into wise sages

Respect.

Marriage is a sentence.

A life sentence.

"Oof! Hiratsuka-sensei, what was that for?"

"Ah, Hikigaya. You never learn."

"I beg to differ. In fact, you should be proud."

From a wide window, a student and a teacher watched.

Dead fish eyes

Captivating dark ones

Observing a work of art

Courtesy of a certain cynic.

"I'm impressed that you were able to craft a close relationship with Miura-san. Even more, you have assisted rebuilding her clique."

"Associating yourself with a loner yields promising results. Especially when I am involved."

"Confident are we, Hikigaya-san? I am surprised you did not infect her with your rampant pessimism."

"Oh no. All's well ends well. She's a thinking creature now."

"Interesting. Maybe I should put you back in the club to further spread your teachings, Hikigaya-san."

It is imperative to detect sarcasm.

"Please don't. I want to spend more time with her."

"Granted. Shame, you only settled for a friendship."

"Barely. We are on unstable grounds. If I pursued a romantic relationship I'd get shot down; alternatively it would inadvertedly result in a marriage-"

Sensing irritation

Obviously

At the mention

Of a certain concept.

"Too ambitious, Hikigaya."

"As I was saying, resulting in a marriage that will essentially enchain me in a lifetime sentence."

"Miura is a good woman."

"Agreed."

"Ah, such is youth. Puppy love."

Who died and gave you privilage

To speak like married women?

"Hikigaya! You little shit!"

"Esper! Woman, this is why-"

This woman

Armor piercing

Sly killer

Dangerous

Beautiful kind

Of pain.

"You dare finish that sentence I will pulverize you."

"Rest assured, sensei. Love is not always on time."

"Hypocritical of you."

"I had my shot."

"You mean with Orimoto? Hilarious."

The last word

Highlight

Pinnacle

Of human stupidity.

Everyone is an example

A cynic

Even him

A striking reminder

Of the consequence

Falling for such a trap

Nice women.

However

It was not her fault.

Shame on her

Now

Second coming

He falls again

Shame on him.

Unlikely

But she

Nice girl

Fair possibility

Compatible friend

Unlikely lover

Impossible future.

Had I been born

Ten years earlier

Fall

Head over heels

For this woman.

"Hikigaya. You're staring again."

"Apologies. Seems I'm in deep thought."

"Admittedly, true love is rare these days."

"Not so. Problem is that people bite more than they could chew."

"Sorry Hikigaya. I have standards."

"Of course you do."

"Although we don't always get what we want. Better get what is needed."

"I concur."

Love

Not

What you want

But

What you need.

See her smile

Sufficient.

Surrounded by

A set of friends

Far more real

Sincere

Independent

A joy

Great accomplishment

Create something

Beautiful

By a certain cynic

Who operated

On destructive ideologies.

The most broken

Often

Will create

Will complete

Missing pieces

Fill the fractures

Of broken relationships

And hearts.


	18. Pawns III

In another light

Expectation

According to plan

Rebuild

Repair

Heal

But not replace.

Perfection.

Fear.

What is more menacing

Than to feel

Corrosive reaction

Gradual recession

Fracturing illusion

Revealing truth

A relationship

Stronger

Powerful

Real

Menacing.

Once

His presence

Amounted

The magnet

And glue

Binder

To a loose structure

He felt worth

Responsibility

Purpose.

By a stroke of

Luck

Or curse

The man

He so despised

Worth of dirt

Concealing

Treasures

One he could

Never surpass.

He was perfect

Intelligent

Athletic

Charming

Handsome

Rich materially

Emotionally

But amidst all

A poor man

Richer than him.

Failure to realize.

He had everything.

He had nothing.

Thus

He who has everything

Fail to see

Fail to gain

To appreciate

To love.

The boy who could not love.

Grueling contrast

To a man

Who had nothing

Yet gained everything

Simple words

Unrestrained action

He rarely smiled.

But when he did

A testament

That he had everything

He had nothing

He has happiness

And he

Despite all

Unsatisfied.

"Hayama-kun."

"Yukinoshita."

He loved

Yes

He could

But fear

Weakness

Treachery

Betraying him

No power

Heart of gold

Is softer

Than a heart of stone.

"Yukino... I love you."

Remember

Those words

When the smoke

Is coming down.

"Hayama..."

Her words

Warmth

Each syllable

Lacking coldness

Unusual

Perhaps an anomaly

But not a mistake.

Two pairs of blue eyes

Stared inches away

From each other

Yet it seemed

farther

Stellar distances

Bridged by a void

Of fear

Fear.

Rejection

Hate

Prejudice

Mistrust

Perceived inferiority

Tempered by

The presence of

A certain cynic.

That man puppets him

Like actors on a stage

In hate

He found solace

Pursue his desires

No more

Will he allow

Not anymore

Cut the strings.

Cynicism lingered

In her heart

A sharp obstacle

To his desire.

Courtesy of a certain cynic.

Additionally

The clique he polished

Valued

Cared for

Was rebuilt in a mere instant

Comparing to the extent

His efforts

Seemed in vain

Against the simple works

Like a magician

Flick

Hand

Produce gold

Instantly.

The circle was closing in.

He felt irrelevant.

The clique bond together

A castle not of sand

But of stone

Built on the efforts

Of a person

Other than him.

Slowly

The crown

No longer his

In a subtle display of defiance

The jester became king.


	19. Puppets I

Cumulative instances

Stacking up

From connections

Occurrences

Manifestations

Lead to a standstill.

Window

Of opportunity

Ironically

Entering

But not

Through

The open door.

In an unexpected turn of events

The same nightmare

Returns.

Tables turn.

Other way around.

Blonde hair

Green eyes

Behind

Streams of light

Illuminating

Narrow path.

"Yumiko. What are you doing here?"

"Hachiman, t-theres something I-"

"Spit it out, girl."

"Damn you!"

"I'm all ears."

Under the faint light of a post

In front of a house

The cynic crosses his arms

Irritated

Bizarre sight

Fresh after sunset

Here she was.

"Well, Ebina, Yui and... we were out for dinner and..."

"Yeah."

"Hayato was with us and-"

"Catch your breath woman. Did you run back here?"

"Yes! I needed your advice!"

"That's stupid. Go back and-"

No surprise

Grabbing a collar

Surefire way

To grab attention.

"Hachi! Hayato confessed to me!"

"Then why do you look pissed?"

Further back

Such an occurrence

Bound to instill

Pure joy

Ecstasy

In a woman

Like Miura Yumiko.

All in front of him was confusion

Laced with irritation

A dash of disbelief.

"What'd you think."

Raising an eyebrow

A frown

Formed on his face

Reluctant smile.

"Idiot. Go! Seize him!"

"Hachiman, you're coming with me."

"In my PJs? No way."

Of course, fire will always be fire.

Thus goes the tale

Of how I

Stood a ways away

In shaggy gray pajamas

Gazing at a window

Depicting

A group of friends

And a particular pair

Of two blondes.

"Oh, hi there. Hikigaya kun."

Of course

Anything can happen

Bad

Turns to worse.

"Haruno."

"What are you doing here?"

She knows.

Devious

Witch woman

Peach eyes

Far more

Sinister

Than her blue counterpart.

"Interesting, isn't it?"

"Entertaining."

When two

A cynic

Meets

A machiavellian

Akin

Volcano

Meets

Tornado

Dark and darker.

Bad meets evil.

Two broken things create trash.

Opposites attract.

Similarities repel.

But when

Bad meets evil

Something worse

Comes out.

Two seers

Observe

As a girl accepts

Another lie

Blinded

Intoxicated

Faked

Immersed

Another illusion.

A prelude

For a certain cynic

A deadly game

For a dark Queen

The show

About to begin.

Two puppeteers.

Three Acts.

One end.


	20. Puppets II

Two personalities

Striking similarities

Poisonous tendencies

Extreme incompatibility

Both on different levels

Yet equal ground

They walk.

Dim moonlight

They watch

A play

A show

An act

Deadly games

Entertainment

And horror.

"Do you know what they are doing?"

"Hayama confessed."

"Sharp to the point as always, Hikigaya-kun."

No matter

The witch

Finds out

One way

Or another.

"You didn't need to tell me. I'll always find out."

"I know."

"Did you know. Hayato loves Yukino?"

Pieces

Puzzle

Start to form

A terrible

Picture

Strange.

"And what do you infer from this relationship?"

Dangerous question

A land mine

On unstable grounds.

"It does not make any sense."

"Oh, but it does. Do you not see?"

A picture

Formation

Based on envy

Scorn

Fear

Inferiority

Give birth

Atrocity.

He wanted to retch.

His guts twisted into ribbons.

Pitiful, disgusting. Beginnings of evil.

"Miura and her clique does not need Hayama anymore..."

"So he tries to acquire a relationship with Miura-"

"To maintain his preconceived status quo."

The two of them completed the grim statement.

"Quite correct, Hachiman."

He shivered

Hairs

Behind his neck

Stood up

Suspense

Terrifying prospects

For the woman

An exciting game.

His name

Whispered

Voice

Soft

Slow induced

Poison.

"Hayama... He told me that he loved your sister."

"True. She confirmed this."

His voice

Rapid faltering

Blood

Cold

Lost responses

Yet

Judgement

Telling him

Refuse

Stop

Games.

"Hachiman. Do you know what kind of people I dislike the most?"

"Surprise me."

He did not fear Haruno Yukinoshita.

Not anymore.

Not this time.

"Fake people."

He will not play her games.

"Keep Miura out of this."

"Oh? Strangely defensive."

"She is a... friend."

A single sign

Show of weakness

Resulting

Untimely demise.

One must

Take care

When fighting monsters

Do not become one.

She stared at him

In surprise

Then amusement

A dark smile

Lethal beauty

Concealing

Grim truths.

"A friend?"

"A friend. You heard right."

"All the better!"

"I'm telling you. Stop playing games."

"Oh Hikigaya-kun. You're no fun."

Two

Dark sky

Cool breeze

A man in bed clothes

The other in a black coat

Leaning

On a railing

Side by side

Closer

Eye to eye.

"That's what I like about you. Always the serious one."

"I don't play silly games with sly women."

"Not afraid?"

Her glare

Hypnotizing eyes

Seductive beauty

Pink lips

Moist

With venom

Or lust.

Closer.

"Not anymore."

No more tricks.

Normal people

Bow

Grovel

Under a woman

Such as Haruno.

Not him. It sickened him to the core.

"H-Hikio?"

Familiar voices

Breaking the stupor

Realization

Distance

Once more

Two

Split

One and worse.

"Yumiko."

"Oh, calling her by first name."

"Of course. I wasn't bluffing about being friends with her."

"Interesting."

A different instance

Reminder

Fond memories

Club

Three

Now

A triumvirate

Of a Queen

Cynic

And a sinister.

Like a bubble

She vanished

Now leaving him

Lit fuse

Quickly now

Defuse the fire.

"Hikio what the hell was that!"

"Now now. Keep it down or else-"

"And why did you look like you were about to kiss her!"

"Quite the opposite actually."

Unfortunately

Emerald green

Not the sole witness

Blue ones

Saw it two.

Curse his luck.

"Let's go home. I'll tell you all about it."

To defeat a trickster

Play her game.

Reluctantly, he joined.


	21. Puppets III

"Hachiman. What was that all about?"

"Long story."

"We got time. Start."

"Haruno, the elder sister of Yukinoshita. I happened to meet her while I was waiting for you."

"That's it?"

"What did you expect?"

"I know that girl. And I don't like her."

"Same here."

"It looked like you two were up to something."

"True. Nothing big."

Quite the understatement.

"Uh-huh."

"So, how did it go?"

"Well... Good. Hayama seems..."

"Reluctant?"

"How do you know?"

Key to prediction

See patterns

Casual personalities

Easy to calculate

This one

Foretold.

"Just a guess."

"You're not telling me everything, Hachi."

"Alright."

"I know. You taught me. Quiet people are mentally active."

"I taught you good."

He smiles

Though

It was one

That did not

Reach the eyes.

"That Haruno girl is no good. You hear? No woman in her right mind will get that close to you."

"You sound jealous. Problem?"

Shut up. I'm not jealous. You are."

Mutual understandings

Rare company

They walk

Side by side

No prejudice

Nor preconception

Closest to genuine

Farthest he had come.

"Hey Hachi. Seriously. Like, Yukino is stuck up and all, but her sister gives me the chills."

"I know. Don't worry. We're just acquaintances."

"On the other hand... be honest. Why would Hayato confess?"

"I figured you'd ask that. I'll just tell you to keep on your toes. What did you say?"

"I accepted."

Swallow

Anxiety

No place

For fear

Revealing the truth

Timing is imperative

In a strategy game.

"Yumiko. You sure about this?"

"What do you mean? You were the one who told me to-"

"I told you to do as you want. Furthermore, what do you really want?"

"Not now Hachio! You're ruining the moment."

Yes.

Plant

Seeds of doubt

In hopes

Realization

Will sprout.

"Want or need?"

Simple question.

Months ago

She is incapable

To decipher

The language

Of the presumed fools.

"Need."

So be it.

"Miura-san. Good luck."

Between the lines

Something likened

I'll be there

For her.

"Thanks alot, Hachiman."

Wave her off

Not for the last time

But this moment

Different

Such

Nice?

Too strong a word

Lovable?

Better.

A lovable friend.

His younger self

Gawk in disbelief

At such farce.

According

Psychology

Humans

Cannot simply

Stay as

Friends

With the opposite sex

But he was an exception.

Preserve such relationship

At all cost.

Lose it to her

Selfish desires

Tolerable

But to have it destroyed

Crumpled

By a machiavellian woman

Simply insulting.

One more day

Swift passage

Time flies fast

Like it or not

Faster

If the moment is gold

Slowest

At the worst moment.

Eyes open

On his toes

Trailing

Along with a certain woman

Two of them

Like crows

Keen observers

One of logic

The other

Dark humor.

Quite some days

Pass like a gentle wind

They follow

Watch

Silently

A puppet show.

"Hikigaya-kun. They look lovely together, don't you think?"

A boy and a girl

Enjoying themselves

In a park

Immersed in their own world.

The grass on their side seemed greener.

That was not the case.

Grass is neither greener nor dull.

From a bridge they watched.

"Yeah. Cute couple."

"We'd make a good one, don't you think?"

"Oh, I'm sure."

The saying goes

Do not fight fire

With fire

But this is something deadlier.

Sarcasm meets provocation.

Greatest showdown.

He smiled.

Two blondes

One of blue eyes

The other

Yes

Perhaps grass

Greener

On her side

Her presence

Invigoriating.

"Look at those two. How sweet."

"Such lies."

"Perhaps. You wouldn't lie to me, right Hikigaya-kun?"

"You wouldn't know."

"Oh, but I will."

"Of course."

"Ne, Hikigaya-kun. Don't you think I'm as interesting as her?"

Never play dumb in front of women.

Sixth sense always finds out.

This witch woman is no exception.

"That make-up comes off as easily as your personality."

"That's a bit cold, Hikigaya-kun."

In the span of moments

With stealth

Distance of a meter

Between us

Almost warping

She was beside me.

Killer smiles

Of a certain fire queen

Cannot hold a candle

To a simple smirk

Of this woman.

Her deep eyes

Shatter the will

Like glass

Fortunately

I have no will

To associate

With women

Especially

Haruno Yukinoshita.


	22. Avarice I

Calm

Clear

Like water

Reflections

A silent mind

The cure for the body.

Illusions

Crystal pictures

Dazzling

Yet behind it

Looking closer

Lacklustre.

If it seems

Too good

To be true

Then it probably is.

Lessons from a cynic.

A dear friend.

Her eyes

Stared at the ceiling

Mental words

Materialize

Against the scarlet walls

Hypnotizing

Electrifying

Perhaps

Even terrifying.

Reclining on a bed of white

She appeared as an empress

But deep inside

Lacking

Missing

Pieces

Incomplete.

It was illogical.

She had it all once more.

A golden circle

Rebuilt stronger

Bonds far more durable

Friends

Like tarnished silver

Polished

Rinsed

Restored

Works of a man

With a dead shell

And a heart of stone.

Her heart

Beautiful

Pure porcelain

Shattered

Once again

Razor pieces

Picked up

Drawing blood

Nevertheless

With a smile

He put the pieces

And with sincerity

Healed

A brittle heart

Transforming it

Into something stronger.

He was like a gardener

Raising

Caring

Loving

A thorny rose

Beautiful

Yet prickly

He was patient

Knowing pain

Required

To see

A beautiful flower

Bloom.

She was the worst rose.

Yet his presence

Nourishing

Transforming

Patience

Producing elegance

Unmatched

On par with black ice.

With the guidance

Of a pessimistic sage

The queen of diamonds

Became a wiser ruler

Of hearts?

Thus

The very being

She so desired

Sought

And needed

Took the first step

To claim her heart.

His hair of gold

Azure eyes

Now

His smile belonged to her.

Through the days

They grew closer

Yet

Sensing anomaly

She began to stagnate.

She began to think.

See the bigger picture.

Thanks to a certain cynic

She became a thinking creature.

Far from the calculative mind

Of her wretched friend

Even farther from the likes

Of a certain ice queen

But certainly more ponderous

Than common airheads.

No longer

Was she a pretty flowerpot.

Her mind was filled

Beauty

Gilded

With intelligence

Exchange gift

From a dead-eyed fish.

Yet it was a double edged sword.

Knowledge

Comes with a price

Soon

She would understand

Knowing more

Means you have

More shit to deal with.

Source: him.

Observation

A skill

Absent from the aristocrats

Of the social hierarchy

A powerful asset

The key

To seeing through

His mask.

He who knows his enemy

Even more if he knows the self

Need not

Fear

The results

Of a hundred battles.

Subtle

Realizations

Notice changes

Similarities

Influence

Like colors on a palette

Black and gold

Share

Adding depth

Shades

Pigments of personalities

And figments of imaginations.

Like a plague

Slowly lingering

In her mind

A blanket of fog

Clouding her judgement.

What seems too good to be true probably is.

He is the gardener

Who tended the thorned flower

Yet it cannot be forgotten

He was a twisted man.

Little did she know

The seeds of doubt

Planted by a cynic

Slowly but surely

In her mind

Germinated

For better

Or for worse.


	23. Avarice II

Queen of fire

Prince of hearts

The two faced each other

Over coffee and cake

To the naked eye

It was sweet.

Look closer.

It was an illusion.

Through the eyes of a cynic

It is a lie.

Truth

Always difficult to believe

Lies

An alternative truth

Thus

Make the truth so unbelievable

People would believe it.

Source: me.

"Yumiko."

Her name

Like a melody

Music to her ears

Lovely.

Monologues.

Such a peculiar way of thinking.

A wave

Accompanied by a smile

Antidote

To break her daze.

"Oh- ah! Sorry H-Hayato."

"You were spacing out again."

"Its just... a lot on my mind recently."

She nervously giggled.

Quite the understatement.

His blue eyes

Like a deep sea

Look into the abyss

Only to find

The abyss looking back.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Erm... ah, nothing..."

If there was one more skill

That she failed to learn

Was the ability

To create a counter

Stave off questions

Evasive maneuvers.

"I was thinking... maybe you wanted to go to a movie saturday night?"

"Oh. Apologies, I have an important family event to attend on that day. Perhaps sunday?"

"Of course!"

"How are things between you and Hikitani-kun?"

She inwardly grimaced

At the mention

Of his name

A strange reaction

Laced with irritation

But not hesitation.

"It's Hikigaya-kun. I'd think by now you two should know each other pretty well."

"Why do you think so?"

Closer scrutiny

Revealing

Thin lines

On a mask

Between the gaps

What is it?

"Nevermind. You two seem so... similar. Yet different."

"We are not the same."

"You seem snappy there. What's up with you two?"

"I don't want to talk about him."

Tilting his head

A bright smile

Too bright.

Most people

Under such a gaze

Hypnotizing eyes

Dreams

But not her

Not anymore.

"Let's go take a stroll in the park, shall we?"

"Yeah, sure."

She held his hands

Strangely

It felt cool

Warmth was present

Enough to send her heart

Fluttering

But no?

His hands were soft against hers

Smooth as silk

Fine features

Of a prince

Yet

As they walked

Vermilion clouds

Wafted in the sky

A romantic scene

Each step

Light

But

Lacking

Something?

Looking at him

His face

Unreadable

But clearly

Like a painting

Handsome

Apathetic

Blank canvas.

Something was lacking.

She felt so.

In an instant

Halt

Frozen

Ahead

A sight

That sent a piercing sensation

Through her heart.

Looking at the boy beside her

It seemed

The feeling

Mutual

A painting

A frown.

For in front of them

Another pair

Perhaps

Inversed reflection

Of themselves.

"Oh look, Hikigaya-kun!"

Dead fish eyes locked onto hers.

Closer.

"Haruno."

Displeasure

Apparent

On a normally

Cheerful face

Of the blonde man.

"My, my. Hayato-kun. Lovely atmosphere, isn't it?"

She flinched

Swiftly

His hands

Broke

From her light hold.

In contrast

The woman

In front of her

Her arms

Like a serpent

Wrapped

Around an arm

She wanted to scream.

Faint shade

Cheeks redden

In irritation

Vexed

By such a revolting sight

Even more

It seemed

He didn't mind it.

"It's not what you think it is."

"Of course not! How silly to assume such!"

What does that mean?

Sensing

Taste

The atmosphere

Salt and bitter notes

Laced with poison?

Meanwhile

Emerald

Against

Narrow dark ones.

A very subtle nod

Understanding.

Language of loners.

She would have to be patient.

Play along.

"Oh, Hachi. Don't Miura-san and Hayato-kun look good together?"

Immediately

She scowled

At the mention

Of a dear name

Mocking

Insulting

Provocative.

A trap.

She knew.

Patience. Wait for it.

"I wish we could be like them too."

Curse this witch.

She was furious

Fire

threatening

Explosive

But

She knew

It would disappoint

A certain cynic

Patience is a virtue.

Courtesy of a rotten person.

"Unfortunately Haruno, we can't."

Peculiarly

Cool

Familiar voice

The answer

Like a noose

Loosening

Relief.

Breathe.

"Why not?"

"I hate you."

Her smile

Peach eyes

Gazing

She felt

Something darker

Sending cold shivers

Down her spine.

Instinctively, she inched back.

So did the prince.

The devil woman

With a delicate finger

Meticulously

He faced her

Yet

He was unwavering

Dead eyes

Thunder and lightning

Against deadly ones.


	24. Avarice III

"That's what I love about you, Hachiman."

She stood there

In awe

Even the calm

And composed blonde

Wide eyed

At the sight in front of them.

"We'll be going now. See you, Miura-san. Hayama-kun."

His voice

Devoid of emotion

Cold as stone

And just as hard.

Wave

And turn

Walking away

But this

The intimidating woman

Follows.

For one

Never had he seen

Not a man

Can stand against

Nightmare

Impossible.

On the other

She was stunned

Confused

If he was the same man

Her cynical friend

Or a different person?

Never had she seen

A display

Of confidence

Resilience

And cold aura

Darkness.

Not only was he

A monster of logic

Perhaps

Of darkness as well.

Bad meets evil.

Behind the mask

Dark secrets.

Had she been so intent

On uncovering

A gold face

That she failed

To notice

The obvious stone mask?

All people wear masks.

There comes a time

That the mask

Becomes the face

And the face

Becomes the mask.

That night

She could not sleep.

Too many

Questions

Revelations

Doubts

Assumptions

Backed by

Prejudice

Scorn

Greed

Jealousy?

He was a cynic

A rotten person

Pessimistic

Trash

Horrible to the core

Terrible to think

Yet she knew better.

Behind his own mask

Kindness

Selflessness

Patience

Benevolence

A listener

A teacher

A brother

A friend.

A lover?

It was then revealed to her

No man is so good

So just and fair

So sincere

As to not contain a bit of darkness.

But she accepted him for it.

Would she?

Knowing that he may not be

What she thought he is

Can she still accept him?

He accepted her

A spoiled girl

Foolish

Blind

Ignorant

An empty flowerpot

And a thorned rose.

A sharp contrast

Prince of hearts

The man

She pined after

Quite blindly

Stupidly

Like another rose

Beautiful

To hold

Close to her heart

Yet it hurt.

Love makes a fool out of everyone.

She was a fool even more.

How could she trust her judgement?

How can she know

That this is all

Not some game

Being played

And she

A pawn?

Contrast

He was perfect

Charming

Handsome

A smile

Lighting up her whole world

Ecstatic blue eyes

That lulled her

Into a dream.

A dream.

On the other hand

A wretched cynic

Neither pleasant nor tolerable

A face more menacing

Than endearing

But behind all that

A smile

Rare

Existing for a moment

Faint

Yet it glowed of warmth and love.

Dead-fish eyes

If one would look closer

Deeper

She can see

Behind a hardened

Battered

Broken shell

Real

Genuine.

The darker the person

The brighter the smile.

It was a grim irony.

Brimming with sinister backdrops.

Why couldn't she have both?

Rarely does a man

Enticing

Like a crystal image

Yet possesing

Humbly crafted persona

The pinnacle

Idea of perfection.

Perfection.

It cannot exist.

Reach must exceed grasp.

Because if not, then what is Heaven for?

Humans

By instinct

Are animals of greed

Creatures of violence

She was no exception.

Lust is sweet sin.

She wanted it all.

Avarice for gold

A treasure

Of emotional attachments

Mutual understanding

A metaphysical connection

Consummated by sexual fervor

And everlasting vows.

Could he read her thoughts

He would slap sense into her.

She hated herself.

Yet she loved every single moment of it.

She was rotten

Greedy

Despicable

Beauty

Lined with grotesque desires

Just like him

Twisted.

They were different.

Yet similar.

Fly higher.

Reach exceeds grasp.

Should she fall, he would catch her.

She was certain of it.

A selfish assumption

Taking advantage

Of a pristine relationship

Cultivated with time and risk

Now risking destruction

Due to her human affections.

It was purple rain

She was certain of it.

Miura Yumiko is not a good woman.

Now, she would take a gamble and go all in once more.

All or nothing.

The price for something worthwhile?

She will pay it

Blood

Sweat

And tears.

He would understand

Admire her determination

Yet hate her ambition.

So be it.


	25. Ties I

Dusk

Cool breeze

Even colder

In the presence

A certain

Devil woman.

Her hands

Warm

Soft

Fingers intertwined

But to him

A shackle

Threatening

Sink him

Into an abyss

Of darkness.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Haruno?"

His voice

Smooth

Bitter liquor

Laced with sarcasm.

"Oh yes. Especially with you."

"Well I'm not."

Her smile

Never had he seen

A mask

Immersive

Surreal

Her lips

Moist and pink

Underlying

Betrayed her

True colors

Painted

Of blood and black.

"What can make you happy?"

"For one, I'd love it if you would leave me in peace."

"No can do. Would you really rather be happy alone, than be unhappy together with me?"

"It's a paradox. They say happiness is found in others. I say, bullshit. I was happy by myself."

"Are you?"

He returned a smile back at her.

Her face

Closer

Dreamy eyes

Beckoning him

Hot breath

Against his lips

Break the charm once more.

"I was happy with you."

"That's your problem."

"You keep pushing against the gravity between us."

"No such thing. It is simply magnetism by polar opposites."

"We're the same."

"That is where you are wrong, Haruno."

By now

Consider himself

An expert.

They say women are the hardest book to read.

Perhaps the key is to read backwards.

Read between the lines.

In this case, between the letters.

A smile is equivalent to a paragraph.

"I am never wrong, Hachiman."

"Wrong again."

"I like you. You make me right."

Beauty is to charm

As a knife is to an edge

The sharper

Cut down the will

Precision

Manipulation.

She was a spectator

A Roman

He was the gladiator

All others have perished

Under her

Destructive gaze

Medusa of men

Except him.

He was interesting

Translation

Entertainment

And to him

She was simply a nuisance.

"The show is not yet over."

"I never watched."

"Oh, you will. I will not let him off the hook that easily."

"This is between Yukinoshita and Hayama. Why do care?"

"As her elder sister-"

"Of course. Quite the valid reason."

With a hand

Gently

He brushed her hair to the side.

A tactic

Psychological

Judging from her reaction

Faint tints of red

Effective.

"You're like a little girl. Always meddlesome, aren't you?"

"P-please take care of me."

Delicately

She pulled his hands

South

Allowing it

Like a feather

Caress her lips.

What a waste. She would have been a star actress in the movies.

Witchy woman

Move through the night

Eager to control

His mind

Soul

A temptress

Of the finest standards.

"Silly girl. I don't care for you."

To be honest

It felt good

To hurl

Such intricate

Sarcasms

A silver arrow to the heart.

"My, my. Hikigaya-kun. Aren't you quite the fox?"

"Oh please. Isn't this what you wanted? Your own little games..."

"I don't want little games. I want something genuine."

He chuckled

Such a humorous remark.

Wanton desires

To think

It was even laughable

That he himself

Longed for such

Perhaps it was non-existent.

Strangely, no trace of mockery.

"You are wishing for a dream."

"Isn't that what you want too?"

"Maybe."

Not anymore.

Realization

In real life

May we get what we need

And never what we deserve.

Genuine may be the biggest lie of all.

"That's not true."

Her arms coiled around his neck

Locking two souls

In physical shells

His body against hers

Heated connections

And for a moment

Everything faded away

Only the sound

Of her.

"You have me. I am genuine."

"If this is genuine, I don't want it."

Carefully

As if a sticker to a wall

He pried her warmth

Off him.

She glared at him seductively.

A soft hand against his cheek.

It was unclear

Whether her smile

For once

Perhaps real.

In front of him, only a woman.

No more, no less.

If only

Entertain

The plausibility

Of love

Alas

It was too good.

To be true.

"The hardest things to obtain are the good ones."

"For once, perhaps I agree with you."

"If only..."

He answered.

"If."


	26. Ties II

"I want you to come with me. Tommorow."

"You don't need me."

Point out the inconsistency

Reveal

Whether need

Or want.

"I need you. Oh dear, making me say things."

"Not like I have a choice. Where to?"

"You'll find out soon enough. Dress to impress."

"Tell me. Lest I come in my pajamas again."

She let out a giggle.

"It's a serious event."

"Champagne and ties?"

"Champagne and ties."

"I'm not an escort."

"I never said you were. I need you. To go with me."

"Fine."

"Excellent! I'll see you tomorrow evening."

From her pocket

She produced a gold card

Engraved

Exquisite

On my hand

An invitation.

Subtly

Her silhouette slinked away

Leaving him

Under faint moonlight

Dark skies.

That night

Exasperated

Expecting

Knocking on the door

Open

To reveal a figure

At the worst possible hour.

"Hachio! Where have you been!"

Immediately

His collars were seized

By a mad woman

One wrong word

He would be knocked out cold

Until next day.

"I-uh..."

"Speak up!"

"Hangout?"

It was a half truth.

"Why you liar. You reek of women!"

Of course.

Take notes

A particular skill

Of women

Ability

To detect

The scent

Of other women.

Primal instinct at its finest.

"Hmm... oh. Givenchy."

Quite accurate too.

"She's got good taste. Who's the girl?"

"You sound like my girlfriend."

Surprisingly

Raising a brow

Her cheeks flushed

As she irritably glared at him.

"If you had one, that is. Don't tell me..."

"Yes. It's her."

"No. The bitch."

She venomously hissed

In a low voice

As her eyes narrowed

Frowning

At the thought

Of a certain devil woman.

"Oi oi. Language please. Anyways, it was nothing-"

"Staying out this late! And with a woman no less. What's gotten into you Hikio?"

Sigh.

"You sound like my mother. Please. I'm spent."

He shuffled towards the sofa

Soon allowing gravity

To do the rest.

"Still got some coffee. You want?"

"Max?"

"Don't be picky."

Reappearing

From behind a counter

Between her hands

A mug

Of dark ambrosia.

"Bitter."

"You want it or not?"

"Thanks."

As he sipped

The warm liquid

Providing a bit more

Energy

Before

Slumber.

Beside him sat a fiery queen.

"What are you even doing here? It's way past nine."

"Komachi had a sleepover."

Oh. Of course.

"You don't seem happy to see me."

"Oh no, your majesty. Thy presence is equal to a hundred suns."

The snappy remark

Earning him

A light punch to the arm

And a small smile.

"Still. Why are you here?"

"Fine. I'll go."

"Wait."

From his pocket

He took out a card.

"Thirty-fifth avenue... Pas Calais?"

"Pas Calais? What the hell are you doing there?"

"No no. I don't even know the place-"

"It's a totally like, royal venue. No place for simpletons like you."

"Heh. Whatever."

"Haruno invited you?"

"Forced me."

She scowled

As he raised his hands

Attempt to alleviate

Imminent fury.

"Calm. Down. Only for the night."

"The night! Of course. Yes yes. I suppose that will do. The snake... No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I-I wanted to go out- I mean hang out! With you tomorrow."

"Sorry. I got no choice."

"Hachiman. We always have a choice."

How wise. Yes sensei. I'll keep that in mind.

"Agh! Stop poking."

"Hachio."

"Fine, fine. Sunday. I'll let you have the cheesecake."

"Can't. Hayato and I are going out."

"Too bad."

Puffing her cheeks

Sending a flurry

Of little jabs.

"Ok, ok! Just let me get this over with."

"Speaking of which, I doubt you even have a decent wardrobe for such events."

"I'm a simple man."

"Cheap you mean."

"Alright miss fashionista."

"I'll let you borrow a suit."

"Whoa there. Did not know you were into crossdressing."

"Idiot!"

He smiled.

Perhaps

Such relationships

Can even be

Beneficial

A lifesaver

Literally and figuratively

Mutual assistance.

His flashy friend was not dubbed queen of Soubu for nothing.

"I'll clean up. Go home, I need rest."

"Good night Hachi."

"Night, Yumiko."

Her company

Quite calming

Sharp contrast

To tension

Between him

And a certain

Temptress.

Wave away.

Values

Learned

From a certain ice queen.


	27. Ties III

Far

Into the depths

Night

Her mind

Restless

Unsatiable hunger

For emotional closure.

When in doubt, doubt.

Thinking is hazardous to perfection.

Source: me.

Any chances

No matter how miniscule

A mathematical factor

Accounting

An alternate outcome.

Because behind each mascot

Is just another man.

Perfection

What is it?

Perhaps it is the metaphysical dream.

Behind a handsome face

Ugly revelations

A crystal mask

Perhaps answering the reason

Why she couldn't

Touch it.

Put to the test, it shatters.

His eyes

Blue as the sky

Beautiful

However

Try as she would

Not a drop

Nor a tear

Of sincerity.

His smile

Bright as dawn

The light to her dark world

Closer scrutiny

Revealing

Simply a reflection

Passive reciprocation

As if she smiled at a mirror

And back at herself.

And if he did

It was not for her.

Smiles tell a whole other story with a simple fluctuation.

Realize.

The moon shines.

But it does not glow.

Who is the moon?

Who is the sun?

When they hold hands

It was always her

As white moves

First in chess

She moves first

And strangely enough

She could not feel

Emotions

It was there

Yet it lacked

Warmth.

He never held her hand.

It was her holding his.

Holding on

Holding the line

Carry

This relationship

As if it were a sack

Of unreciprocated

Affections.

A contrast

The rotten cynic

Dead were his eyes

Even more

His attitude

One may as well

Converse with a dog.

But he listens.

He understands.

Accepts.

Not too often

They hold hands

But when they do

She could feel

Sense

Know

Trust

Cold was his personality

Yet warm was his touch.

They held each other

In close

Regards

Respect

An intimate relationship

Carefully cultivated

And like a flower

Bloomed.

They held each other.

He was there

When she needed a shoulder

To cry on

An arm to cling on in fear

A hand

To pull her up when she falls

And smile

A faint glow

Nevertheless

To brighten up her day.

And dawn came

She slept little

Time dragged on

In contemplation

Peace and quiet

Over hot tea

And a cold rainy morning.

If he was here

It was a pleasant environment

A habitat for a loner

If before she hated silence

Now she found it soothing.

Questions answered

In solitude

Result in clear

Answers

Yet one

That she was reluctant

To know.

Indeed

Knowing more

Means you have

More shit to deal with.

Ironically

A question answered

Only makes you

Ask more questions.

A socratic principle

Unraveling plots

And stories

Time was essence

To presence

And to understand

Patience.

A knock on the door

Finally interrupting

Her hours

On the train of thought.

Opening the door

Revealed

A strangely dressed cynic.

Strange was it to see him

In a formal attire

Of black slacks and shoes

And a crisp white dress shirt.

"Hi there."

"Well don't just stand there. Get in here."

"So, what are you planning to make me wear?"

"Come now. You'll see."

Up a flight of stairs

Into a private room

One that in his rare visits

Failed to notice before.

It was a dressing room

And a fine one too.

"Hmm... let's see. Huh. Maybe this... nah, too flashy..."

"I'll trust you on this one."

"Have some faith Hikio. I know the style."

Rummaging through

Rows of plastic wraps

Finally

She picked a suit.

Women are quite meticulous

When it comes to fashion.

"Huh. Gray. Nice."

"That's it? Geez Hachiman. You have no tastes."

"A suit is a suit."

"Oh, damn you. This is Burberry."

"If it fits, it works."

"Mmhm. It's my father's."

"Oh. I'll have to thank him first chance I get. Is this alright for him?"

"He wouldn't mind. No longer his size."

"Fair enough."

Two of them

In the living room

It was silent

Yet a quiet understanding

She knew

Or at least as he said

Seventy percent of communication

Is from non-verbal interaction.

By interaction

She stood in front of him

He was only an inch or two taller

Yet they stood as equals

Little prejudice

No preconceptions.

Like a painter

Each movement

Pull

Brush

Touch

As she dressed him into a suit

Painting a picture

Of a handsome man

Yes.

Each button

An inch closer

And for the final stroke

Finishing touch

A fine black tie.

Character is not seen

But it is revealed.


	28. Purple I

Her delicate hands

Pulling his face

Ever so closer

As she daintily fixed his tie

And holding by the knot

Looked up right at him

A hair away.

It was only for a moment

Yet it seemed as if

Time crawled slower

Though short

Yet with brevity.

Dead black met emerald green

Frozen still

A breath yet to be taken

Perhaps lips longing to meet

A simple gesture

Before the closure

That she so desired

And the thought of it

Colored her red

Cheeks flushed crimson

Break

Away.

"Y-you... l-look nice."

"Yes. I suppose so."

It was apparent

She could not hide

Embarrasment

But there was no need to.

"S-say, there's still an hour before the event. You wanna g-go grab lunch?"

She managed to stammer a nervous question.

Now to think of it

Why would she ask

Such an intimate request?

"It's two past twelve. You may as well say dinner."

"Are you asking me out?"

"I think you were the one to-"

"Shut up, smartass. I'll go get dressed."

Thus

Both of them

In one of those rare instances

That they would go out

Intentions of simple friendship

Yet clearly

Something more.

Over hot risotto

Aromas of rosemary

Fizzy root beer

On a good note.

"I think my wallet is going to cry itself to sleep."

"Don't be so stingy, Hachio. The heck are you even saving up for?"

"Good question. Probably to save myself from untimely death."

"You negative little shit."

"Please refrain from using indecent language. You actually look like a beautiful woman, act like one."

Her face bloomed bright red.

"W-where d-did that c-come from? W-was that an insult or a compliment!"

"Consider it both."

"Hmph..."

She held the hem

Of her blue dress

Lingering on the words

As if a plane

Through a cloud

Inspecting

Whether to take it lightly

With a pinch of salt

Or to heart.

"You think?"

Now it was his turn

Slight traces

Of red

On his cheeks.

"I've seen better."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?!"

He let out a small smile

Watching the woman

In front of him

Flustered

A sight to behold.

"Stop staring! H-Hikkimo!"

Cute.

"Y-you say something?"

"Mind reader. Take a good guess."

"Cut it out!"

It is imperative

Pay attention

Aside from physical hunger

Humans crave

Feed the ego

Carefully

Precisely.

Lessons learned

From experience

Courtesy of a foxy kouhai

Spin words like string

With that

Wrap hearts

In your control

Sweet nothings.

Compliment a woman

When she least expects it

And dispel her assumptions

About her presumed beauty.

Flattery and criticism.

A weapon to tame ego.

If one were to compare

Put on a scale

This simple affair

Of early supper

And sweet drinks

Tempered by small talk

In-jokes

And plain good companionship

A match and worth

All the interactions

There was or will ever be

Between the fire queen

And the prince of masks.

A discrepancy

In fact

A severe turn of tables

Instead

She found herself

Stuck in a rut

Between two opposites

Such is love.

They say love is blind.

Then how can we believe in love at first sight?

Perhaps they call it the metaphysical dream.

Because you can only believe it

While asleep.


	29. Purple II

Sometimes

Serenity

Lapelled with silence

And good company

Is the essence

Of what it means

To be in love.

Mellow incandescence

Illuminating a café

Accompanied

Faint jazz

And continuous patter

Light rain

Blue afternoons

In front of her

Stunning sight

Of what was once

A gray cynic

Now

A pristine example

Of what an aristocrat

Of the social hierarchy

Appears to be.

Lovely atmospheres

Underlying insecurities

Like serpents

In beds of roses.

"Hachi."

"Yes?"

"Do you like Haruno?"

For a moment

He raised a brow

Skeptical

It was certainly

A dangerous question

And he put down his mug.

"Well... I guess I don't want her dead."

"Hachio! That is such a horrible answer!"

"Ok, sorry. No, not a bit. She's scary, and she's a nuisance."

"Oh... ok..."

Her voice trailed off

It was cool

Lacking the air

The fire

Gone

Or atleast

Perhaps one of those rare instances

When the heat dies down

Revealing

Warmth

As she stirred her drink

In contemplation

Eyeing a reflection

Of a pretty face

On the surface of caramel sweet.

To him

He knew

Signs

Her face devoid of emotion

But her eyes

In deep thinking.

"I always see you and her together."

It was time for him to listen

These rare moments

The two of them

Sharing

A mutual

Understanding.

"You don't think I noticed? There were days... I would see you two together..."

"So you did. It seems you have a keen sense of observation."

She smiled at him

As they connected

Her gaze

Telling the lines

Of the story

She could not tell.

"I learned from you."

"You don't have to be envious about it."

"No, I'm not. It's just that... you two seem closer... and she would hold you close... and you..."

Her eyes

Bright green

Under the soft light

It looked like a star

Looking closer

Tears

Albeit slight

Laced with

Sadness.

"I-I... feel like we're..."

The following words

Had she managed to utter it

Threaten to break her

In tears.

She feared

That this relationship

She has come to love

And now

Like a cloud

He began to drift away

Golden sand

Sifting through her fingers

Helpless

Watching.

They spent time together

Through hard times

Ups

Downs

Joy and grief

Gain and loss

They were good friends

By hook

Or by crook.

She wanted him

To hold her

Closer

And she wanted

To hold him

Closer

Even more

Than both

Him

And

Her

The cynic

And the devil.

Perhaps she was the angel.

She would not lose.

She will not allow it.

But it was selfish.

She was selfish.

She wanted perfection

Foolishly chasing

Led by her desire

For something

Greater

Turning a blind eye

Failing to see

What is good

And what is too good.

Failing to grasp

What is within reach

And trying to grasp

What is out of reach.

He sat beside her

Softly tousling her locks

As she looked away

Too proud

To let him see

Fractures

On a crystal figurine.

"Don't be afraid."

She felt herself

Unanimously

Drawn to him

And soon

Allowing

Leaning on him

For support

And warmth.

"I was foolish, cynical and a straight-out asshole. Yes. But you stayed with me, didn't you? When those I considered closest to the possibility of being friends bailed on me, here you are. Beside me."

"Behind that dead-fish eyes of yours, Hachiman, is something good... Kindness, selflessness..."

Love.

"Love?"

"D-don't assume!"

"I heard you."

"Oh, now you're an esper too."

They both shared a hearty laugh.

"Agh... enough with this cheesy bullcrap..."

"Remember that time when I asked you if we were still friends?"

"Oh piss off."

"Ah, cliché be damned. You're a dear friend. To me."

Two of them

Looking out of the window

Purple rain

Dark blue skies

It was certainly cold

But it was pleasant

With someone

Beside you.

Her heart stung a bit

What he said

Slow-induced poison

Sooner or later

Indeed

Seeds of doubt

Now bearing fruits.

Deep down

She loved him

She wanted more

She needed more.

More than

A dear friendship.

Fable of the dog and the bone

She saw a reflection

What could have been

In greed

She leapt out to seize it

Dropping

Something real.

Something worthwhile.

Something genuine.

Love is friendship made dear.


	30. Purple III

They say

Love makes you blind

But maybe

It only makes you cross-eyed

Incapacitated

Unable to see

What is truly

Worthwhile?

She was happy.

What was missing?

Her friends

No longer

A house of cards

Instead

She found a family

Closer

Perhaps not in blood

But in bond.

And here

Beside her

Lo and behold

Even the greatest cynic

Warmed up to her

Opening a window

A chance

From his shell

It was not

The monster of logic

Who poked its head out

But

Simply him.

Hikigaya Hachiman. In the flesh.

She knew

There was still a mask

Yet she saw more

Than he will ever reveal

Because behind the curtain

The magician will show

Not magic

But real impressions.

She wanted to stay

Beside him

A little longer

He would not leave her

But it seemed as if

As man cannot last

Three minutes without air

She found herself

Gasping for his presence.

"Would you look at the time."

"Please... don't leave..."

She softly murmured, barely audible.

"Huh? It's past five PM. I'll walk you home."

The rain

Along with the knowledge

That they will inevitably part ways

Even if only for an hour or two

It would feel like eternity

And the cold

Was like a knife

Against her cheeks.

Each step

Heavier than the previous

Each sliver of precipitation

Like tears

As if the sky

Was crying for her.

He held her hand

Yes

Her fingers were cold

Wrapping against his

Tightly

Desperately

Reluctant to let go.

"Are you alright?"

She could not answer

Could not lie

How could she?

She wanted to tell him

That she wanted it all

Him.

He would understand

But she knew well

Even the cold cynic

Still has a heart

No matter how hard

Can be hurt.

She may hurt him

Could

Will

Already had.

By loving someone else

She has essentially

Rejected

The chance

A future

For a flame

Between them

To bloom.

He would not be happy

To find out

That he was

Merely

The number two.

He already was.

She could not tell

Whether he knew this

Or he had simply accepted the fact

That her heart

Was never his?

Nobody

Wants to be

Treated like

An option.

Dare she treat him so

He will leave her

Like a choice.

He was kind

Compassionate

Even loving

But on the other hand

He was ruthless

Remorseless

And will not hesitate

To cut ties

With her

And if their relationship

Was cancer

He will destroy it.

She was afraid.

Fear.

The very thought of it

Was nightmare

Manifesting

In a realist form.

Everyone stops

Looking under the bed

Upon realizing

The monster

Was never there.

And that was the scariest part.

Fear a spider

Not when you see one

But

When you cannot see it

Anymore.

"Well, this is where we part ways."

"Don't say that!"

"Alright, no goodbyes."

"Come back here. I'll be waiting."

"Don't."

"Don't stay out too late."

"Agreed. I'll see you later."

Unexpectedly

He pulled her

Into an embrace

Rare were these moments

But it was precious

Too much

Yet too little

She did not want to let go.

"Oh- ok! Enough with the bear hugs."

"Hachi!"

She looked right at him in the eye

Green eyes

It was fierce

Yet with an expression

One that had never been shown

In a long time.

The look

If one could see

The look

Of needing.

"Go now."

And she disappeared

Into the confines

Of her home

Watching him

From a window

Aboard a cab

Zoom away

Into the distance.

Maybe that is why

They call it

Window pane.

What a terrible pun.

If he was here with her

She would earn

Another snide remark

From him.

If.

Laying on the couch

Finally

Alone

Once more.

She saw beauty in solitude

Courtesy of a certain cynic

Yet

Now

It was the last thing

She would ever want.

She hated being alone.

In the darkness of the room

Silence

Only the sound

Of rain

And radio

Faint

A song was playing

Sad

Unknowingly

Tears

Like crystal streams

Down her cheeks

Disappear

Stare at the ceiling

Crying.

Chasing a dream

Never caught

Purple rain.

Jealousy.

From love it comes, to hate it becomes.

Now.

All she wanted

Was to see him

Smiling

In the purple rain.


	31. Dangerous I

Dark skies

Loomed ahead

Menacing signs

A prelude

To a grim melée

Between two evils

A chess match

The cynic

And the devil.

A deadly mind game

Entertainment

For sadists

A challenge

For pessimists.

They say

Disputes

Make

Or

Unmake

A man.

If so

Then this is the moment

Where he triumphs

Or collapses.

The cry of defeat

Is always stronger

Than the cheers

Of victory.

Donning a crisp grey suit

Jet black tie

An image

Sinister accents

Sharp dressed man.

He was a sheep in wolves' clothing.

Finding humor

In his predicament

It was a conniving show

A pristine farce

Mask of black ice

To blend

In the darkness.

All men wear masks.

But tonight

He puts on a suit

Literally and figuratively

A skin

Camoflauge his flaws

Feign perfection

Under the condescending gazes

Of aristocrats

He was soon bound to meet.

Arrival

And the clock strikes seven

Before him

What seemed to be a palace

Of grandeur scale

Emanating

Certain velocity

Of royalty.

Marble steps

A thin coat of water

Like a mirror

Disturbed by systematic drops

Of cold rain

Reflections of light

With each step

A sinister atmosphere

Lurked around him

As he walked

Into the belly

Of the beasts.

Finding himself

Before a certain devil woman

With a dangerous smile

A dress of dark scarlet

Befitting of a temptress.

It was a lethal affair

Leaving no room for blunder

A small fracture

On his crystal mask

Difference

Between failure

Or success.

For tonight

He was one of them

A mimic

Of presumed splendor

Extravagance

Perfection.

He would slap himself

For becoming

The very thing

He loathed

Despised

An illusion

A shell

Surreal character

A masked person.

Her arms wrapped around his

And if before

He would lose composure

Otherwise submit and follow

Now

He was the one

Who had the devil

On par

Equal ground.

Penetrating glares

Perhaps of surprise

Or prejudice

A greeting

As they appeared

In a royal hall

Before a table

Nobles of the social hierarchy

An intimidating sight

But he would have to

Hold his ground.

It was surrealistic

A peasant such as him

Daring to stand among

The lords

And mistresses

Of the capitalist summit.

Corinthian pillars

Walls lined

With crimson felt

An exquisite chandelier

Of diamond and gold

A bright incandescence

Unveiling before him

By a stroke of luck

Or curse

Faces

One of the last things

He wanted to see

And the law of Murphy holds true

Bad

Gets a whole lot

Worse.

Because as he conjured the scene

It would be apparent to him

That the people in the room

All add up

To a dire

Conclusion.

The motive

Behind the invitation

He had predicted correctly

But even his calculations

Were rendered irrelevant

By a volatile factor

Which would be

The presence

Of two

Individuals.

"Mama. Papa."

Cold sweat

Trickled down his back

Upon the mention

Of names

Which confirmed

His suspicions.

Realization dawned upon him

This was

In fact

Another game

No backing out now

Finish it

And win.

"I would like to introduce a guest."

Her hand motioned for me.

My cue.

"Hikigaya. Hikigaya Hachiman. A pleasure to meet you, madam. Sir."

In perhaps a bold act

Of confidence

Or suicidal foolishness

He offered his hand

And though he expected otherwise

The man shook it

And he kissed

The hand

Of the lady.

"Haruno. I was not expecting any more guests this evening."

There was a certain level

Of coldness

In the woman's voice

Far more intimidating

Than those of a certain

Ice queen.

Compared to the lady

In front of him

She paled down to a degree

That it would be fair

To consider her demeanor

Warm

In contrast

To this woman

Her mother.

"Apologies ma'am. She wished for me to accompany her to this meeting. If my presence is unwanted, I shall gladly take leave."

With such an interjection

He would have to re-evaluate

His mental state

To find out

He was either a lunatic

Or a real fraud.

On the other hand

It was a valid excuse

To escape

The damned place.

Dead eyes met dark blue ones

And he may as well

Look at death

Right in the eye

For he was face to face

With a woman

Of a caliber

Overshadowing

Even the devil

Beside him

Looking to his direction

With a stunned gaze

As if he had done

Something

Dangerous.

Impossible.


	32. Dangerous II

A memory

Of a certain

Fire Queen

Quoting from her

A small lesson

With colossal impact.

We always have a choice.

Even the lack of choice

Is a choice.

Thus, he chose.

He refused to play along.

The woman in front of him

If one would look closer

Thunder and lighting

Between them

Her glare

Certainly enough

If it could kill

He would die a hundred times.

Only a hundred times.

Some time ago

He was certainly a cynic

With a weak resolve

And if he was the same man

He would break down

In ruins

But no.

A gaze such as hers

Definitely dominating

Crusher of will

He was no exception

It was taking a toll

On his resolve

Yet he was quite nonchalant

Although it was menacing

He could care no more

Than getting this whole matter

Over with

So he could leave.

His hands found their way

Into his pockets

All the while

Maintaining

A façade of self-assured

Calm composure.

And he matched her glare.

"Very well. You may as well join us for dinner. Take a seat."

There was tension in the air

With an atmosphere

Not only can you cut it with a knife

He may as well use a hatchet.

The grand oval table

Of dark lacquered wood

Smooth as if glass

And on a cushioned seat

He leaned his tense body

And breathed calmly.

There are times

In life

When even the devil

On your shoulder

Will ask you

What the fuck are you doing?

And speak of the devil

To his left

Her.

"Hikigaya-kun."

"Yes."

"You seem awfully calm... about all this."

"Do I?"

He frowned at her.

"Actually, I am having one hell of a fucking time. Why did you not tell me the Yukinoshita are going to be here?"

He whispered

Venom and frustration

Apparent in his voice

Which earned him

A mischievous smirk

From the conniving girl

Beside him.

"That's more like you. It was a surprise."

"Oh, color me surprised alright. Even your grandmother is here."

He carefully eyed

An elderly woman

Thin gray hair

In a dark kimono

Yet strangely enough

In the room

Of currently four cold people

She seemed

In a word

Warm

Less menacing at the very least.

"Oh no. She's not my grandmother. That's Miyako-sama."

"Uh-huh. Whatever. I'm not interested in your little family reunions."

There were still

Several empty chairs

Which could only mean

More company.

And assuming

The several dozen people

Excluding the five of them

Standing around the dining hall

Would be relatives

Or more

Blue-bloods.

And by some even more

Wretched stroke

Of luck

Or misfortune

It seemed as if

Worse

Just got worse.

"My, my. Look who showed up."

His eyes widened

Aghast

At the sight

From the grand doorway

Appeared

The ice queen

The prince of masks

And his family.

His face paled

Heart sank

It was bad enough

The Yukinoshita

Now

The Hayama as well

And he cursed under his breath

Inwardly grimacing at the sight.

"Fuck. You."

The devil gleefully smiled.

"Is that on your bucket-list?"

"Seriously. What the hell are you thinking?"

"Now is a good stage for some fun."

"Fun..."

He could only knead his temple

As he staved off

A headache

Induced by such

Rapid

Repulsive

Events.

Looking at the two

It seemed the feeling

Is mutual

An expression

Of shock

Disbelief

And perhaps

Extreme hagride.

Everyone at the table stood up

To greet the new guests

As he exchanged glares

From a particular

Blonde prince.

Stranger still

The ice queen

Merely gazed at the floor

Not daring to look up.

The two families

Exchanged salutations

Unfortunately

Soon enough

Attention was drawn

Towards a new face

Among them.

Particularly, him.

"New face I see. Who's this young man?"

"Hikigaya. Hikigaya Hachiman, sir."

The social interactions

He involved himself in

During this dreaded event

Far exceeded his yearly quota

And will last him into old age.

Note to self

Never go

To events

Especially

Champagne

And ties

Ever again.

All these social exchanges are killing him.

And all the while

A certain devil woman

Was genuinely enjoying herself.


	33. Dangerous III

In the art of deception

Observation

Understanding

Is key.

Coincidentally

Loners and cynics

Excel at these grounds.

Thus

They can make themselves

Appear

And disappear

Figuratively

A powerful asset

Yet

With a fatal flaw

That is

More often than not

A timid personality.

Confidence

Either a weapon

Or a hindrance

In the hands

Of a mastermind

Or a fool.

It would be plausible

To analogize

A cold glass of water

Condensation flowing down

To his mental state

Cold

Sweat

Perhaps tears

He may soon find out.

The grand table

Soon filled

End to end

With relatives and guests

From two families

And many more faces

He could not care less about.

Across him

two figures

He knew

The stench of deception

Lies

And more lies

Conclusion.

Like candy, some men are sweet.

And covered in plastic.

In this case

A goddamn feet of thick plastic.

This may explain

Why such people

Always bail out

In the heat of the moment.

Plastic melts in heat.

He would love to set this one on fire.

The wine glasses were filled

And he eyed the dark red liquid

With suspicion

For no real reason

Or perhaps

From an inner voice

Yelling madness.

Everyone stood up.

"Apparently, we have a new guest with us tonight. Hikigaya-san, if you will."

He may have caught

A heart attack

At the mention of his name

As two dozen eyes

Bore holes into him.

He looked at the sir Yukinoshita.

Is this man trying to kill me?

Charily, He raised his glass.

"A toast. To those who has seen us at our best. And at our worst. And couldn't tell the difference!"

Perhaps he had spoken too loud

Or emphasized the last part

With a faint trace of sarcasm

Because beside him

And all around

Faint chuckles

But not of mockery.

Everybody raised their wine glasses to this.

Thankfully

The excessive

Spotlight on him

Dimmed

And he slowly sat down

Resisting the urge

To crash into his chair.

"That was an excellent speech right there, Hikigaya-kun."

He could only huff a reply

As he imbibed the cold water

To sedate his nerves.

"So. tell us more about yourself, Hikigaya-san."

The two Yukinoshitas

Intently looked at him

And the little ice queen

Even the prince

And his royal family

Aimed stares at him

Pinning him in a crossfire.

For fuck's sake.

"Well, for one. Haruno right here, found me in a miserable gutter in life. One thing led to another and here I am. Lovely, isn't it?"

He could not tell

Whether the answer was automatic

Or he was experiencing

Throes of madness.

His answer was snappy

And laced with sarcasm

Yet it incurred

Humorous laughter?

Even the sly devil

Cheeks hinting a bit of red

Giggled.

The true test

Of a man's character

Is how he handles

Jokes about himself.

Source: me.

"That's quite some background. And what about your family? Do they also live in this 'miserable gutter in life'?"

Now what is a man's character

On handling jokes

About his family?

He gritted his teeth.

Do not break the mask.

"Not quite. Consider it a straw hut, by your aristocratic standards."

The noise died down

And the air

May as well have been gas

Risking explosion.

Even the devil woman

Looked at him

With a troubled smile

Peach eyes

Telling him to stop?

Realizing the acid

In his words

Swiftly defuse

And prevent a deadly firefight.

"But hey. There's food, clothing and beer. All the essentials."

Even he

The cynic

Chuckled at what he just said

And the men too

Laughed.

Who was he kidding?

Beer. Such a blatant save.

Alcohol works like a charm

An appeal

To men.

Such are men.

"You look well dressed. I recognize that suit..."

"Burberry, Gray 36."

"Excellent choice."

Unbelievable.

Did he just buy his ruse?

Yumiko, thank you.

Apparently

He was doing too good of a job

Pretending

To be one of these

Rich assholes.

All he had to do

Is spew out

Exquisite bullshit.

"Doctor Miura?"

"What?"

What?


	34. Machiavellian I

"You knew Miura-sama?"

It was a question from the Hayama father.

Images of

A certain blonde

And a stubbled man

Coursed through his mind.

Certainly, they were referring to her father.

He rarely saw him

And when he does

It was as if

Looking at a reflection

Of his older self

Yet unlike his dead-fish eyes

His were narrow and wary

Signs of a man

Tired and fed up with life

A cynic

Just like him.

He was a medical doctor

Judging from the instances

He would spot him

In an untidy white coat.

Once

He had spoken

With his friend's father

And it was revealed to him

That he was a bit of a philosopher

Albeit more hardened than him

Still a caring father.

Now to the question, what would he say?

He only saw him

No more a dozen times

And talked half those encounters.

A mysterious man.

"His daughter lent me this suit."

Perhaps a fair answer.

"Hikigaya-kun is friends with Yumiko-chan."

Of course. Take over, devil girl.

"Interesting."

All the while

The ice queen and prince

Beside each other

Quiet

But paying more attention

A pair of icy blue eyes

Peered at him.

Time seemed to drag on

Understatement

Crawl.

It is a proved scientific fact

Time dilation

A phenomenon

Occuring

In extreme presence of gravity

And in moments

When one

Is having

A hell of a time.

"What do you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why they know Miura-san."

"Honestly, I don't know that much. For a fact, Miyako-sama is a Miura."

He raised an eyebrow to this statement.

"Haruno. You are not telling the whole truth."

"All will be revealed in good time."

"Good time? You dragged me into this hellhole, pit me against your parents. Now's just a good time as any."

"Hush now. Changing topic, I'm impressed with the amount of confidence you are putting out tonight."

"You have no idea."

Sipping from his glass

Red wine

Trace of spirit

Quite soothing

How much time

Can alcohol kill?

Poking his fork

At the fine dish

In front of him

Perhaps it was no more than

An hour

Yet it felt like too long

And he was tired

Mentally

Even physically

Hunger was absent.

It was too much to process

Finding himself

Among the rich

He felt miserable

Yet strangely

Comfortable.

Soon

There was music

And the gentlemen of the table

Stood up

To invite their ladies

A dance.

Even more

He just stared

And let out a small smile

Seeing the prince

Ask for the hand

Of the ice queen.

Perhaps

Even the prince of masks

Have the nerve

To court a woman

An ice queen no less

For this

He respected him

If only for a bare minimum.

It was too disappointing

That it is a relationship

More likely has to do

With politics

Than true love.

Marry for love

Divorce for money.

He knew that much.

The two smelled of

Arranged marriage

Deluded assumptions

And money.

He felt sorry for the ice queen.

She was stuck up and all

Even worse

Commanded by expectation

And blind desire

To surpass her sister

Just another

Inferiority complex.

"Ne, Hikigaya-kun. Are you not going to ask me to a dance?"

He simply smirked.

"Of course, milady."

To think of it

This night would be burned

Right unto the back of his mind

The night

When he dined with the kings

And queens

Of the social kingdom

By putting on

A conniving faux

Clever mimicry

A feat he never thought possible

Yet now

Here he was

Holding a seductive beauty

Under the soft white light

As they meticulously moved

With every tempo

A motion of the foot

As they danced

Into the night.

In another light

They saw him

A strange man

Dead were his eyes

Sinister

Yet sharp

In mind and manner

A character

Befitting

Of a ruthless

Polymath.

They knew little

Of this young man

In a crisp grey suit

He certainly looked

Someone of power

On par with them

Little did they know

It was simply

A well acted

Façade.

Indeed

They were certainly impressed

Of his mannerisms

Ability to hold a conversation

All the while maintain

A cold

Calm

Demeanor.

But perhaps

He was the first man

Whom they have witnessed

Tame the heart

Of the devilish woman.

And they watched

As the two danced

Moving with grace

And elegance

Their eyes locked

Unto one another

And indeed.

It is the passion

Behind the rose

That captivates

A lady.


	35. Machiavellian II

Dancing

Is when one

Allows the body

To do the talking.

Of course

There are

Other ways

To talk.

With his left

He held her right

And her arm behind his neck

His arm

Holding her close

By the back.

"Aren't you quite the charmer."

"Am I?"

"Mmhm."

By now

He has gotten used

To her

Manipulative gaze.

"Is this still a part of your little games?"

"Hmm... The part where you easily conceded to dance was quite unexpected."

"Just playing along."

"Are you? I never expected you to exchange pleasantries with my parents. Much less hold a conversation."

"You underestimate me too much."

He pulled her

Slightly closer

As their eyes connected

When dead black

Meets bewitching peach.

"You invited me here to marvel at my diffidence. You won't get the pleasure."

"Oh, I fancy you. Always unpredictable, Hikigaya-kun."

Soft mellifluous music

Under a yellow hued light

The tiles of marble

And black onyx

It was truly a fine atmosphere

Had it not been born

Out of a rabbit hole

Magnified infatuations

A sense of wanting

Fueled by interest

For mere entertainment

Tempered by lust.

Romance is the subtle interplay of libido.

Which essentially

Making sex

An act of procreation

Suitable for recreation.

Here he was

In a quagmire of doubt

Bewilderment

Illusion

He was no exception

A young man

Infected with hormones

Yet in this case

Reasoning

Must override

Lust.

Yes.

He was simply caught

In the heat of the moment.

If so

He may as well

Play the game

Perhaps even win it.

Each step

A fraction closer

Animal magnetism

Primal attraction to heat

Two of them

Like serpents

Prowling in a swamp

Of human desires

And self-interest

Cravings

For emotional

Satisfaction.

Eventually

To the point

When each motion

Allowed their body to collide

Like static attraction

An exchange of heat

Her chest against his

Leading to a reaction

When their limbs

Fail their function

Forcing her to clutch

Arms wrapping ever so

Desperately

To counter the gravity

Inevitably drawing their faces

Closer

A breath away.

"You are doing this on purpose..."

"Am I?"

"You're pretty heavy, you know."

To this remark

She felt her face

Flush up

In a fit of crimson red

Biting her lip nervously

As she re-aligned herself

Squirming under his hold.

"Mou, Hachiman... you shouldn't talk about a woman's weight..."

She pouted coyly

And now it was his cheeks

With a tinge of redness.

"Isn't there a double standard? While you women talk about height."

"I like the fact that you are taller. Means you have to stoop down when you kiss me."

"Inversely, it's good because you can't just reach me that easy."

In a sudden move

She closed the distance

Only an inch away

As her lips glistened

Moist and pink

Hot breath

Against his neck.

"Oh... you think?"

In retaliation

He nuzzled close

And whispered to her ear.

"Try me."

It was priceless

Even satisfying

To give the temptress

A taste

Of her own

Medicine.

"Did I mention you looked beautiful in that dress?"

"O-oh... ah-nh... I don't think so..."

Compliments and flattery.

The former

Is praising the beauty of the dress

And the latter

Praising the beauty of the dressed.

"You're pretty foxy... especially tonight..."

"In the dark, anything goes."

"W-what's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you want to find out?"

He smirked

It was such an ethereal

Moment

Like two felines

Locked in close quarters

Dreamlike provocations

A game of risk

Dark passions

With neither side

Backing down.

It was surreal.

He would not be surprised

To find out

It was all a dream.

Yet the look in her eyes

Assured this was indeed

Real.

"P-please... I want..."

It was such a fine show

Of manipulative prowess

By a certain

Machiavellian

Woman.

Seduction is complete

If it ends in compliments.

"...you."

A soft moan

Enticing

When all men would fall

He would be reminded

It was still a game

He was still playing.

Her lips

Ever so slowly

Approached his

Had they met in another

Instance

Perhaps.

Chemistry

Between them

It would be

Volatile and caustic

Yet a powerful stimulant.

If he turned away, he would lose.

On the other hand, if he did concede.

Break the mirage.


	36. Machiavellian III

A slight dip

As the music

Reaching an interlude

By the grace of luck

Saved by the bell

Evasive maneuver

Swerving away

From her

Lustful lips

Met air

As he

Planting a kiss

On her forehead.

Finally

A separation

Of bodily contact

To which

He inwardly sighed

In relief.

"Ara... you are quite seductive, Hachiman."

"On the contrary, you are quite gullible."

"Love makes a fool of us all."

"Ah, but this is not love."

"Oh? And if I give you heart?"

A hand

Lightly on his shoulder

As she traced a delicate finger

Across his chest.

"A woman who gives a man her heart enchains him."

"But I want you... I want to enchain you."

"You're going to have to do better than that."

With a hand

Swiping off hers

And drew an imaginary line

Between them

And smiled back at her

With amusement.

"I have everything... yet... without you... I may as well have nothing."

"Talk no more of your wealth unless you want to give it to me."

"I'll give you myself as well..."

"Silly girl."

Strangely

He had no qualms

So far

The suit of disguise

Fit snugly

Noting to self

Use sparingly.

"Nee-san, what is the meaning of this?"

"Oh hi there, Yukino-chan."

Turning around

Finding a certain ice queen

In a prussian blue dress

And the blonde prince

In a darker blue suit

A fierce contrast

To the devil woman

Beside him.

"How did this fish find it's way here?"

There goes the ice queen

And her usual

Blunt insults.

"Oi. This fish you are talking about was dragged here by your lovely sister."

"That's right. Isn't it nice to have Hikigaya-kun with us?"

Ice queen

Devil woman

Sparks fly

Meanwhile him

Matching the glare

Of the blonde prince

With hand in pockets

He stepped away.

"What are you doing here, Hikitani-kun?"

"Surprised?"

"This is not a place I would associate with you."

"Indeed. Say, are you and Yukinoshita together?"

His straightforward query

Froze the blonde

And for a split-second

He flinched

Revealing

Trepidation.

"That is none of your business."

"Is it?"

A question from the devil woman.

"Yukino-chan here, being my little sister. Makes this my business."

Sensing tension in the air

He crossed his arms

Simply listen

A spectator

Of a gladiator match.

"Ne, Yukino-chan. Are you sure you know everything about this boy?"

He winced

At the provocation

And looking at the man

In question

The mask

Surely beginning

To shatter.

"Nee-san. Don't beguile me."

"Oh, I am not. Does she know?"

"Haruno. Don't you dare."

Now

He may have seen

If not a glimmer

Of true character

From the masked prince

A furious man

Yet

By allowing anger

He was simply

Doing what the devil

Intended

Tricks.

"Ahem. If you three want to fight, I'll be right over there."

Thankfully

He found himself

Seated back

At the large table

But now

It was only him

And an old woman

Yet it was certainly bearable

A few moments

Of calm

Before the storm.

"Hikigaya-san, is it?"

"Yes ma'am."

The elder smiled at him

Although

It was one

That did not reach the eyes

Nevertheless

Certainly

Soft.

"You look just like him, in that suit."

"Pardon?"

"My son. Miura Saito."

He froze.

Rare were the times

He heard his friend

Call her father by his name

The relationship

Between the two

Was lapelled

With slight animosity

Yet not as cold

Between his own father

And him.

"I don't recall any instances you visited them at the house?"

"No. I have not seen Saito-kun in several years."

He could certainly

Detect notes

Of family issues

It was a daring assumption

Animosity

Between father and son

He could relate

But a fallout

Between mother and son

A very unfortunate predicament

One he dare not

Stick his nose in.

Of all the people in the room

This old woman

Was the least

Intimidating

And given that

She is indeed

The grandmother

Of the fire queen

It would be fine

As a friend of hers

To associate

With a family.

Family.

Such a nice word.

Intimacy

Tempered

By unity

In blood.

The price of wisdom

Is everything you know.

What is the sense

In loving

A sibling

Offspring

By own blood?

In time

As life

The older

A man

Becomes

The more he questions

Cost of answer

Humanity

Replaced

By logic

Cynicism

In other words

Reality.


	37. Façade I

In the sea

Of life

Cold and deep

Waves of despair

Family

Is the ship

That stays together

Going against the tide

Ride the storm out.

He had the essentials

A loving mother

A sweet sister

Even if

His own father

Quite scorned him

It was real

Perhaps

The closest object

To genuine

In an elusive world.

He was a cynic

A skeptic

Taking all

With a pinch of salt

And an eye

Of suspicion

Lessons learned

From a damage

Dealt to the heart

Mind

Soul.

Challenges make or break a man.

We can either be stronger

Or we can learn.

But in the end

Amidst all that

He too believed

If all else

Without family

Man has nothing

But death.

Life has no inherent meaning.

All definitions must be constructed.

Time

Perhaps

Flew a bit faster

In the moments

Of inner monologue

And idle trance

Where the body is dead

The mind comes alive.

Too soon

They were joined

By the fathers

And mothers

From both

Two families

And here he was

Once more

Locked in an intersection

Of attention.

"Hikigaya-san. You and Yukinoshita Haruno seem close."

He nods in response.

The woman

Whom had dwarfed the ice queen

In terms of coldness

Now

Strangely

He did not bother.

"I must say. This is a first."

"You are the only young man that has ever caught the attention of Haruno."

"Oh no. I must admit, she is interested in me. But only for mere entertainment."

"Ah, but by entertainment. You have certainly caught her fancy."

"This does not change anything, does it. Yukinoshita-san."

A stubbled, blonde man interjected.

"On the contrary. with Haruno being our eldest daughter, this may very well change everything."

"And what of Hayato?"

"The engagement continues."

He scowled.

"Do not tell me you will retain half the assets."

"We will see if your son is as capable. This young man here has shown more balls than your little prince."

"You greedy double-crosser. There was an agreement."

"And it is not yet official, is it? After all, this is just an engagement."

As the two men quarreled

The cynic was stunned

Dumbfounded

By the escalation

Of events.

Engagement?

Assets?

This was the pinnacle

Of corporate operations

Modus operandi

Capitalist business men

A testament

In the world of society

That there is no friendship

Only mutual interests.

Politics is warfare without the bloodshed.

A race to the top

And to climb the steps

Push one down

Step over their head

And take it all.

Fame, fortune and power.

One is enough

Two is lucky

To have all

Is greedy.

It was repulsive

And even a cynic

Must understand

Not everything

Is served

On a silver platter

Men get down and dirty

To find gold.

Yet he had nothing to do with it.

Did not need

Nor want

Anything

To do with it.

He came here

Expecting a storm

Now

A catastrophe

Hurricane of greed

Deceit

Cutthroats and liars

And he understood well

Aristocrats.

Creatures

Will stab you on the back

Moment you turn around.

"Gentlemen. I do not, want or need, absolutely anything to do with this."

They all looked at him in surprise.

"If we are talking money and business then clearly, I am not supposed to be here."

"But that is absurd. Are you not the love of Haruno?"

How bold of you to assume.

"What led you to that assumption?"

They stared at him

In silence

Cold gazes

Yet he merely

Looked back

With equanimity

He shook his cuffs

And sipped on wine

As if

He was

Some higher being.

Inwardly

He was cursing his luck

Fingers crossed

The blue-blood façade

Carries him

Through

And out

Of this hell.

Mimicry at its finest.


	38. Façade II

"At best, I would only consider Haruno as a friend. We are merely acquaintances."

A friend?

That would be

At best.

The blonde man

Was noticeably pleased

And he could spot

A small smirk.

On the other hand

The father of ice

Clearing his throat

Sighed.

"Very well then."

He stood up

Intending to take his leave

When the man

Came forward

And in his hand

Another golden card.

Whatever is with these

Strange custom

Of exchanging

Pieces of paper?

"The offer still stands."

What offer?

"Feel free to contact me if you decide to change your mind."

The nerves of this man.

Reluctantly

He took the card

And pocketed it

Nodding.

"If you'll excuse me. I need to catch some fresh air."

Yes, some fresh air will do.

A goddamn lot of it.

Thus

There he stood

Away from the crowd

Out in an open terrace

Cold wind

Dark sky

Only the stars

To keep him company.

It was bizarre.

If he had known

What would have

Transpired

In this

Sinister

Champagne and ties

He would barricade his room

And keep out

Any sly devils

That try to take him.

He was frustrated.

Not only was he played

He was also roped

Into more

Complex events.

Simplicity is key.

Only fools complicate

Wise men

Simplify.

Money.

He needed it

But did not want it

Enough is enough

And if it involves

Politics

Galvanized by

Marriage

Then being a corporate slave

Is not so bad.

A man who retains his will

Is always free.

But to marry

Is to commit

Something

Even the cynical philosopher

Fail to fathom

Prison

A cell

For two people.

It rocked him to the core.

He sensed light footsteps

From behind

But surprised

It was not a certain devil woman

But the elder

He had seen ago.

"All those talk are exhausting, isn't?"

"Very."

Both of them

Shared

A small chuckle.

"Such are men. Money and fame."

He nodded his head

To think

Indeed

Old people

Understand

With the life they lived

How could they not?

He was comfortable

Talking to an elder

The grandmother of a fire queen

No less.

"How is my little Yumi-chan doing?"

"She is in good health, Miura-sama."

"That is good. Is she a good girl?"

To this

He blushed a bit

Such a question

Can be easily

Misinterpreted.

"Well... She's not in big trouble I guess."

"I see."

"She does not talk about family much."

"It is understandable. Saito-kun is the only family she has."

"But what about you?"

She shook her head

As if in gloom.

"Sadly, ever since her mother left, relations fell out between me and her father."

He tensed up

Emotional moments

It was not his tempo

And politely

He would not want

To find out more.

From all his friend told him

Her mother did leave

And speaking of her

Grandmother

She was virtually

Non-existent?

"Apologies. I should not ask."

"It's all right. You seem like a nice young man. I hope you are good friends with Yumi-chan."

He presented a small bow

And the woman left

It was a coincidence

Of all the places

Here he met

The mysterious grandmother

Of the fire queen.

He knew for a fact

They were a wealthy family

Her house was thrice as big as his

And just as extravagant

Yet it was strange

Because if the elder of the family

Miura Miyako

Is present

Where is the son?

Questions to be answered

In another day.

It was certainly

None of his business

Yet it was quite intriguing

As if a framed portrait of a family

Covered

By a shattered glass.

A broken family

Next worst thing

To none.


	39. Façade III

Another figure

Once more

Approaching

Blonde middle-aged man

It appeared as if

The prince

Have turned

Into a king.

"Hikigaya-san. Your presence has been quite... impactful, to say the least."

Translation

He was a nuisance

By appearing

Wrong moment and time

Raising the dust

Rocking the proverbial boat

A threat

To whatever plan

These power hungry

Beasts

Were conjuring.

"I suppose so."

He scoffed

Lighting a pipe

And took a long drag

Before looking at him.

"A man of a few words. You do not talk much, do you?"

"I do not have much to say."

The man chuckled

His voice was deep

Often with an air of

Menace

Surprisingly

Even a hint of joy.

"Hayato could learn a thing or two from you."

To the man

This mysterious

dead-fish eyed fellow

Who threatened to destroy

His own interests

Was quite the character

Perhaps even

The son he never had.

A shame

He had a poor excuse

For a prince.

"As much as I dislike you, I have to respect your conduct. Son, you have a bright future ahead of you."

The cynic winced at the statement.

If his life was a movie

He would laugh

At his current situation.

The plan

For a bland

But independent

Façade

Certainly

Blew

Right up his face.

"But if you decide to marry Haruno-san. We may get off the wrong boot."

His voice had an air of acid

As he eyed him

Warily

And walked away.

Worry not.

A devil is the last thing I want.

Checking the watch on his wrist

It was a good time to go

Past ten

He was spent

And felt like a corpse.

He shuffled back in the hall

Bid farewell

Hopefully never to see

These faces again.

Of course

He was once more

Followed

By a certain devil woman

And like a noose

Wrapped around him

Suffocating his being

Once more.

"Where are you going?"

"To the moon."

He snapped

Sarcastically

Eager to go home

And sleep like the dead.

"Take me with you."

He simply chuckled to her remark.

"Woman, I hope you had a good evening."

"Oh yes. And you?"

He sighed

Allowing his shoulders to droop

And wearily glared at her.

"You. Are. A real pain. In the ass."

She giggled

Nuzzling into his chest.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Definitely not."

With a hand

She pulled his tie

Closer

Dead eyes met peach ones

As her moist lips

Glistened

In a bid

To capture his.

"Ahem... too close."

"Mou... Hachiman... no goodbye kisses?"

"Fresh out. Savour that one kiss on the forehead."

"Hmph..."

She stared at him

With seductive eyes

A faint shade of pink

On her smooth cheeks.

"P-please..."

Clever snake. How could any man pass up this opportunity?

In a sudden movement

She pounced forth

In an attempt

To catch his lips

Wrapping her arms

Around his neck.

"Oi- mmphm..."

Fortunately

With quick reflex

Pulling his lips inward

And turning upward

Deflecting her attack

To his chin.

"Oi. Hold it woman."

"Mm... I was so... close..."

Profusely rubbing his chin

He grimaced at her.

"Don't kiss people just like that."

And in an unexpected turn of events

It was him

Who returned fire.

Planting his own kiss.

On the cheek.

Her face bloomed bright red

A rare sight

Almost surreal

Instead of a cunning devil

Just another woman

In front of him

Hiding her face

Behind her hands.

"Have a good night."

With that

He walked away

Leaving her

A mess of emotions

Her heart

Beating rapidly

Her legs

Trembling

A sensation

She has forgotten

Far too long.

Perhaps

He was taking the game

Too seriously

Too far.

But then again

If it does not go too far

Then it is not entertaining.

There is thrill.

On the edge.


	40. Schism I

Silent nights

The only sound

Distant noise

Indistinguishable

A static

Under the stars

Walk.

A house

Consider it a mansion

The dwelling

Of the blessed

Untouched by poor saps

But him

A friend

With relationships

Come benefit

Or drawback.

Money or friend?

Even better, friends with money.

A vile thought

To which he chuckled

Such preposterousness

Money is god

Business is religion

Workplace a church

The rich are the blessed

Poor are the damned.

Gullibility may be the original sin.

Poverty is the mortal sin.

And from beggars

To thieves

Is but a step lower.

Train of thought

Arrival at the station

Literally and figuratively

Finding himself

Before a porch

Knock on the grand door

To reveal

A drowsy fire queen

In a large gray shirt

And as it appears

Only in her underwear?

"Hachio..."

"It's way past eleven. What are you doing still up?"

"Hmph... I was waiting... for you."

Into the living room

Dimly lit by lampshades

It seemed late

Even smelled late

He was exhausted

A night of social interactions

Pitted against aristocrats

Spun around

And intimacy

With a certain devil woman

It was enough

Sufficient for a lifetime

A memorable

Albeit unnerving

Experience

But now

Rest.

The sooner he can go home

The better.

Just then

A warm feeling

Enveloping his back

A pair of arms

Hugging him.

"Hachi..."

"Oh- alright, come on now."

He squirmed

Turning around

A heap of blonde hair

And dreamy emerald green

Luring him to sleep.

She fumbled over the suit

Unbuttoning

All the while

Practically

Leaning her body

On his

While he on the other hand

Held her by the shoulder

Perhaps to keep her balance

And soon enough

It was off.

As if groping for something

She ran her hands

Against his white shirt

And held the tie

Pulling him closer.

"...achi... don't... leave..."

"Um... er..."

He looked in confusion

As she whispered softly

Soothing voice

Unlike the tone

Of a sly woman

It was warm

Calming.

Her arms slithered around him

Burying her face

Into his chest

As her weight shifted on him

Like an anchor

Unyielding

Unwilling

To let the ship

Leave.

In return

He wrapped his arms around her

And shuffled for the couch

Two figures

As she slumped over him

Foiling his attempt

To wriggle out

Of her embrace.

"Hey. Come on now."

"Just... a bit... longer..."

His cheeks reddened a bit

It was quite

An intimate position

He would hate to be caught

In another house no less!

She nuzzled closer

Like a cat

Making herself comfortable

Against his warmth.

It was such an ethereal moment

He would think

Sleep deprivation

Exaggeration

Like a tide

Sleepiness washed over him

A deadly trap

Threatening

Drown him

In a deep slumber.

Amidst that

Looking at the woman

Before him

It was no fire queen

Just an innocent girl

Her golden locks

Like a sleeping beauty

It was difficult to ponder

How character

A different color

From a different angle

Prisms

Spectrum of emotions

With a closer look

A color of love.

A small smile formed on his face.

He brushed her hair

Of golden silk

Her cheeks

Soft and pink

Pale smooth skin

Like polished marble

Her legs

Such flawlessness

And he looked upon it

As if admiring

A work of art

Which she is.

One of the finest paintings

Of beauty

Elegance

Arrogance

Courage

A fire that burned brighter

The stronger the rain.

Softly

He began

To whisper a song

One he had always wanted to sing

But never had the chance.

In the silence of the dim room

He hummed quietly

Lightly stroking her hair

Living in the moment

Nothing else mattered.

He loved her.

In her presence

He felt comfort

A sense of being

No need to mask

To pretend

To be.

In friendship

One feels at home.

It was humor

To think

It began with something volatile

And with time

Patience

Mutuality

Transform

Poison into wine

Into something genuine.

"Put your head on my shoulders..."

Something worthwhile.

"Hold me in your arms, baby..."

He who loves to a fault,

"Just a kiss goodnight, maybe..."

Loves the fault as well.

"You and I will fall in love."

Her lips

Unlike

Perhaps deep inside him

He wanted to.

But it was too good.

Thin lines

On a beautiful face

Drawn by silent tears

He knew

She knew.


	41. Schism II

He giggled a bit

As her face

Rapidly flushed

A deep shade of red

In an attempt to hide

Embedding herself

Into the crook of his neck.

"I know you can hear me."

"Mnhm... ngh..."

Desperately

Stifling a cry

An urge to giggle

In joy and embarassment

She let out a squeak

As he scooped an arm

Under her legs

And lift her up.

"H-Hachi- w-wha- mmphm!"

She could only bury her face

In his arm

Words refused to materialize

Even more

Leave her lips

As he carried her

Up to her room.

"Huff... you are pretty heavy."

"Nghn... S-shut up..."

She hissed with what little venom

She could muster

For the snake

Was easily wooed

By the snake charmer.

Her body was tense

And her hands clung tightly

Her heart was threatening to fly out

She refused to look at him

How could she?

Swallow her pride?

A simple question

Not.

Yet here she was

Helpless

In the arms

Of an elusive cynic

Her mind incessantly wandering

In the wrongest of directions.

Meticulously

He layed her

On the bed

It was dark

It was even more sinister

Such a provocative atmosphere

And still

She refused to budge

Like a trap

She had him

Locked in her clutches.

"Oi... let... go now."

"Sleep with me."

"I-I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"Fucking pervert! I said sleep, not sex!"

She tightened her hug even more

As she shot him

A deadly look

Emerald green

Against dead black ones

In the darkness of the room.

"Ngngh! Let. Go!"

In the ensuing scuffle

Like cats locked in a fight

He was trying to pry her off

To no avail.

"H-Hachi."

"Y-yeah?"

"I heard you."

"So you did."

"W-will you sing that to me again?"

"Oh no, no."

"Hmph! Sing it!"

She wriggled closer to him

Pinning him under her

Gripping his collars

As he leaned away from her face.

"Yumiko. You do know the... uh..."

"What."

"Position."

"Ah..."

Rolling off him

With a tinge of red

Awkward silence

Followed.

"Yeah. I think I should go."

No answer.

"Good night, Yumiko."

She was facing away from him

But he could make out

Faint mumblings.

In a bid

To provoke a reply

He leaned over

A quick peck to the cheeks.

"Hoy! W-what was that?!"

"Good night."

"G-get lost."

He simply smiled

And tousled her hair

One last time

Before disappearing.

Deafening silence followed.

The loudest noise

Is indeed silence.

The faint click of the door

And the distant creak of the gate

A signal

Soon

It was darkness

And her

Again.

Like a withering flower

Curling into herself

Tears flowed once more

Yet she did not know

Why.

The saddest tears

Are ones that appear

In silence.

Was she too rude?

Difficult?

Not good enough?

Perhaps

The seeds of doubt

Planted by a certain cynic

Grew out of hand

And now

A deadly weed

Of the mind

Emotion

Fear.

She shivered

Sniffles fill the air

As tears relentlessly cascaded

Down her cheeks

Vision

Blurred

Literally and figuratively

Her heart felt cold

A horrible empty feeling

A while ago

It was as if she would seize up

Her heartbeat was a mess

But now

She may as well be dead.

It hurt.

On him

She could smell

Her scent

Trace her presence

And everywhere she touched

It was as if baptized

By a plague

One that terrified her

A horror

If he would succumb to it.

To her.

A pillow muffled the sounds

Serving to absorb the tears

For no one was there

To wipe them away.

She knew

To let him go

A decision

Even fools

Are not that foolish.

They say

If you love someone

Set them free.

How could she?

He was a diamond

In a world of coal and soot

One that she has dug up

Polished

Come to love.

Is friendship not enough?

Why does love demand more?

What is love

If it is enough?

Love is nothing

If it is not everything.

Crying oneself to sleep

Such an expression

Strange

And sad

The first step

Towards a cliff

Despair.

Hindsight is always

Better than foresight

Only in the end

We look back

To realize

What we could have done

What we should have done.

No dreams tonight.

No nightmares either.

The latter

Was out loose

Threatening to destroy her

And take away

Everything she loved.

Nothing as lovely

Nor sweet as nectar

As wine

From a broken jar.

She hoped

That she was everything

To him.

Because he was everything

To her.


	42. Schism III

Dawn marks a new day

Yet it does not erase

The marks of yesterday.

Without the presence

Of a certain fire queen

Everything seemed a bit colder

A bit dull

And not as bright.

Seasons change

So does relationships

From warm

To cold

Like coffee

Love poured from the heart

Hot

By the laws of thermodynamics

Yes, it applies

All things cool off.

Fools dwell on the past

Wise men in the present

Idiots on the future.

In a coat

Once again

Peacefully traipsing

Along stone walkways

It was a quiet morning

Just what the doctor prescribed

And what the loner needed.

Last night was smoke

Waiting to come down

Only then

Will he see

If he had won

The game

Between him

The cynic

The devil.

On the other hand

And indeed

He was not oblivious

He sensed tension

As if a rope

Taut and about to snap

His relationship

With a certain fire queen

Reaching a breaking point

And the question

For he knew

To grow

It must first be broken

But what if

It cannot be simply mended

Anymore?

He was not a fool

But he was not one

To dare assume

Signs of romantic attachments

The calm before the storm

It was a deadly bomb

Explosive

Destructive

This relationship

Rigged to blow

Little to no choice

A way

To defuse the situation

Nowhere

Non-existent.

Only one

Of two

Ways

Accept

Or

Reject

Love

Or

Not.

He knew

From experience

Wisdom gained

From pain and suffering

Solitude and silence

He loved once

But looking back

Looking closer

Was it really love?

No.

It was not.

Infatuation

Influence situation

Drive a person's motive

In the wrong directions

Derailing a sense of reason.

Love, the sixth sense.

It destroys all the other five senses.

Irrationality

Tempered by lust and desire

Override rational thinking

The meaning

To be human.

Past would teach him

Looking back

The fabled story

One that he has faced

Escape the purgatory

To tell the tale.

There is no friendzone.

Romanticism

Is the end of one road

And if you are unfortunate

The start of another

Highway

To hell.

Man cannot simply

Stay as measly friends

With the opposite sex.

Primal instincts

At its finest.

Like a fog

The feelings linger

Dead souls

Unreciprocated

Wandering

May someone

Put them to rest.

You are either loved

Or not.

If not

Deal with it.

From love

To friendship

Is but a step

Lower.

However

From friendship

To love

Is tantamount

To blowing up

The whole staircase

In hopes that when the dust settles

Both poor souls

Will be together

At the bottom.

A preposterous assumption.

Fooled around

Fell in love.

A common story.

In order not to fall

Watch your fucking step.

Yes

It was simple

Yet one cannot simply

Pay attention

To affection

That easily.

He understood

Human emotions

An incalculable factor

Otherwise

Humanity

Would have been

Digitalized

A long time ago.

Lessons from a wise sensei

A testament

Without love

You have all else.

Knowledge

Wisdom

Comes with a price.

But without love

What good is everything?

Dangerous thinking

But to foresee

And develop

Course of action

One must prepare

Emulate situations

In the mind.

A woman who gives you her heart

Enchains you.

It was true.

But what if

It was not a certain devil woman

But a fire queen

Who has captured

His heart?

It would be more accurate

To say

That he has captured

Their hearts.

One

Was feasible

To think

Perhaps it could work

But bad

And evil

Is mixing two poisons

Together

And expecting good

To come out.

The other

Was equal

To sending

A good friendship

Out of the window

In order to joust

For another relationship

Far more volatile

Unstable

Sensitive

Brittle.

Nothing lasts forever

All things come to an end

Yet it is a matter

Of what survives longest

To be remembered

In memory.

Friendship certainly lasts longer

Than romanticism

Galvanized by sex

And lust

For the imminent step next to it

Is marriage

A life sentence

To carry the burden

Of another person.

Cynicism may be the torch

To light the way

Or the grenade

To throw at such illusions

Destroy

And see the truth.

Romance is a dream.

Marriage is reality.

Divorce is awakening.

The fatal flaw

Is giving her

A sense of hope

Illusions

Giving her enough rope

To hang herself.

Over an inevitable schism.


	43. Friction I

Break the barrier

Shatter the illusion

Of preconceived notions

If need be

Cut the ropes.

Silence is always the prelude

To caustic atrocity.

A day went by

Without so much

A word or text

From a naturally

Boisterous fire queen.

And although

He could see her

In the corner of the room

There was a sense

Of invisibility

Between them.

On the surface

Like thin ice

It seemed solid

A bit more pressure

The whole façade

Caves in.

"Hey, Hikki..."

"What is it?"

"Do you know what's wrong with Yumiko-chan?"

It would be a blatant lie

To say otherwise

Not that an airhead

Would know

Yet it was certainly wrong

To fabricate any more assumptions

Than he already had.

"I will go talk to her."

"She seems so... unhappy. Do you know what happened?"

It would be idiotic

To play dumb

And pretend to be oblivious

To the obvious.

It was no cliché.

He knew

And sensed

Elephant in the room

A goddamn big one.

"Yeah. I think I have an idea. Don't worry about it. I'll sort it all out."

An overstatement.

He cannot just simply

Sort it all out.

It would be a bloody business

Perhaps the next greatest

Or worst feat

He was to execute

In a long time.

Hours flew by

It definitely seemed

Nothing out of the ordinary

If not for the knowledge

Of an underlying grudge.

He followed her

Each step

An inch closer

Adamant to reach

Under the cold dusk skies

Her orange coat

Blended with the light

And her blonde hair

Swayed beautifully.

"Yumiko."

She refused

To so much

As to look at him.

"Hey, Yumiko."

"What do you want?"

"Ok. Seems like you can hear me."

"Tch. Whatever."

"I want to talk."

She frowned at him

Green eyes

Eliciting scorn.

"Leave me alone!"

With a burst of speed

She ran forward

Away from him

But he cannot allow it

Chase after a fire

And to capture it

Even if it burns

Hold it close.

"L-let go will you! Oh my god, you are so stupid!"

"Listen to me-"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"What is this about? Is this about last saturday? About Haruno?"

His rapid fire of questions

Effectively stunned her

As her cheeks flushed red

And tears start to appear.

No point beating around the bush.

To be honest cannot be sweet.

"I-I... N-no it's... not..."

Her voice

Like a broken record

It was ragged

Unable to speak

But there was no need

He pulled her

Into a warm embrace

Serve to answer

The question.

Her arms surrounded him

Tightly

As she began

Bawling incessantly

To drench his chest

Once more

In tears.

From a proud queen

To a crying girl

Fall off

The proverbial stool.

"Listen. Nothing happened okay? I told you, it was just a little dinner reception that's all."

"D-don't lie to me!"

He froze

As her teary green eyes

Penetrated his dead-fish ones.

He may have forgotten

Women were seers after all.

"Look here. What are you so uptight about?"

"I-I'm not... it's not..."

"I know you remember what I did that night. I am sorry if that made you uncomfortable."

"No, that's not it."

"Then don't be jealous of Haruno-"

"You blunt idiot! I am jealous! What are you going to do about it?!"

"Calm down-"

Don't tell me to calm down! Fuck you!"

Her hands seized him by the collar

In between sobs

Her cheeks red

She clenched her teeth

As if a lioness

About to kill.

He smiled.

"W-what are you grinning about?"

"It is good to see you back again."

"Hmph!"

He brushed himself off

Handing a handkerchief

To a mess of hair and tears.

"I hate you."

"And I love that about you."

Her cheeks flushed

Immediately covering her face

In the white cloth.

"Die."

Certainly

If this was a romantic relationship

It would shatter right here and then

But it is not.

Love is friendship made dear.

There is commitment demanded

As in every relationship

The key

Is not how you keep it afloat

But how you come back

From sinking.

A cynic and a fire Queen.

Unlikely friends

Complementing each other.

It was straight out

Of a rom-com novel

But fair enough.

He could get used to it.


	44. Friction II

Sitting on a bench

Side by side

Under the orange sky

Faint rays of sunlight

The trees swayed

The grass rustled

And the cold wind

Bearable

With someone

To keep you company.

"So. How did the date with Hayama go?"

"He called it off."

"Strange. I was thinking you were all stressed up because something between you two went-"

"Quiet you. Don't assume."

He chuckled to her snappy remark.

"Then tell me. What are you really so pissed about?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because my best friend. Is messing around. with a snake of a woman. While I sit here watching. Helplessly!"

"Sarcasm, right there."

"I hate that bitch."

"Of course you do."

"Seriously."

She inched closer to him

Glaring at his face

A trace of red

On her cheeks.

"If your friend was out with another guy, how would you feel?"

"I guess I should celebrate her entry into womanhood?"

"Idiot!"

She pulled his collar closer.

"You are supposed to be all like, angry and jealous!"

"When did that become law?"

"It's an unspoken rule."

"Never heard of it. Why does this sound familiar?"

Friendzone?

"Ack-ouch!"

"That's not it!"

"Mind reader. You tell me."

"Say. Your friend comes home. She smells like that son of a bitch. And you can see hickeys on her neck."

"I-I wouldn't pay that close attention to her."

Her face turned crimson

Green eyes furious.

"P-please don't kill me."

"Next time you come home like that, mark my words. I. Will. Kill you."

"You are crazy!"

"So are you! Coming home in the middle of the night! I was waiting for you!"

"Why-"

"And then, all I can smell is that woman's scent! She even has her lipstick on your shirt!"

By god. Of course.

Memories of last time

The cunning temptress

One way or another

Was not going to let him off

Without a mark.

"O-okay detective. What's your point?"

"I hate her."

"You said that already."

"It's not fair."

"What's not fair? I thought you loved Haya-"

"Don't push it."

Her voice became cold

Menacing

The sharp end

Of the fire queen.

"Calm down..."

"Calm my ass. What was that kiss all about?"

"How do you know?"

"What do you mean, how do I know? You kissed me on the cheek!"

"Oh, that. Sorry."

"See, this is the kind of crap I'm talking about. Hachio, you don't just do that to any girl!"

"Noted. Do not kiss any girl."

She rubbed her temples

In frustration.

"Did you do that to her too?"

"I am not going to lie. Yes."

Her face paled

It was an unexpected answer

One she did not want to hear.

"Hachiman."

"Y-yes?"

"You are so dead."

She leapt forward

Her body crashed against his

With one more move

Before her lips touched his.

"Oi. T-this is becoming repetitive."

"Oh yes. I'll repeatedly hit you if you say such lies again."

"Fine, fine."

"It's not true. Is it?"

The truth

Is the wrong answer.

"No. I was just exaggerating."

"Whatever."

"Are we good?"

"No."

"Huh?"

"Not yet. Give me time, will you?"

"Sure. Take all the time you need."

"Hachi. Don't let the devil tempt you."

"Amen to that. By the way, I may have seen your grandmother at the meeting."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Don't be daft. Did she say anything about me? Or dad?"

"Well, she does love you. I think."

"You think?"

"Miyako-sama and your father seemed a bit cross with each other."

"True. I miss her."

"I feel you. She doesn't visit that often, does she?"

"No, not anymore."

Privacy and space

One of the highest forms of respect

Thus

Do not push on further.

In silence

Once again

Subtle understanding

Where words fail to conclude

Actions illustrate.

"This is the last week before the holiday break. Video games at my place?"

"Say no more. Let's go to places."

"Alright. As far as my energy will take me."

"That'll only get you up to the next street. Let's fly to Furano or something."

"Furano? The hell are we going to do there?"

"You'll see. We have a country house over there."

Scratching his chin

In contemplation

It would be a nice holiday

But he felt like staying in

For the winter.

As if she knew what he was thinking

It was decided.

"You are coming with me."

"But-"

"No buts. Next week?"

"Ah, damn it. Alright."


	45. Friction III

Subtle hints

A drop in temperature

Like still water

It was going nowhere.

Every move she made

Like an arrow against iron

Bounced off

Deflected with a smile.

An invisible barrier

Between them

The lack of trust

Honesty

Sincerity

And she looked

It was as if

A frozen image

Painting

Still life.

Look

But not

Touch.

This is the bottom of the jar.

No more sweets

Nor any love

Only a dry and cold

Husk of a man.

She would have to find out herself.

"Hayato. What's with you not showing up yesterday?"

"Sorry. I was just tired."

"Oh really? Because last I checked, you were not even at home."

The smile on his face

Like a crystal mirror

Shattered.

"Why do you even know- nevermind."

"If you don't want to give me a bit of your time, just say so."

"I need time. Alone."

It was a shock

The prince

Raising his voice

A first occurence

And the mask hung

By a string.

"H-Hayato..."

"I'm sorry. It's just that... alot of things happened recently."

"You can tell me."

Once more

A mask of smiles

Covered his true

Visage.

"It's okay, Miura-san. Thank you for your concern."

"How are things between you and Hikio?"

"I don't want to talk about him."

Try as he did

It was impossible

To hide scorn

Upon the mention

Of a certain cynic.

Perhaps

This is the hammer

To break through

The glass

Of illusions.

"Why do you always seem like you hate him? Is he that bad of a person?"

"Miura, please stop."

"Everytime I mention his name, you change the topic. What is it?"

"Stop it."

"Is it because you feel he's better than you?"

"Yumiko Miura! Shut up about Hikigaya-kun!"

She was shocked

Before her

A furious man

Lo and behold

The mask is off

Shattered.

"You want to know so bad? The reason I did not show up yesterday? Why I couldn't go with you that Saturday night?"

He took a deep breath.

"He didn't tell you, did he? Yes. I was there at the reception. And he came with Haruno and messed it all up."

"W-what are you saying..."

"Looks like your friend only showed you half the picture."

She was fishing for truth

And reeled in

More than she could handle.

"That idiot came in and pretended to be mister-rich-guy and fooled everyone. Which led to me getting berated and shamed by my own father, because your dear Hikio was 'the son he never had'!"

He frowned

Blue eyes

A dangerous gaze

Far sinister

Dark

A contrast

To his façade of brightness.

"And you want to know what's more?"

She did not know if she wanted to hear it.

"Haruno kissed him. Yes, your beloved friend even kissed back. I saw it."

"L-lies! He would never-"

"Oh, is that right? Admiration is the first step to disappointment. Everybody lies. Don't think Hikigaya is all holier-than-thou."

She felt tears starting to form

On the corner of her eyes

And the same feeling

Of cold emptiness

Returns.

"But it's not like you care, right? I'm not stupid. I know you love him. All this time, it was never about me. It was about him."

"Because you too never loved me!"

She was not backing out.

Not anymore.

Fiery green

Met

Icy blue

It was fire against ice

The confrontation

Of two aristocrats

In the social hierarchy.

"I'm not stupid either. You don't think I noticed? That mask of yours was too obvious. Look at you. Out and exposed, taking the bait. All it took was the mention of one name to send you into a rage. How pathetic."

He was furious.

Indeed.

Fooled for the second time

Once by a cynic

And now by a fire queen.

"Yumiko. Wait."

Slowly

Step away

Turn around

Walk away.

"Wait! I am sorry!"

What can sorry do?

Farther

Into the cold dusk

Carry away

A truth

Bitter

Sweet.

Like the proud flower she is

Tears cannot be seen

She will not allow it.

Yet it flowed once more.

He on the other hand

In a way

Succeeded

A planter

Seeds of doubt

Now a corrosive

Slow-induced poison

Payback

For the chaos

A cunning cynic

And a sly devil

Brought.

An eye for an eye.

But it will only blind them all.

Truth is the greatest medicine

And the worst poison

He had done nothing wrong

But honesty

It is a double-edged sword.

Worst still, he inflated it.

Revenge is sweet.

A dessert at the end.

Best served cold.


	46. Sage I

In solitude

Man has himself

To talk about.

Verbal exchange

Conversation

With another person

A glimpse

Different perspectives

Seeing

Through another set of eyes.

But in the end

What matters

The essence

Of being oneself

Being one with the self.

The more a man

Finding himself

He will lose

Another.

So you found

And you lost.

A repetitive cycle

One cannot have

Everything.

Extroverts feed off

The energy

From social interactions

Connections

On the other hand

Introverts

Creatures of silence

Draw power from weakness

That is, solitude.

No man is an island

Perhaps it is true

But then again

One can find himself

Marooned.

Society is a ship

All of us

The crew

And the outcasts

Are cast out.

Cool days

A blanket of cloud

A grey sea above

Trees and grass in the park

A peaceful scenery

If one would sit down

Slow down

Take the lazy river

In life

Do not rush.

Philosophy of the lazy.

A familiar face

In a dark red coat

A hat of velvet

Certainly a woman of class

But to find such being

Off her high throne

And down the peasant field?

Strange.

Looking closer

Indeed

His mind registered

A certain sage.

"Good afternoon, Miyako-sama."

For a moment

Sharp green eyes

But a soft smile.

"Hello, Hikigaya-san."

Normally

He would dare not

Approach another

For the sake

Mind your own business.

But strangely enough

He felt assured

This woman

Was unlike the rest.

Just as stand users

Attract other stand users

A distinct vibe

Detected only by true loners

Cynics and sages

People of the same wavelength

More often than not

Get along.

Birds of the same feather

Flock together.

He took a seat

On the cold wooden bench

Two of them

A peculiar sight

Unsettling silence

But beareable.

Spectators of a play

Quietly watching

Scenes

On the playground

The children frolicked

Such a soothing sight.

"If you don't mind, do you often visit this place?"

"On days like these, yes."

To some

Brief exchanges

Followed by a minute or two

Silence

Hardly what anyone can call

A proper conversation

Only a few understand

Patience.

"I like to watch the children play."

"Why is that?"

"They remind me what could have been."

Reading between the lines

He understood

Indeed

In life

Everyone contemplates

Alternate possibilities.

"Why do you not visit Yumiko anymore?"

"What creature dares come back to it's caves after leaving her family?"

The cynic was silenced.

"You must stand by your decisions and the following consequences, even if it means sacrifice. Once, there was a future where I was simply a kind grandmother, with a wonderful granddaughter. But I was selfish. Now, I do not intend to come back like a dog."

Such is pride.

Twisted was this woman

But he must understand

Respect those who admit to faults

But even more

To those who suffer

Consequences

And do not run.

But if you accept

For what it is

And do not go back

Is that not running away

In another form?

Everyone runs.

To which direction, that is what matters.

"They are family."

"And I loved them. I can see it in your eyes, you who did not deserve such blessing of love and friendship. Understand that only those who are compassionate deserve such."

He could not tell

If this woman

Was just as cynical as he is

Cold logic and conceit

To think

An optimistic and foolish

Yet fiery young woman

Was a descendant of her.

"Would it be possible to forgive oneself?"

"Perhaps. But only the strong can achieve such feat."

"Then be strong. For her."

She smiled at him

Faint

But sincere.

"Yumi-chan is very fortunate to have someone like you."

Crossing her arms

Look out into the distance

As if longing

For something.

"Everyone is a slave. To the circumstances, to duty. To obligation. Freedom in life is simply accepting an alternative- freedom in a cell of your own choosing."

"My mother and father are corporate slaves, as I like to call it."

Both of them shared a quiet chuckle.

"Hikigaya-san, do you think they have a choice?"

"We always have a choice."

"Then why did they not choose?"

The sage and the cynic

In chess

He was in check.


	47. Sage II

In life

Perhaps

We are condemned

To be free.

To live.

"Your mother and father have an obligation to fulfill. That is, being a parent to you and your siblings. They must work and toil hard, and what is the wage?"

He simply looked at her

For the moment

He was a listener

A student

To a teacher.

All the elderly people are teachers.

The young will learn wisdom even from the most foolish of them.

"It is not so much about money, nor is it for self-sustenance. It was never about them, it was for their children. To see their sons and daughters live a good life is worth all the gold in the world."

She looked out to the distance once more.

"Obligation made them slaves. In life, freedom is an ideal. We can only choose what will we be slaves to."

"Miyako-sama, is this how it really is?"

"Young man, tell me otherwise."

As much as he hated to concede

Bitter was the truth

Indeed

This old woman

Perhaps all the elderly

Are cynics to heart.

"But I love her, Yumi-chan. I love my son, and I love my husband. So much that it is imperative for me to leave in order to keep the family together. Ironic isn't it?"

The cynic simply smiled.

"Cruel kindness."

"Indeed."

"But why leave?"

"It's a cliché. Money and greed override love for the self and family. You know how it goes. Of course, if I had not been cursed with such fortune, then I would grow old in the company of my dear family."

"And this is exactly why I hate the rich."

He did not hesitate

To let loose his honesty

But the sage merely giggled.

"In truth, I was not born rich. My husband was simply another office hand. Hard times back then, and I raised a family of six."

"That's a surprise. Yumiko never mentioned any uncles nor aunts."

"She never got to meet them. I sent five of them abroad to study, and Saito-kun was still an infant at the time."

"They never returned, did they?"

"That's a story for another day. But wherever they are, I trust that they have succeeded in life. That is enough, for me."

"Miyako-sama. Is it really enough?"

She stood up and brushed herself off.

"Can I ask for any more, than to know that I raised them to be survivors?"

He stood up.

"The ends justify the means."

"Touché."

With a small bow

The two parted

But not without a farewell.

"Miyako-sama. Have a good afternoon."

"And to you too, child. Take care."

They say

A wise man can learn

More from a foolish answer

Than a fool can learn

From a wise answer.

Pessimistic as he is

The cold facts of life

Still a difficult pill

To swallow.

Food for thought

He was stuffed.

Hours go by

The sun and moon

Chase each other

Across the sky

Blue and orange

Rain or shine

Now

In the presence

Of a certain fire queen.

"Yumiko, do you miss Miyako-sama?"

"Eh? What's with this question all of a sudden?"

She warily glanced at him

As if inspecting

Sinister intentions.

Her gaze shifted

On a steaming cup of tea

In contemplation.

"Now you've mentioned it, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I mean like, she is nice and all, but she's a bit... cold?"

"You don't sound so sure."

"Oh, I'm not. I see her in the park on some occasions, but that's about it."

"Do you want to come with me?"

"What?"

She crossed her arms in suspicion.

"I talked with her this afternoon. Maybe she'll be there next day or so. Might be a good chance to get in touch with your grandma."

"Er... but you and me... does not bother you?"

Her cheeks reddened a bit

Eyes wandering to other directions

But him.

"Oh? You think she will assume that we're together?"

"That's... yeah. I-I got no problem with that- I mean, no... uh..."

He giggled much to her frustration.

"Hachi, screw you. Think this is funny?"

"You look cute when you are confused."

"Oh shut up."

She shook her head

Frowning at him

Attempt to check him

With a death glare

To no avail.

"Miyako-sama will definitely assume that. Get used to it. It's not true after all."

"Not... true..."

She mulled over the words

With a troubled look

In her eyes.

"But if you do not want to, it's alright."

"No. It's no problem."

There is a problem.

He was well aware

Of the presumtous fog

Accumulations.


	48. Sage III

She rested her cheek

On the palm of her hand

Blonde hair cascading down

As she looked out

Dusk settles

Dots of light appearing

It was such a serene atmosphere

But her eyes

Showed otherwise.

"Hachiman."

"Yes?"

"Are you free on Thursday?"

"I guess."

"I want to meet up. Be there for me, yeah?"

"Huh. Alright."

With a little smile

And her emerald eyes

Once more

Filled with joy

They parted

For the evening.

On the other hand

The cynic

Inwardly grimaced.

He knew what was about to transpire.

Slowly but surely

He was backed into a corner

No escape

Nor diversion

This was the end of the road

And the start of a new one.

One which he walked alone

And perhaps another

Where he walked alongside her.

Even in the darkest hours

No sleep for him tonight.

Can a man in death row

Get a good night's sleep?

They say

Nearing the end

One starts to cherish

The smallest things

And as cynical as he is

The little things

He had come to love.

A day goes by

Wrapped in a delicate veil

Ticking time bombs

Twenty or so more hours

Before zero.

Chalk on the board

An incomprehensible hieroglyph

When the mind is busy

All the other senses

Fail.

Everyone else faded away

As he was left

To himself

Just him and the self

His most loyal companions.

"Hachi, is something wrong?"

Her green eyes caught him

For a moment he was locked

Stunned and unable to react.

"Nothing..."

"Liar. I can see it in your eyes."

He smiled

Proud to have been the one

Transform a once unattentive girl

Into a keen observer.

He taught her well.

The last lesson

Yet to be learned.

"Oi, Hikio. You still there?"

"Yeah. Listen, I have to-"

Enough with the lies.

Once

He could have fooled her

But now

Simple excuses

Will not fly over her head

Truth.

"I need some time. Is that alright?"

Her face contorted into a frown

Confusion

Perhaps anxiety?

Indeed

She feared those words

Always the prelude

To a grim episode.

A certain blonde prince

When those words left his lips

She was simply agitated

But when the same words

Now from a cynic

Her heart sank

And the fire

Nearly gone out.

"H-Hachi. Whatever the matter is, you can count on me."

"I know."

He wanted to pull her closer

Into an embrace

But it would be selfish

To think that it would be

Interpreted as acceptance

When in truth

A refusal.

Fear was written on her face

A troubled look

Tears underway.

"Now, now. I just have some problems to work out by myself."

"Do you not trust me to help?"

Her brows scrunched in irritation.

"I do. More than anyone else. But some things are best kept away from others."

"That's like saying "I'll leave because I want to be better for you"."

"Well... yeah. It's kind of like that."

"Bullshit!"

She seized his shoulders and angrily shook him.

"Hachio! That logic is so outdated! You don't leave each other to be better! You help each other get better! Together!"

"Ho- alright! Let go woman. You are going to give me a concussion, geez."

She moved in

Wrapping her arms around him

A slight frown

Still apparent

Her cheeks red.

"I am not leaving on you."

"Promise?"

"Err... I don't make promises I can't kee- Ouchie!"

"Hachiman."

She stared at him

With sad eyes

Her lips pouted

A clever tactic

On par

With a certain devil woman.

"Oh, fine. Now release me."

Once again

She put on a bright smile

Quite contagious

Even the pessimist

Gave a smirk.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ha-chi-man."

She softly spoke his name

As if enticing him

To follow her trail

Indeed

Dangerous are women

Who learn and evolve

From each blunder

Encounter

They get better.

Each step

Brought forth

A feeling unfelt

In a long time

The day he had saved

Or perhaps cursed

The fire queen

Sensation

Of traipsing the abyss.

This time

Not to pull a soul out

But to jump in

Perhaps to clarify

Achieve closure

Sear the loose ends of the tie

And inadvertedly

Break it.

He had a choice.

Both ended

In a mirage of freedom

A certain sage

Taught him

Choose which

To what he will be

A slave to.

Everyone suffers. The choice is to which.

The final lesson.

May we get what we need

And never what we deserve.

A paradox.

Rejection is acceptance.


	49. Point I

Make or break.

The bitter lesson

He learned

All those years ago

Perhaps he was thankful

It was medicine

For the hallucinations

Of truth and perfection

A blessing

And a curse.

The day he learned

Rejection is acceptance.

The same fears grappled him

But now

If he had taken the antidote

Turning him into a cynic

A queen of fire

Contorted into ice

A terrifying concept.

He took it badly

Yet now he was immunized

To the temptations

The same results

Cannot be expected

On a different subject.

Variables and factors

Produce assorted outcomes

Most of it

Devastating after-effects

He was a testament to it.

He refuses to run.

He who runs from his troubles

Will meet it down the next corner.

Here he was again

In the presence

Of a certain sage

With the same emerald eyes

Of a younger woman

And if he had gotten used to

Icy glares of a certain clan

Those two green orbs

Were a hundred-fold as piercing

As the darkest black ice.

Yet amidst that

This woman

She was not as cold

Nor as intimidating

But certainly

A respectable individual

Subtle hints of a mastermind

Top of the pyramid

The aristocrat

To topple all the other aristocrats.

"A fine evening, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose it is."

It was not him

To seek advice

A proud loner must be independent

But in the company

Fellow outcasts

He may find support.

However

The sage and cynic

Are not equals.

One rose up from the dirt

To challenge destiny

But the other

Fell from low

To lower.

Behind the cold stone façade

Just another weak boy

A sharp contrast

Beside him

A true Queen

She who has surpassed all.

"Miyako-sama. Do you regret?"

She rubbed her dark gloves

A faint smile

Evident on her thin lips.

"Regret?"

Both of them quietly viewed

Blue scenery

Illuminated by lamp-posts

Strings of lights

Watching people go by.

"Not anymore. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would not change a thing."

"You would not try to build a closer family?"

"Family is as close as people can get. The concept of loving by blood is perhaps the most conceited of all relationships. Nevertheless, love your family."

"The question is still unanswered."

Dark green met dead black

But there was no friction

Between the two.

"I tried. But we do not always get what we want, do we? It is enough to have the essentials. You can work and suffer for as long, and still not obtain your goals."

"Atleast it gives you consolation for your efforts."

"Indeed. Essential is to see that in the end, it all worked out."

Moment of standstill

Time to let the words sink in

Like a stone to a pond

The mind absorbs wisdom.

"Business or family?"

She lightly shook her head.

"Never mix both."

"I do not understand. Why do you value your works more than family?"

"I never valued anything more than I do with family. Hikigaya-san. If you had suffered blood, sweat and tears to achieve your goals, will you simply forfeit them in exchange for something you already have?"

"Family is worth more than everything."

"It is. That is why you do not mix business with it. That is a lesson I have learned the hard way. That is why I cannot and will not return."

Golden skies

Cool wind

Whistling through

Red coat and black

Two silhouettes

Peculiar.

"What is the right choice?"

"There is no right or wrong, per se. Society molds morality according to it's interests. Pick a choice, do not regret it."

Right or wrong?

Who decided which is which?

Throughout history

Men dictated what is

What is not

Crab mentality

Majority

Override

Rationality

With regards to morality

Even cynicism

Must draw on

Optimism.

"That Saturday night. Why do they know Miura-san?"

Draping a leg over the other

In pensive silence

The sage crossed her arms.

"For a moment, I thought you were Saito-kun. Yes, the Miura family was a rival to the Yukinoshita and Hayama. Was."

Emphasis on the last word

Trace of bitterness

Her jade eyes

Sharp.

"I would expect Saito-san, as your son, to be there."

"Well. My son hates me alright."

If it was laughter

At a grim fact

Or to blunt

Agonizing truth

He could not tell.


	50. Point II

Certainly none of his business

Family matters

Private affairs

Best not broached.

"Biting the hand that feeds you."

"A dog does not bite unless provoked."

"It was because of business, that you and your son had a falling out."

"Success demands sacrifice."

"Touché."

"You are just like him. I think that your conduct is quite ruthless, that is why your friends cannot stand you."

He raised an eyebrow

Daring statement.

"I always see you walk alone. And Yumi-chan is perhaps the only one who is patient enough to keep you company."

"Patient indeed. Few understand the necessity of cold logic over hypocritic morals."

"Maybe you have succeeded in brainwashing my granddaughter."

"Oh no. She may have learned a thing or two from me, but puppeting her is nigh impossible."

"Always the free bird, isn't she?"

"Flying higher."

"Perhaps too close to the sun."

Indeed.

If the proverbial wings

Ambitions

Of wax and feather

Too high and too close

Eventually

Downfall.

"I am getting old. I have played this game of monopoly for far too long. My fortune hangs by a string while the jackals wait for the meat to drop dead."

"All things come to an end. If you had cherished family over money and fame, perhaps it will end differently."

"If. You were my heir."

"That is a big if."

He was swift to the cut.

"Of course. What fool hands over her masterpiece to some random man? I may as well scatter it."

Both of them

Sharing uneasy laughter

Over delicate matters.

"If I were you, I'd hide it away. At least nobody can take advantage."

"How rotten, Hikigaya-san."

"On second thought, probably give it to charity, a portion to family."

"But no doubt. Your logics and emphasis on efficiency makes a good businessman out of you."

"That is one of the last things I'd prefer to get myself into."

"Consider the alternative, better to be the master than the servant."

Such is life.

To be equal

Cannot be fair

And to be fair

Cannot be equal.

Not all can be blessed

Plenty must suffer

An expense

While the aristocrats

Top of the ladder

Bask in glory and wealth

Bought with blood

Sweat and tears

Kill or be killed

Natural selection.

Nature is a bitch.

Back step

On the trail

The motives behind

Every choice

Will profit one

And rob another.

The very existence of a person

Brings both joy

And pain

Regardless of your actions

You will always hurt someone

And make another happy.

Now

Which way

Is the most profitable of all?

One

Two souls tied

Mutual gain and loss

Joint suffering

The other

Possibly a chance

For better or worse

Both parties

Benefit or lose.

A gamble.

But it is not about profit.

Is it?

"Yumiko-chan fell in love with you."

His body seized up

Frozen stiff

Craning his head to the side

Beneath a scarlet hat

Deep green eyes

Mischievious smile.

A fatal statement.

Lethal truth.

"How did you know?"

"You just confirmed it."

Clever woman.

Cunning

On par

With a certain devil

Possibly sharper

Than a certain ice queen

Yet a predecessor

To a certain fire woman.

"Besides. By simple deduction, if Haruno-san is not your love interest, it was an easy guess. Seeing my dear Yumi-chan happy around you... quite the telltale signs, isn't it?"

"You had me checked there."

"You got way more than what you have bargained for."

He took a deep breath.

The wind was icy

Cold frost

Wafting from his lips.

"I do not want to destroy the relationship between us."

"I see. You have worked hard to build a fine friendship with her. You cannot simply forfeit it for something so ephemeral."

"I cannot say who is more selfish between us. She, who wants more. Or me, who wishes to keep things as it is."

A sudden epiphany

He became the very person

He had so despised.

A masked prince.

He who insists

On consistency

Like stagnant water

Brewing monotony

The fire

Indeed

It burns

But he refuses to stoke it.

His heart sank

Blood ran cold

Tongue felt dry

Saliva was like poison

And he wanted to vomit.

Had the vile creature

He so scorned

Like a serpent

Bitten him?

Slow-induced venom.

He wanted something genuine.

Now.

He wanted nothing to change.

He had become a hypocrite.


	51. Point III

A certain blonde prince

Plagued his mind

Haunting him

Like a shadow

If the cynic

Stare closer at a mirror

He began to see

The monster

Masked

Reflection

Mirage

Illusion.

Do not forget.

When fighting monsters

Do not become one.

All this time

Aimless chase

For genuine

Something worthwhile

Real.

Fail to see

He had become

The creature he hated

A creature

Of stagnancy

Mirrors and clones

A monotone painting

Ever so constant

Unchanging.

By pressing for a mere friendship

He was hindering

Natural progression

Refusing to allow

The flower

To bloom.

If he does not allow

The rose to bloom

It will die.

"Hikigaya-san. Are you alright?"

A warm hand on his shoulder

Pulled him out of a void

Bring him back

To his senses.

"Y-yeah."

"Yumiko-chan is a nice girl."

He swallowed

Guts twisted

His skin crawled

At the ominous words.

"That is why you must be compassionate with her."

"But how? I-I can't..."

His eyelids shut tight

A tear squeezed out

He was on breaking point

But not from grief or panic

Instead

Stricken with fear.

An idiotic saying

The sky is falling down.

Now, he may have an idea.

The sensation

Of hell about to break loose

Chaos bound to explode

Sky falling down.

"Such is youth. Puppy love. Sugarcoated words translating to drunk desires and wanton delights."

With a gloved hand

The sage took off

Her iconic red hat

Allowing thin gray locks

As if an elder angel

Swaying to the wind.

"Romanticism. A poetry of love, lust and sex. And like a poem, ending with a period."

Either this woman

Poking at him

Goading him to fall into the abyss

Or guiding him

Through a treacherous path.

"Hikigaya-san. As you said, all things come to an end. It could end differently. Yumi-chan is a foolish girl, that I must admit. Friendships last longer than romantic relationships. Unless you intend to marry her, it will inevitably fall apart."

"I can't tell if that is consolation or provocation."

She giggled

But not in mockery.

"I know you love her too. Perhaps it is still not apparent that you need her as well, but in the end you must decide."

"To forfeit this friendship we have built so far?"

"Do you now understand why I cannot simply abandon my works?"

Once again, the cynic was in check.

"You worked hard, made sacrifices. Now, you must choose whether to keep what you have or go all in. Either way, you will lose some, gain some."

"This is not a game."

"Of course not. That is what makes it so exhilarating."

He inwardly grimaced

Perhaps this woman

Another sadist

Spectator

Of a bloody gladiator fight.

"Don't get me wrong. It is certainly no fun, especially for you. To think, a cynic such as you. Caught in the same trap the people you gawked at fell victim to. Ironic, is it not?"

"Very. I am not having a good time."

"You said it yourself. We always have a choice."

"What should I choose?"

From a nonchalant visage

Morphed

Into one of disgust

Jade green eyes

Bore holes behind his head.

"How pathetic. Hikigaya-san. Asking for advice is one thing. Asking for a course of action is another. One step lower from your poor standing."

She shook her head

Definitely mocking him

A condescending smirk on her lips

While he was stunned

Struck square

The words hit home

Sharp woman.

"F-fine. Sorry. That was my blunder."

"Do not be sorry. Be better."

Once again

A sweet smile

Yet he cannot tell

Difference.

From a razor sharp critic

To a motherly figure

Peculiar woman.

"There is no right or wrong choice on this one. However..."

He listened intently

A student

To a sensei

Albeit machiavellian

Promising wisdom.

"Whichever choice it is, be sure not to regret it."

"Do not regret..."

He lurked on the words

Like a hunter on a bog

Once again

In a swamp of lies

Fog of presumptions

Perhaps now

Truth was on sight.

Take the shot.

"Although I wouldn't mind having a great-grandson."

"What do you mean by that?"

It was a menacing tone

Filled with suspicious backdrops.

"It means exactly as it is."

She stood up

So did he

Part ways

Wave away

Silver hair and red coat

Memorable contrasts

Of a certain sage.

"Have a good evening, child."


	52. Lucency I

Pristine dawn

A new day

One clearer

Than yesterday

Specks of dust

Like stars

Under golden sunlight

When she opened her eyes

A moment

Of clarity.

Collective instances

Stacking to a conclusion

A perilous trek

Journey towards a goal

The path to happiness

Long

Winding.

Final closure

Answers

Satisfy

Her desires.

There was

A certain spring

To each step

A skip

In high spirits

Like a bird

Spread the wings

Ready

Fly.

A silhouette

Closer inspection

Revealing a face

However dark

Brightens her up.

"Morning, Hachi."

"Good morning, Yumiko."

It was pleasant

Finally

A smile

Albeit a faint one

She can rest assured

It belonged to her.

Her hand found way

Intertwining with his

Beneath the woolen gloves

Warmth

Comfort.

"You seem particularly cheerful today. Won the lottery or something?"

She simply giggled a response.

In fact

Perhaps

She may have won

Something bigger

Than material wealth.

"Hachiman. Let's meet on that bridge, this evening."

"Yeah, sure. You wanna go get dinner afterwards?"

"Quite generous now, aren't you?"

"Of course."

On the other hand

The cynic

Without a gambit

Nor a plan

But knowing

What was about to unfold

He simply concluded.

Cross the bridge when you get there.

Whatever will his decision be

It will be one

He would not regret.

Beside him

Like a candle

Burning gallantly

Against the cold wind

The fire Queen

Strode in blithe.

Two individuals

Brandishing a flaw

A cynic

An optimist

Obnoxious mix

Oil and water

He was greased with negativity

Complemented

By the positivity

Of a blonde flame

Brought together

Stroke of fate

Unbelievable.

Now, they would have to believe.

The pessimist

Refuse

Believing by faith

Such preposterousness

Insisting on logic and facts

Solid foundation

For a feasible dogma.

The other

Fooled and tricked

More than thrice

Yet still persistent

A relentless fire

Bent on finding

Beneath the ash and dust

Something worthwhile.

Numerous gazes

Marveling at the sight

Two figures

Truly a strange combination

Only existing

In the realm

Of deluded fantasies.

Truth so unbelievable

They began to believe it.

"Hikki! Yumiko-chan! It's great to see you two back!"

One gave a sheepish

Half-assed smile

The other

Looked as if

She who had struck jackpot.

Scent of sweet fruit

Drawing closer

Soft elbow to the side

Peach eyes caught dead ones.

"It seems you did sort it all out after all. What's the secret?"

"There is no secret."

"Oh Hachi... is there?"

With a provocative tone

The blonde chimed in

A sly grin

Green eyes

Eliciting mischief.

"E-eh? Hikkimo!"

"Oi. Don't just jump into conclusions."

"Hachio... you're still holding me."

The sweet airhead

Red with annoyance

Unleashed

Barrage of punches

While a certain actress

Enjoyed the show

To his expense.

"Oof- I concede. Shoo now, leave me in peace."

"Hmph! Hikki!"

Akin to a foxy kouhai

One was blessed

With hypnotizing cuteness

The other

Charming beauty

Laced with devilry

Reminiscent

Of a certain temptress.

"Still... thank you for taking care of Yumiko-chan for me."

"She's not sick."

"Idiot!"

"Welcome."

"Really. It means alot to me. She's very happy to have you."

"I get that alot."

"Mou, Hikki! Quit being so condescending!"

He simply sank down to his seat

A peculiar feeling

Of serenity.

"Yui. Thank you too. For being her friend."

Sooner or later

He would have to revise

His cynical thesis

Ruthless criticism

On youth.

Being nice?

It seems

Nice.

The pleasurable things in life

All are either

Unlawful

Immoral

Or fattening.

But maybe not.

He was crushed once

A shattered heart

Sharpened mind.

Toppling the walls

No easy feat

Tantamount

Disabling defenses

Vulnerable

Open to devastating assault

It was a perilous gamble

For a shot

At happiness.

The first step

To failure

Is trying.

Yet the first step

To success

Is doing.

He must not try again.

He must do it again.

Perhaps

His faux pas

Was keeping a knife

Close to heart

Unwillingness.

Perhaps

Put more trust

A foolish girl

But one

He had known

Quite well.

She was happy to have him.

No doubt.

He was happy to have her too.

Genuine may be for the few

But perhaps

Happiness is for all.


	53. Lucency II

Time flow

Constant stream

Neither swift

Nor slow.

If one sat still

For a moment

Become one

Omnipresence

He could

Hear

See

Feel.

Glancing to the side

See her smile

Surrounded

Friends.

It was consolation

To a certain degree

Knowledge

He was one

Who can make her

Complete.

Soon

It would be time

To break the jar

Containing the flower

See

How

The relationship

The rose

Blooms.

There cannot be perfection.

You will be hurt

Countless times

Built up

Broken down

Endless cycle

Pointless perhaps

Inherent meaning

There is none

If so

He would have to

Construct

His own vocabulary

The meaning

Of genuine.

A flower

Must endure

A couple of caterpillars

Destroy several petals

In order to see

Beautiful

Butterflies.

Heat and wind

Season change

The only constant

Change.

No room for complacency

In a dynamic world.

Several years ago

Could he face

Himself

The pessimist

In its rawest form

Acerbic and spiteful

Rotten cynic

A mordant critic

Of youth

Knock some sense

Into his skull

Cry

Tears

Of mockery

See

How the self-proclaimed

King of loners

Now a hypocrite

Subject

To a stereotype

Despicable character.

Yet

Through

Time

Effort

Interaction

From the shell

Reappear

Not a cynic

Nor a loner

Just a man

With the help

Of a loving girl

She pulled him out

From his own abyss.

Courtesy of a certain fire queen.

The sky stretched high

A blank canvas

Steadily painted

Colors

Peach and purple

Sun set

The ending pages

Of another day

A storybook.

Deep blue skies

Reminded her

The favorite hue

Of a gray person.

His hair

Matted and black

Poor compared

A contrast

To a certain blonde

Yet

Under dusk light

Fine.

Dead were his eyes

Yet to each dark cloud

A silver lining

If one would look closer

Deep meanings

Under the rotten façade

Soft heart

Understanding

Mind.

Superficial vision

Dictate such appearance

A gruesome caricature

Of a broken person

We fail to understand

What broke them

In the first place.

She understood

And saw beauty

Under the dust

A humble face

Endearing.

She who is in love

Sees beauty

Everywhere.

Too often

We fail to see

Beyond the mask

Superficial sight

Give birth

Superficial assumption

Judgement of a book

By the cover

And to some extent

By the price tag.

True value

Is not dictated by numbers

Otherwise

Human emotion

Is simply a mathematical formulae

Calculable

Eradicating the flaws

Allowing for perfection

In an imperfect system

A dystopian society

Nullifying

The value

Of being human.

Noise was music

Each step

A dance

Sensation

Unlike any before

Infatuation

Makes the heart glide

But love?

She felt she could fly.

In a moment

All her fears

Whisked away

Traipsing the edge

She allowed

Herself

Fall.

She knew

Assured

Trust

He will

Catch her

And for once

If before

He was merely the net

Catch a fragile crystal

Now

He will be the one

To save her.

She stumbled over a prince.

He helped her up.

She fell for a cynic.

Together.

They stood up.


	54. Lucency III

The temptation

Desire

Break into a run

Her feet carried her

Lightly

Patient

Yet impatient

Rooting for the sweet prize

Three words

Acceptance.

Her blonde hair

Floated behind her

Combed by the icy wind

Yet a warm feeling

Inside her

It did not matter

She would not be cold

Anymore.

Leafless trees

Rustled quietly

Dull grass

Stone paths

Serenity

Like glass

Shattered in an instant

By an insulting sight

For in the distance

Two silhouettes

Provoked her.

She clenched her fists

Brows furrowing

Scorn apparent

By the second.

Closer

Each step

Progressively heavier

Like a dam

Scorn and spite

Pool rapidly

Only her newfound tact

Prevented an outburst.

It was a sight

She had expected

Visualized

Yet to see it

In flesh

Truly despicable.

Break into a dash

A battering ram

Crashing right into him.

He tumbled onto the pathway.

"Agh... what the hell-"

"You. Son of a bitch."

She was furious

Confused blue eyes

Met fiery green ones

Immediately contorting

Into one

Of apparent indignation.

Meanwhile

To the sideline

A certain ice queen

She knew too well

Crossing her arms

Glaring at the two.

"What is the meaning of this?"

Her voice was cold

Trace of shock

In response

She mordantly smiled.

"Oh. Hi there Yukino-chan."

"Hayato, please explain what is with this aggresive woman."

The blonde man stared blankly

As if without a clue

He stood up.

"Did he not tell you? My, my."

"I do not remember asking you a question."

Ice blue matched fire green

Refusing to back down

She stood tall

Giggling mischieviously.

"I'll be so kind to tell you that your dear Hayato-kun was cheating on you with me."

"Liar! You just want to get even!"

In an unusual display

Behind the mask

Anger.

He turned to his princess.

"Yukino, I never cheated on you. I never loved her, nor anyone else but you."

Those words

Like a needle

Pricking her heart

Yet

Pain

Simply doubt

Leaving the body.

"And how do I know you are telling the truth."

"Why would I lie to you? She's just being a bitch. Why should you believe her?"

"That is exactly why I believe her."

The two blondes

Shocked by the sudden outburst

The ice broke

Razor sharp pieces

Frozen

With drops of tears.

In a swift movement

Her hand

Like a cold knife

Struck his cheek

He winced.

She struck her as well.

The ice queen vanished in a blur.

The prince

Red lines

And tears

Looking down

This is what

A freshly crushed soul

Looks like.

Each step

He shuffled forward

It appears

He may collapse

Any moment now.

Looking back

A visage

Apathetic

Not a trace of anger

Nor grief

Simply

Emotionless.

On the other hand

Regardless

A searing pain

On her cheek

It was a small price to pay

For payback.

Yet

Her triumph

Cut short

By the sight

In front of him

Finally

Sincere tears

From the insincere

Unmasked prince.

"Why did you lie?"

No answer.

"Yumiko. I don't love you."

She flinched.

"Why can't you learn how to accept?"

A step backward.

"You want it all."

She was beginning to break.

"You are a horrible person."

Is she?

"You are just like Hikigaya-kun."

She ran.

Faster.

Tears

Drip

Away

Farther

Always prideful

Arrogant

Refusing to concede

Wounded wolf

Persistent to bite back

A flame

Against a storm.

Indeed.

Perhaps

She may be

Just

As horrible

As the cynic.

Even worse.

It was an inflated truth.

He never loved her.

She knew.

Lucency

She saw clearly

The prince

Never loved her

Truthful revelation

Sincerely

He loved

Yukinoshita Yukino.

Accepted.

Yet she will not go down

Without a fight.

Old habits die hard.

A blazing inferno

Takes the whole forest

Down with her

Die

Leaving destruction

Dust.

Indeed.

Revenge

A sweet dessert

Best served cold

Laced with poison

Self-destructive

Lethal.

Eye for an eye blinds all.

What is the price

Vengeance?

Forgiving

A difficult proposition

Unacceptable compromise

Simply a ruse

A lie.

She cried

Ran

Heart sank

Rapidly

Drowning

In grief

Regret.

She needed to reach him.

She needed him.

She did not deserve him

He who had genuinely loved her

Oblivious

To her own flaw

Avarice.

Greed

To have all.

Hoping

The cynic

Will understand

Accept

The covetous queen.

That is,

Miura Yumiko.


	55. Checkmate I

Ego.

Plague

All men

No cure

Nor antidote

The ultimate

Cancer

Of the soul

Mortality rate

Hundred percent.

Resolve

Like center of gravity

Narrower

The higher

The center

Of mass.

She who sits

Atop

A tall stool

Falls

The impact

Proportional

To height.

Fools

Can fool

All.

Doubt

Amplify

Effect

With a simple statement

Exaggerated truth

As if a cliché

She

Know better

Yet

Succumb

To the trap.

The ice queen was tricked.

Her greatest weakness

Is perfection.

Or so

The desire

For it.

Thus

A shallow statement

Needle prick

Small fracture

Broke the ice

Easily.

Drop of prince Rupert

An elegant crystal

Strong

But

With a weak point.

Brittle.

A certain fire queen

Unveiled

Emerald green eyes

The color

Of elegance

Beauty

Arrogance

Courage

But most of all

Of greed.

Because behind the mask

Every man

Darker

Than his shadow.

Fire

However mesmerizing

Will always

Consume

All

It touches.

A prince

Unmasked

The façade

Shattered

Closure

With a collapse.

Only then

He realized

If only

If.

Love

Demand sacrifice

He has made none

None worthy

Nor impactful

It is not

Enough.

The swift destruction

Of a slow and tedious

Construction

Relationship

Between him

And her

A testimony

It was false

An ersatz

Of genuine.

It was simply glass

Mistaken

For a diamond.

In another light

In a game

A certain devil

Found her match

Everytime

He was difficult

To catch

A sparrow

Unwilling

Succumb

To her clutches.

Entertainment

A chess match

Between

Cynic

Devil.

She had pinned him

More than thrice

In check

Yet

In an astounding move

A counter

The greatest rival

Is one

That learns

Adapt

Evolve.

Tables turn

The deck

Reshuffled

He who was no match

Matched her

And for the first time

She was checked.

Zugzwang

Force her

Move

To his

Advantage.

Certainly

She had not yet

Subdued

The underdog

He refused

To be her

Pet.

That single move

A kiss

Burned through her

Arousing

Buried desires

Now dug up

By the cynic.

Serve to provoke

Insidious desire

Within her.

Each passing day

By the hour

Like a weed

Creeping

Enveloping

Mind and heart

Now

Host

A deadly parasite

Far more sinister

Dark side.

Envy.

She possessed it all

Beauty

Intelligence

Wealth

Skill

Polished reputation

High respect

What more?

There is always more.

Perfection?

A preposterous saying

Without love

You have nothing.

Flaws.

For a cynic

Posession of wealth

Enough

Money will buy

Necessities to live

And soon enough

You will be chasing love off

With a stick.

Life is free.

Living is expensive.

The devil

Desires

What she does not posess

Especially

What others posess.

She will have it.

She will

Have him.

Greed

Demand

More than what one has.

Envy

Desire

What others have.

Insidious.

To each their own.

Flawed.

Yukinoshita Haruno.


	56. Checkmate II

Beams of light

Orange dusk

Against the glass

Tall skyscrapers

A mirror

Reflect

Sift through streets

Fine evening.

There

She saw him

The figure

Dictated by her heart

The target.

Silhouette

Of dark blue coat

The mellow sunset

Drew his outline

In a soft glow.

Each step

Bringing her closer

A standoff

Between the two

Only metres away

Wind rustle

Salt air

From distant sea

Over the horizon

Sun set.

"Hello, Hikigaya-kun."

When he turned to her

Nonchalant

As if

He had foretold

His predicament.

A smile

Cryptic

And he looked away.

"Good evening, Haruno."

Side by side

They stood

Mere inches

Looking out

Down over

A fine view.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting."

The shallow stream

Patiently flowed

Like all things

Back to a single source

For it

The sea.

"You know, we are always waiting."

He simply nodded.

"Patience is a virtue."

"But I can't wait any longer."

As the moments

Pass by

An inch

Closer

Now

Beside each other.

"Like I said, it is a virtue."

"Are you not tired?"

"Very. I am simply used to it."

"You don't have to be."

Slightly

He rubbed his hands together.

She reached out

Hold him.

"Your hands are cold."

"I suppose so."

"I can give you warmth."

"Perhaps."

Closer.

The bay

A glimmering line

As the sun

Sank.

"People who are flawless. Quite dull."

"Imperfections do not make you any more valuable."

"Does it?"

To the cynic

A crooked sword

Imperfect

Unique.

Unique does not mean useful.

"Yukino-chan. She is such a nice little girl."

"I don't think so."

"Look closer. Beneath the fine façade, all is mildewed. She is simply the kind of girl you would find anyplace else."

"How do you say so?"

She smiled sweetly.

Nigh unreadable

Only the presumption

It cannot be sincere.

"She is a shadow of me."

Inwardly

He winced

It was

Cold facts.

The great

Focus on success

While the mediocre

Focus on the great.

The so called

Ice queen

Long ago

He had proclaimed

A mere mimic

Pathetic imitation

Of greatness.

She who pursues

Idealized

Portrait of honor

Success

Perfection

Fail to notice

Her own value.

A midget

Trudging on the footsteps

Of a giant.

Sometimes

Start your own

New path

Even if

Haphazard

Leading to nowhere.

Source: me.

Poor is she

Who idolize

Blinded by desire

Voracious appetite

To surpass

Her superior.

A copy will never be as good as the original.

He had admired the ice queen.

Yet

His faux

Was imposing

Personal expectation

Treacherous faith

A preconceived portrait

That she

Was perfect.

Or close to it.

Admiration is the first step to disappointment.

She will never surpass the devil.

Not now

Yet.

"Unfortunately. She looks up to you."

"Isn't that cute?"

"Soon, she will realize that she cannot be as good as you."

Her cheeks blushed

Rosy eyes

Gazing at him

Stunned.

"She will be better. Than you."

Sardonically, she smirked.

"She can try."

"That she will. Not try. Will."

"Hachiman. Am I not good enough for you?"

"Why do you say so?"

His face

Drew closer to hers

She felt his heat

Faint

Radiant.

"Perhaps you thought that. Because you are aware you are not good enough."

With a delicate finger

She tugged at his scarf

Pulling him

Ever so closer

Close combat

A mind game

War.

"I was never aware of such. Because I am always good enough."

"Enough. Is not enough. I like your confidence."

"I like you too."

A faint shade of red

Hint on his cheek

The score

Slowly

Even out

Two

Four.

"That is as far as you can get."

"I'll go the extra mile."

"I'll go twice that. Just to keep you away."

"Ara... Hikigaya-kun."

Nothing motivates

As much as

Self-interest.

"I will not stop. Until I have you."

Love is warfare

Waging battles

Each encounter

No room

For defeat.

But this is no love.

Simply.

War.


	57. Checkmate III

It was only for a moment

Yet

Time stretched

Hours

Sparks fly

Stare into each other

A move away.

"You cannot have everything you want."

"I only want everything. That is, you."

"Get what you need. Never what you deserve."

"I need you."

"This is simply infatuation."

"It's not."

Her beautiful face

In an instant

Soft

Yet

Emotionless

Perhaps

Unmasked.

"Without you... I have no color."

He simped in sarcasm.

The cynic within him

If he could replay

This moment

On television

Burst into peals of laughter

Such lies

Such youth.

Always the same line.

"Gray is a color."

"Your color."

"You and I. This is an ephemeral desire. Think alcohol. Hangover is inbound."

"I will never get over you."

That is what everyone else said.

"I am not like everyone else."

"Woman. That is what everyone else said."

He sneered with acerb

Thinly hiding

Mocking giggle

As her cheeks reddened.

"Ne, Hachiman... What about her?"

"Who?"

Her peach-colored eyes

Subtle hint

Like a wine glass

Slowly filled

With malice

Faint traces

Vinaceous.

"What is so... special with her?"

And he knew who.

"She is exactly the kind of simpleton you will find at every bar. Why do you cherish her so much?"

"Unlike you."

"Careful there."

A lethal undertone

Laced with scorn

Venomous serpent.

"You don't know her. Not as well as you think."

"We all don't know everyone as well as we thought we do."

"Do you not want to know me better?"

"Too deep, and you will drown."

"Too shallow and you'll never know how to swim."

"That's what everyone thought as well. But there is more to her than meets the eye."

"Ara... ara... you sure know Miura-chan well."

Her gaze was menacing

A small smile

Certainly dripping

With spite

And envy.

"I told you. She is a close friend."

She moved closer

Brushing against him

Wrapping her arms

On his.

"Only a friend."

It was not a question

Or so he thought.

"Maybe. Maybe not."

She smiled

It was one

That did not reach the eyes.

"When this game is over..."

Her hands slowly slithered

Closer to his throat.

"And I have beaten you.

You will be mine."

Yet he refused to back out.

Closer

Their bodies

Lightly touched

She inched back

As if an invisible cushion

Between them

Soon

Finding herself

Against the railing

Leaning away from him.

"Oh?"

Her face was heating up

The sensation

She so craved

Once more

Felt.

"What's the matter?"

With a finger

He angled her face

Straight at himself

She was pinned

In check

Her reactions betrayed her

Deep shade of crimson

A white flag

Signalling her surrender.

"...isn't this what you wanted?"

A shiver

Not of fear

Nor anxiety

But pure ecstasy

As his hand

Like a feather

Against her rosy cheeks.

"You see here... I do not intend to lose."

His lips were inches away

Moist

Enticing

Dead black eyes

Locking her into a trap.

"Not now. Especially to you."

She managed a soft murmur.

"Shall we... continue... where we left off."

"Another day. Another night."

"I told you... I am impatient."

He was almost caught

Point blank range

Her arms wrapped around him

A noose

Nearly hanging him

Terrible end

Saved by wits

Her lips

Grazed his

Corners.

"You know... you are quite gullible."

"A fool, just for you."

He shook his head lightly

Slightly

Amused.

"This is all I am to you. Entertainment."

"Not... true..."

"Like you said... just a game."

"If so..."

A faint smile on her pink lips

Her eyes

Laced with desire

Looking away from him

That sinister smirk

Insidiously spread.

"Checkmate."

He tilted his head at the remark.

If he had turned for a bit

By the corner of a street

A blur

Left a small wet patch

On the concrete path

Perhaps

By a figment of imagination

A glimpse

Of blonde?

Slowly

But surely

Horrifying realization

Meaning.

A diversion.

Fall into a trap.

Led to believe

He was winning

On the contrary.

Checkmate.


	58. Shatter I

There

He stood

Paralyzed

In shock

Horror

Fear?

What is there to fear?

It cannot be.

His chest was heavy

Cold air

Like a pungent gas

Traces of smoke

Suffocating

Limbs weaker

Mind

Hurt.

All the while

Rosy eyes

Of an insidious woman

Sadistically

Faint

Lethal smile

She stared at him.

"It's over. Hachiman."

His lips refused to move.

Yet

He found

Strength

Courage

To look back

Stare at death

In the eye.

"No..."

His gambit had failed him.

"Not..."

He was checked.

"Not yet."

He lost the battle.

"Mmm... Hikigaya-kun... I like your resolve."

But not the war.

A gruesome epiphany

Realize

It was not

Coincidence.

The devil

Had caught him

Wage the battle

On the battlefield

Of her choosing.

She knew.

She knew

He was waiting

For her.

With that knowledge

A trap was set

Flanking maneuver

Stall him

Timed attack

Struck the cynic

At the opportune

Inopportune

Moment.

What can go wrong

Will go wrong.

And at the worst possible moment.

All this time

He was misled

Diversion

Yet

He was on the advance

Albeit

Wrong time.

Break off.

"She will not be broken that easily."

"You don't say?"

A dangerous grin formed on her lips.

"Miura-chan is quite the tough nut to crack."

"It's obvious. Pinning me in a dangerous position, and at the wrong time. It is too much of a cliché, Yumiko won't buy it."

"My my... oh, but her tears says otherwise."

His heart stung at the remark.

"What do you infer, a girl crying after seeing her beloved with a beautiful woman?"

Indeed, it was too much of a cliché.

Wrong place

Time

Prelude

Volatile reaction

Destruction.

He will not allow it.

"We're even now, Hikigaya-kun."

A sweet sing-song voice

Laced

Sinister backdrops.

"This is not a game anymore."

Her gaze became menacing.

"You're right. That is what makes it so... entertaining."

An image

Of a certain sage

Flashed in his mind.

"I'll see you around, Hiki-gaya-kun."

With that

She slipped away.

The cynic

Left to himself

Once more

Alone.

Leaning on the railing

Deep in thought

With a small frown

On his face.

Frustration.

Yet still

Resolve

Unbroken.

The devil had struck again.

Had it been different

Without witness

He could have won

Broke her façade.

Crush her resolve

Once and for all

Reveal

He

Never

And will

Love her.

Alas

It was a risky gamble

His tactics

Double edged

Now foiled

Pierced

The wrong

Heart.

Such tricks

Cannot simply

Break

An arrogant

Strong-willed

And with the careful tutelage

Of an ardent cynic

Wiser

Queen of fire.

He was relying

Not only

On his

But also

On her resolve.

Yet

There is always

Chance.

A calculable possibility

No matter how small

Difference

Of success

Or ruin.

She would not cry.

In the unlikely event

Such as what had just transpired

A blazing persona

Expected

To crash right into the scene.

But no.

Tears.

An ominous sign.

Only a chain of unfortune

Enough to incite

A weak reaction.

It will not be enough

To destroy

A close friendship.

But a delicate step to romanticism?

He had been warned.

During the transition

To a higher

Intimate relationship

A weak point

Vulnerable

To deadly intervention.

The walls are weakest

When the gates

Are open.

But for a certain machiavellian

It was merely

Zugzwang

Force a reaction

To her advantage.

It was not meant to break.

Only to provoke.

It was not her

Who will move

To seize victory.

It was him

Who will bring

About his own defeat.

One cannot

Secure victory.

Only can he

Secure himself

From defeat.


	59. Shatter II

Once more

Like a time bomb

Ticking

He had inevitably triggered

Primed

Unstoppable

Slowly

Surely

Zero.

Tomorrow

Judgement day.

But he will not run.

Defuse

If need be

Throw himself

On the mine.

When the sun rises

His world

Will still stand.

His friend

Will still be there.

And perhaps

It could be

Cynicism be damned

A happy ending.

In another light

Darkness of the room

From under the covers

Sniffling sounds

Break the silence.

A mess of hair and tears.

Tears

Like rivers

Burst their banks

Flow and flood

The expression

Cry her heart out.

Indeed

She cried her heart out.

Two horrible events

Back to back

Will always break

The weak.

One day.

One bad day.

That is how far

Into the abyss

She had fallen.

All it takes

A single card

To topple the whole house.

Her arms

Weakly wrapped

Around a crumpled pillow

The only solace

To fill her

Stave off

The dreadful

Emptiness

Fear.

Sorry.

I am so sorry.

I was selfish

Ignorant

A fool

Tricked countless times

Blindly following

A path

Leading to nowhere

Leading to nothing

And now

The edge is near

End is nigh

There will be no one

To catch me

Save me.

What can sorry do?

What can crying do?

Nothing.

It was her fault.

Did she deserve it?

By vengeance

Her hunger was satisfied

But at what cost?

Faces

Now she feared

They haunted her

Ice cold queen

Blonde prince

The devil herself.

But most of all

Him.

The cynical dead-fish eyed man.

The only man who truly loved her.

His words

A distant echo

Lessons

She had failed

To learn.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

She was fooled for the fourth time.

Whose fault was it?

In the words of the cynic

It was on your own liability.

To move forward, you must learn.

She had not learned

Has she?

Those who cannot learn.

Die.

She withered

At the word

Her tears

Without end

Her voice

Ragged

Her heart

Broken

Dead?

Not yet.

He will criticize her

A foolish and clumsy girl

But afterwards

He will always love her.

Always teaching

The moral

Of each story

The cynic

And the silly girl.

You love someone you need.

Not want.

Someone with true colors.

Not some pretty boy in a mask.

His words rang true.

I wish

If only

He could be mine

A selfish desire

But

I need him.

Regret.

Please.

One more chance.

Save her heart

From shattering

Irrevocable

Death.

To see his smile

Feel his hands

Hold him

Kiss him

Love

Him.

Reminisce

His soothing voice

From his lips

A song

Consolation

It was her

Only her

He would sing it to.

Put her head

On his shoulder,

Hold her in his arms

Put his lips next to hers,

A kiss goodnight

Maybe,

You and I will fall in love.


	60. Shatter III

Reckoning

Drawing closer

Clock hand

Pointing each hour

Minute

Seconds

Before zero.

Consequence

Of stepping up

A relationship

From a solid footing

To thin ice.

Ticking

Hopefully

It does not

Blow up

Right in his face.

Sun refused to shine

Every cloud

Dark

No silver lining

Icy breeze

Cold drizzle

Like tears

Rain

A knife

To his cheek.

Sliding open the door

Reveal

A regular sight

Nothing out of ordinary

Or so it seems.

His gaze

Immediately search

For the blonde

In question

Good.

Surrounded by her clique

The chatty airhead

Two rooks

A fujoshi and a fool

Even the masked prince

Proudly donning

His preposterous façade.

Nothing

Happened.

Center of attention

The queen

On her throne

Green eyes met dead

And she smiled

Sweetly.

A contagious gesture

Forcing him

To smile back.

Little to no trace

Of underlying grudge.

However, something is off.

By the laws of cynicism

If nothing is wrong

Then

Something is wrong.

Source: me.

Skill twelve

Of the hundred and eight

The ability

To detect

Dangerous predicaments.

Everything seemed normal

But to him

Slowly

Pessimism would reveal

Dark truths.

Twelve hours

Does not erase

Yesterday's episode

And he knew well.

Her smile.

Too sweet.

The prince himself

Azure eyes

Lacking in life?

Consult the sweet airhead

From her

Answers.

"Yuigahama. Can I have a moment?"

Her peach colored eyes

Unlike of a certain woman

Softer

Yet

Contain

Traces

Trouble?

"Ah- Hikki! I-I also need to uh..."

"What is it?"

"Yukinon wouldn't talk to me this morning. She seemed... cold?"

"She's always cold."

"Hikki!"

Her brows furrowed in irritation.

"Okay, okay. Notice anything off?"

"I don't know... I guess she's quite upset today?"

The pieces of the puzzle

Insufficient

To form a vague

Picture.

However

It was clear

There is something

Going on.

"Thanks, Yui."

Her cheeks took on a rosy tinge.

"I'll sort it out."

But not all.

"H-Hikki... will you return to the club?"

He pondered the sudden query

For a moment

He was stumped.

"Why?"

"I-I mean... you seem very helpful... and I- I mean we! We would be happy to have you back."

"I'll think about it."

"What do you mean?!"

Wave her off

A sign

He needed time

To think

Decide

Only hours

Before the next

Decisive move.

Time crawled by

When the bell rang

He was nearly frightened

And walking through the door

He could feel a presence

Trailing him.

"Hachiman."

Stiffly

He craned his head

Towards the voice.

From a fiery queen

Unnaturally bright smile

Clearly

A well-veiled ruse.

"Can we talk-"

"Yes yes. Before that, I know you saw what happened yesterday. No, it's not what you think it is. I was waiting for you, then Haruno showed up."

It certainly did the trick.

For the woman in front of him

Rapidly erupted

In a fit of red

Furious.

"You fucker! Always blunt! I'll kill you!"

He chuckled.

Gripped by the collars

Back against the wall

Truly a peculiar sight

Repetitive.

"You think this is funny?"

"Atleast I know you are still you."

Beads of tears

On the corner of her eyes

In a moment

From a fire queen

To a little girl.

"I-I should have told you this... a long time ago..."

He listened intently

Unaware

Her lips

Slowly

Closer.

"Wait."

Something is wrong.

"Hachiman..."

This was not a natural occurence.

"I..."

This is a reaction.

"I love you!"

In a soft voice

Yet audible enough

Now

Garnering an audience

Pairs of eyes

Watched

Mixed reaction.

"Hold it!"

Only a swift grip to her shoulders

Stalled the move

Buy him time

To alleviate

Before

Too late.

Her teary eyes were wide in shock.

"Yumiko. Listen to me. You are not thinking clearly-"

"What are you saying!"

"Look at me. I know you fear that what you have seen yesterday, but it is not-"

"Please!"

Desperately.

Yes, that is the word.

A confession

Triggered by a provocation

An insidious trap

Soon kills the victim

From the inside.

"Miura Yumiko! Get a hold of yourself!"

Perhaps

Too far.

Because the moment

He had broken from her hold

She was in tears

Those green eyes

Desperate.

Like a ghost

She fled.

If clichés taught him anything, the next episode.

Social suicide.

Figuratively

And

Literally.


	61. Withered I

Standstill.

Frozen

Paralysis

Induced by shock

The explosive

Detonated

Or so it seems.

Why?

A simple

Not

Question.

How did it come to this?

Indeed

It was a long journey

A perilous trek

Through jungles

Of illusions

Swamps

Of lies

Traipsing haphazardly

In the dark

Guided by a faint light

Seeking

Hoping.

It was poetic.

A connection

Thin ribbon

Between two souls

Illogical

Incomprehensible

A gruesome combination

Mixing black and white

Never produce

Bright colors.

Reminisce

Look back

Figurative footsteps

But

Two.

Once

He walked

Alone

But he found

A companion

And for a moment

It seemed better.

Like a candle in the dark.

Candle and the dark?

Perhaps

His dead-fish eyes

Saw the world

Through

Undead visions

Monotonous

Cold

Cynical.

With her

He could see

If only for a bit

Clearer.

If only.

All those years ago

Alternative answer

Produce a different

Color.

Deep inside

Under layers

Bitter memories

Painful lessons

Still

He was simply

Just another boy.

He did not choose cynicism.

Cynicism chose him.

Once bitten

Twice shy

Man is a blank canvas

But he does not

Paint himself.

Nature is always the artist.

We are but canvas.

Different colors

Denote

Personality

Character

Shades

How bright the smile

How dark the tears.

He was cursed

Blessed

His bright colors

Splashed over

With black and white

Cold hues

The only consolation

They were real.

Are they?

Smile

Like paint

Fades.

Heat and rain

Come hell

High water

Life will make

Or break

A man.

The recipe for a cynic.

Mix rejection

Depression

Acceptance

Cold logic

And a chronic hatred

For youth.

He had forgotten

But now

Remember

Like a projectile

Finally penetrating

The presumptive barrier

In his mind

Realization

All this time

He had fawned over

This relationship

False satisfaction

Deception.

All this time

Simply

A measly deal

With the fire queen.

A friendship

Forged in pain and delusion

Hastily constructed

Heat of the moment

A blatant lie

Another illusion.

This relationship

Like a drug

Stave off insanity

Because the antidote

He did not deserve

Always

Out of reach.

A placebo

He deceived himself

Believing to be true

When the truth

He was still plagued

Slow-induced poisons

And she was the delay

Never the cure.

Truth may be a lie.

One that we choose to believe in.

A man

Such as he

Never deserved

Such privilege.

Friendship is a privilege.

One that is reserved for the few.

Do not forget

His methods

Modus operandi

Dogma by which he lived

A self-destructive

Counter-productive

Cynical

Rotten

Cold

Logic.

Two figures

Black ice

Sweet fruit

Playing in his mind

A repetitive tape

Now a nightmare.

He loved them.

If he could

If.

That ideal

That privilege

Alas

It cannot be.

He who does not have compassion

Does not deserve compassion.

Quite a wretched philosophy

Yet it had a point

Albeit

Razor sharp.

But her?

A beautiful face

Emerald green

Golden blonde

Like fine silk

A sculpture of perfection

Her skin

Like porcelain

A figurine

Excellent.

But

Like a display

Look

Not touch.

She was certainly a work of art.

Thus

He cannot

But look

Behind

A figurative glass.

She was a mirage.

Too good

To be true.

Did he love her?

Yes

But actually

No?

Admiration.

That may be a good word to put it.

Genuine?

Perhaps

Another lie

He chose to believe

Because he too

The loner

The cynic

Runs away.

Genuine?

Bullshit.

Who am I kidding?

A fancy word

In other words

He was being

Picky.

Like a child

Selective

Only the brightest pieces

When all of it

The same sweet

Or bitter

Chocolates.

Cherry-picking

Truth or lie

Genuine

Can

Possibly

Perhaps is

Anything.

Should it be a reason to make an innocent girl cry?

Perhaps not.

Chase after her!


	62. Withered II

For a moment

It was as if

All blood

Had drained out of him

But now

Find the strength

Step.

She was long gone

Yet

He could still

Catch her.

Could?

Will.

Like a golden cloud

To the wind

He must follow

Make a leap

Beyond the edge

This time

Over the abyss.

Out of grasp

Yet

Within reach.

Pairs of eyes

Spectators

Gazing at him

The play had reached its climax

The audience

Expects

Resolution.

A certain shade of pink

Beside a noirette

Distinct contrast

Icy blue and peach.

Certainly shocked

Perhaps even agitated

But possibly

Hopeful.

Hoping

No more

Drastic

Rotten measures

Methods

Which they so despised

A reminder

There was still a request

To fulfill.

Save her.

He will.

Not just because it was a request.

Because even he

Cynical and crude

Had come to accept

Love.

Love a woman

Not for who she was

But for who she is.

And possibly

Consider

Maybe he could earn

The privilege

Return

Finally break away

Break out

From his self-induced isolation.

Craft the paddle

Build a raft

Escape

From the damned

Desert island

Rejoin her.

He was cast out

Marooned

Yet it should not be a reason

Not to sail again.

Each step

Heavy

Stiffed

But slowly

Surely

Lighter.

Zero

But the timer

Start again.

No doubt

This journey

Will have an end

But now

Focus on the present.

The past will kill you with regret.

The future kills with anxiety.

By deduction, present may be the most survivable.

Satisfactory.

Now.

Where did she go?

A subtle sense of urgency

Each step

Faster

The staircase

Seemed long and winding

The air

Colder

Sharper

Beads of sweat

But not from exhaustion.

His tongue was dry

Swallow

But there was none

Signs

Fear?

Opening the door

He shivered

Gust of wind

An icy punch

The light stung his eyes

Relative silence

Hissing at him.

Now

Frantic

He looked around

Searching for a blonde hue

Under the gray sky

Nowhere to be found.

Walk

Inspecting

Seeking

Fingers crossed

Nearing an edge.

He cursed under his breath.

Agonizing truth

He was either too late

Or

He had made a fatal blunder.

Once again

Coldness

Gripping him

Difficult to breathe

Oxygen be damned

His chest was heavy

Limbs threatening to fail

But he cannot fall.

To think of it, why did he come here?

Of all places

Which way did she flee

But he could not remember.

Epiphany

He was guided

By an insidious prediction.

Cold chill down his spine.

If he sat down now

He may never stand up again.

Had he assumed

Worst case scenario

Feasible

Yet

Illogical?

Rooftop.

A cliché.

But no!

It cannot be.

Such is youth.

On the contrary

History does not repeat itself.

But it is a source of pattern.

Had he presumed

A pitiful expectation

Of the proud queen?

How disrespectful of me.

She will do no such thing.

A fire that burns brighter

The harder the rain.

It cannot be put out

By a simple conflict.

Can it?

Dangerous

But a possibility.

Expect the unexpected.

Do not expect

In order not to be

Disappointed.

She is just a girl after all.

Move on

Keep walking

Time is of essence

In this case

Difference

Between ruin

Or recovery.

Faster.

He knew

Where to

Next.

Should he be wrong again

It may be too late.

Time is ticking.

Figment

Imagination

Hallucination?

Traces

Red

Drops

Blood?

His hands

Cold and pale

The road ahead

Long and winding

Constructions seemed

Sky high

And he could not

Look back.

Forward.

Propelled by anxiety

Perhaps fear

Insidious thoughts

Behind him

Giving chase

Ironically

Urging him on.

He had to be wrong.

It cannot be what he was thinking.

Desperation

Drive people

Over the edge

Figuratively

Literally.

He had to reach her.

Pull her up.

Before it is too late.


	63. Withered III

Dying light

Under vermilion sky

Stirred with monotony

Streaks of stone clouds

Footsteps

Progressively

Require more energy

Vision was a haze

Sensations

Extreme heat

Lethal cold

Taking turns

Killing him.

From a crawl

Walk

Accelerate

Run.

A peculiar effect

A man in fear

Progressively

Move faster

Upon breaking into a dash

Sprint

Like the devil is after you.

Speak of the devil.

Turn

Face to face

Immediately halt

Rosy eyes

Deadly

But now

He could not care less.

Strangely

Unreadable visage

Her expression

Miniscule smile

Tilting her head

The devil stared at him.

Standoff

Yet

Concede

She moved aside

Gesturing to a direction

Looking.

Skeptical, he looked at her.

Words refused to form

But there was no need

Silent understanding

Quite unsettling

She knew

Witnessing

To where

A flame

Had fled.

Perhaps

Too far.

There must always be a line

Draw the limits

Her plans

Dangerously

Effective.

He too, knew.

Resume

Once again

But not before looking back

Silhouette of a woman

Crossing her arms

The bane

To his existence

She who rocked his boat.

A saddened look on her face?

Illusion perhaps.

To her

Indeed

She was forlorn

Yet admiring

Unbroken resolve

The cynic

Refused to fall

See him pursue

A woman

Other than her

Quite

Painful.

Realize

He never pursued her.

It was always her

The devil

Giving chase.

To this

She was envious.

Subtle understanding

Refusing to accept

He did not

But.

No.

What made the fire queen

Better than her?

Worth pursuing?

Worth loving?

Answers to the questions

Perhaps

Subconsciously

She knew

Indeed.

Self-assumptions

A reflection

Of the self.

Assumed

She was

Inferior?

And for once

A sharp fracture

On her perception

Presumed perfection.

His silhouette vanished into the distance.

So did her spirits.

On the other hand

He pushed on

Regardless

Tired and battered

Physically

Mentally

Ironically

He felt

Stronger.

Exhaustion

Brought clarity

Mind and body

Cleanse

As his blood surged

Giving him

Newfound strength.

Faster, he ran.

Fear and dread

Like sweat

Shed

Evaporated.

Drawing closer

Her home

Dwelling of a queen

It seemed bigger

The doors

Heavier.

Grass seemed dull

The flowers

Still life

Yellow lights

Sinister.

Pushing it open

Deafening silence

In the dim

No traces.

Small hint

A sign

Momentary

Relief.

On the floor

Her bag

Looking around

To the staircase

A crumpled blazer

Points connect

An arrow was formed

He followed.

Ominous silence

Anxiety override fear

The corridor

Narrow down

Or so it seemed.

Doorknob felt stiff

For a moment

Trepidation engulfed him

But it yielded.

Push

Firmly

As if there was a weight

But there was none.

When he peered inside

He nearly collapsed.

Bursting forth

Into the room

A sight.

It was like a painting.

Unfortunately, gruesome.

Colors of red.

Certainly jarring

And he was stunned

Seconds seemed frozen

For hours.

For there, she sat.

On the corner

A dying fire.

From a parallel cut

Dark red

Seeped out

Forming a thin pool

Beside her.

White marble and blood.

Thin streams of tears

Glistened

On her weeping face.

Tragic scene

Almost Shakespearean

Evoking sorrow

Grief

Despair.

A withering rose

Her colors

Bleeding out.


	64. Despair I

Despair.

Powerful catalyst

With deadly results.

For a moment

He felt suffocated

Denied of breath

Staring in disbelief.

Alas, it was reality.

Panic

Like water

Rapidly filed in

Threatening to drown him.

Mind over matter.

It would do no good

To stall any further.

Snapping out

From a lethal daze

He came to his senses

Desperately

Searching.

Seizing the nearest object

On a desk

Masking tape

Crude

But better

Than nothing.

Damned.

Cursing his predicament

He inwardly grimaced

Sweating profusely

Gasping for air.

Carefully

Avoiding

The grisly scarlet liquid

Reach for her arm

Pressing his fingers

With a strip

Mask over

Painful

Incision.

Any second now

He might faint

From exhaustion

And stress.

Her crisp white blouse

Stained

Smeared

Drops and lines

Crimson.

Even her cheeks

A faint trace

Of red

Mixed

Tears.

Blonde hair

Drooped down

Cascading

Veiling her face

In a curtain of silk.

Keep the arms up.

Weakly

He lifted her body

Her arms

Draped over his shoulders

Propping her

On the rugged carpet

Cushion of pillows

Her face

Ever so beautiful

Sleeping.

Her hands

Seemed

Cold

Yet

Tears

Still wet

Lips

But

Now

Not the time.

The bleeding

Certainly stopped

Yet it was a gruelling affair

It was a bloody business

Literally.

He stumbled backward.

Aghast

Eyeing the sight

Before him

The blonde woman

Lay

On a pile of pillows

Sleeping.

She was sleeping.

A daring assumption.

One that he hoped true.

He was drenched

Cold sweat

Fatigue

Yet

Prominent state of mind

Situation normal

All fucked up.

Frustration

Stress

Saturate

Fear and panic.

Poking a finger

Against her neck

Warmth

Pulse.

Not yet.

Moment of relief

Deep breath

Much needed

Cooldown.

It had never occurred to him

What can drive a person

Into destroying

Themselves.

The answer seemed obvious

But it was inconclusive

Illogical

Severely

Counter-productive.

He stood up

Gazing at the scene

A morbid caricature

Having read literature

This was a method

Depiction

Of desperation.

Restrict himself

Screaming does no good

Nor will crying.

There is a mess to clean up.

Literally, figuratively.

His mind

A fierce warzone

Chaos and confusion

At a moment

Too much.

Scanning his hands

Visible contamination

Of the dreadful fluid.

Such a horrible predicament.

Proverbial saying

Holding true

But it cannot be!

Her blood on his hands.

Whose fault was it?

Now is not the time

To delegate

Responsibility.

Even now

His rotten cynicism

Knew no bounds.

On the other hand

It offered him

Mental fortitude

Times like these

Knee-deep

In hell.

Downstairs

Scrummaging

Rags and towels

A pail of water

Bottle of alcohol

Equipment

For a disturbing task.

Cleaning up after a crime.

Quite unbelievable

Certainly

Horrid

Perhaps it was a wrong analogy

But the point gets through.

Never had he anticipated

Possibility of such

Event.

Yet hindsight

Always clear

The picture

Certainly formed

A shattered portrait

Of a broken girl.

Another flashback

Dreadful.

He cannot fix her.

For He was broken too.

Is He?

Perhaps

Once

He was indeed

Destroyed.

But at that moment

Never again.

How can you kill

Something

That is already

Dead?

Unkillable.

Perhaps that

Is his

The flaw

Of Hikigaya Hachiman.

Killed heart

Resurrection

Dead

But

Undead.

That may be the reason.

Even in this moment

He could feel

No pity

No pain

No compassion.

Heartless.

Respect.

He will not pity her.

Never.


	65. Despair II

Looking at the floor

Glistening mirror

Reflection

On a surface

Of crimson.

Wipe it away.

Allow his mind

Wander and ramble

Anything

To keep the insane reality

Stave the insanity

Off

Away.

Scent of blood

Notes of metal

Severely disturbing

Provoking.

Damp cloth

Soaking in

Like a paintbrush

Dipped

In blood red.

Rinse.

Squeeze.

Repeat.

Terribly fucked up predicament.

Even that was an understatement.

His arms

Shivering

Hands

Trembling

But not from fear

Nor grief

But from exhaustion

Tempered with frustration.

The stench of alcohol

Brought

If little

Solace

Keep away

An even more

Repulsive odor.

Water

Progressively

Taking on

Reddish pallor

Rags and towels

Filthy

Deathly.

To the naked eye

He would seem

Remotely

Calm.

Truth be told

He too

On the razor edge.

Meticulously

Picking up

A dreadful object

With caution

Inspecting it

As if it were

Hazardous

Evidence

Weapon

Of a scene.

In the figurative sense, it was.

Thin

Blade

Stained

Startling signs

It cut

Deep.

He frowned upon seeing it.

Even more perturbing

It had cut

Contrary to common belief

Not perpendicular

But parallel

To the wrist.

Like a razor teeth

It sunk its fangs

Certainly drawing blood

Severing

Fatal.

Quickly.

Douse

Rinse

Pocket it away

Dispose

Despise.

The situation he was in

Certainly forcing

His fortitude

Mental strength

To breaking point.

She had broken.

The impasse he was caught in

A clear testament

To the awful consequence

Of a wrong answer

Possibly

His rotten conduct.

As the saying goes

From bad to worse.

To him

It seemed

All the planets

Finally aligned

To break his spirits

Once and for all.

He was on a continuous streak

Of bad luck

As if everything

Hostile

Towards him.

And now

Picking up

From the ghastly pool of red

A stained image

Small portrait.

He was stunned

Thunderstruck clarity

Immediately

Sickened

Rocking him

To the core.

They say.

Pictures are worth a thousand words.

If so, then there is no need for a suicide note.

A simple picture

Serves as a letter

Farewell

Last words.

Yes, there was no denying it.

Temper

Like heated water

Boiled up

He was indignant

Frustrated

But not because of her.

No, it was not her.

Reluctantly

He looked

Closer

At the square portrait.

Wiping it off

Clarify

It depicted

Him

And her

The cynic

The fire queen

A stolen picture perhaps

For he could not remember

When it was taken.

Peculiar.

The two of them

Side by side

Upon closer scrutiny

He could spot

Beside her cheerful grin

A smile

Though faint

On his lips

Rare

Joy.

He would have cried.

But no tears appeared.

He was upset.

To think

This would be

Her last words

Had he been too late

Her farewell.

Why?

Again

The answer

Obvious

But is it?

Revelation

Had all this

Transpired

All those months earlier

The time

When he

Was still

In the rawest form

Rotten

Repulsive

The cynic

At his finest.

He would merely sneer

Gawk at the reality

That had destroyed

People.

Her.

To him

Suicide

The lowest form

Of running away.

Which, he had perceived.

Her attempt.

She had tried to run away

Inadvertedly, away

From him.

Ironically

But not away

Truth

She had tried

To run

Towards him.

But now.

A lesson.

He may finally understand.

People do not kill themselves.

They kill the pain.


	66. Despair III

Internal conflicts

Lapelled

Existential crisis

His mind

A battlefield of emotions

Beliefs

Presumptions

Assumptions

His own philosophies

Clashing

With newfound views

Courtesy of a certain fire queen.

No doubt

Like a painter

She had colored him

Influenced

Changed.

Yellow and green

Bright and powerful

Sharp contrasts

To his monotony

And from a dead shell

He gained a bit more

Color.

She had taught him

Regardless

As the saying goes

There is lesson to be learned

Even from fools

Wisdom sprouts.

Indeed

He was mistaken.

She was certainly more perceptive

Than one would assume.

She showed him

How to find

Satisfaction

In the smallest joys.

Taught him

How to be

Sympathetic

To speak

With kind words.

From her

A powerful doctrine

A dogma

That he held

In high respect.

We always have a choice.

But now, even that statement.

Dangerous

Self-destructive.

By the same logic, she had chosen to destroy herself.

What am I doing, poking holes at idealist beliefs?

His cynicism certainly knew no bounds.

Acerbic criticism

All this

A wretched

Underhanded

Method.

If one would think.

People die. For attention.

Literally. Figuratively.

Indeed

What did I expect?

A Riajuu is a creature

That fed off

Attention.

Ego is always craving praise.

Dark humour.

You get more flowers

On your funeral

Than all of the flowers

Combined

In your entire life.

Source: me.

A man is loved the most

At the moment of his death.

Why?

Because when you are gone

Out of the way

No longer a hindrance

You are no longer

A pain in the ass.

Of course, your death will still be painful for your loved ones.

Such is cynicism.

He hated himself for it.

Did he?

But hate

Is acceptance

Of a grim truth

And thus

He loved himself.

Irony

Brimming with hypocrisy

The reason

Why he

Will never deserve

The privilege

Of friendship

And the ideal

Of

Love.

This is why

I am a loner

An outcast

Opposer of youth

The terrorist

Blowing up

Illusions and façades

Shoving reality

Down their throats.

The cynic. In the flesh.

The monster.

Of logic.

He had long forgotten

Disparaged

The vital reminder.

When fighting monsters

Do not become one.

To him

He was upset

Infuriated

In grief.

Through his own dead eyes

He saw

A pathetic move

Leading to the downfall

Execution

Of the monarchy

Social hierarchy overturned

Suicide attempt

A final gambit

Of the fire queen

That will make

Or break

Her empire.

Dots connect

She had lunged forward

That evening

In front of an audience

To reveal

Who is the antagonist

In the play.

But this is all

A bold calculation.

If he had miscalculated

Missed calculation

Results

Lethal.

He was sad.

Yes, a contradicting statement.

The cold cynic, sad?

Only those who have a heart can feel sadness.

How rich.

But as he drew closer to her

Brushing blonde hair aside

Wipe away

Traces of tears

On an ethereal face

Caressing her cheeks

And he planted

A kiss

On her forehead

With what sincerity

He had left.

A certain sage

Traipsed in his mind.

For the blonde fire queen

Was simply another

Nice girl.

And that is why

He must be compassionate

With her.

It is always difficult to love.

With it

Comes pain

Suffering

A long journey

Provoked by self-interests

Temptations

Human nature.

I was a coward.

Cowards survive a thousand times.

A hero, only once.

But that is it.

Genuine?

To simply survive cannot suffice.

I wanted to live.

Up until now

All I did

Survive

Evade

Run.

A hero will save her.

There was none.

So

Become one.

He nuzzled against her silken hair

And from the corner of his eyes

Though his gaze

Dead

A teardrop

The second time

Since the last time.

Because the cynic

Learned the biggest lesson

From the fire queen

Which is

To love.

Because he had learned to love her.

And because

He had learned to love her

He was saddened

Because he did not want

To lose her.

They say

Only fools

Know how to

Truly love.

If cynicism is the bitter wisdom

A pill he reluctantly swallowed

He would have to try

To love

Even if

He knew

It was priming

Another time bomb

Because nothing

Lasts forever.

And so he wept.

He who loves to a fault

Loves the fault as well.


	67. Fragments I

Darkness

Broken

Faint streams of light

Silence was the only noise

Time seemed

Frozen

Indefinitely.

On the gray carpet

Two figures

Huddled

Together.

Waiting.

Thinking.

Shallow breath

Calm

His limbs felt numb

Arms wrapped

Another warmth

He sat there

Holding her

Close.

Mind

Blank

At the same time

Aware

Aftermath

Of this situation

Devastating.

Reaching

A mug

Cold water

Bring no comfort

But

Bring her back

To senses.

Water seeped

Through her pink lips

Soon enough

A reaction

Scrunching her brows

Sharp green orbs

Peered back at him.

"Hey. You're awake."

"The hell are you doing here?"

He let out a sigh of relief.

It was consolation

At the very least

Looking at her

A mess of blonde hair

Stained white blouse

He stood up.

But

A pair of hands

Held him back

By the shirt

As she buried her face

On his chest.

"You know... you didn't have to do... that."

"I'm... sorry."

A barely audible murmur.

"Do you have any idea what trouble could happen- I... that was really... stupid."

"Hachiman! You're not helping!"

Exasperated

Smacking his head

Glaring at him.

"I just..."

All he could do

Look away

Unable

Expressing sympathy

Especially in words

Not his area of expertise.

"I just don't know what I'll do if I lose you too."

The words

Flowed smoothly

Like a stream

Simply

Speaking his mind.

Indeed

What would he do?

Too often

We only realize

The values

Once we lose it.

Unexpected reaction

Sniffles

Tears

Looking back at her

Hiding her face

Away from him.

"If you think you can get away with that... that is a very selfish..."

Words died

Like dust

Into air.

Hypocrisy.

Who am I to talk about selfishness?

At this point

The cynic

Committing the same blunder

As he did

With a certain ice queen.

Admiration is the first step

Towards disappointment.

Once again

He deceived himself

With the impression

Belief

In an ideal caricature

As he did

Believing

Perfection

Of an icy woman.

In this case

The admiration

Of a bright flame

Arrogant

Elegant

Beauty and charm

Perfectly imperfect

Unbroken will.

But now

Like a crystal figurine

Shattered.

Disappointed.

But not because of her.

Expectation

By foresight

He knew

Desperation

Give birth

Drastic action.

But truly

He was stricken

With panic

Grief

Upon the prospect

Of losing

A beloved.

He had toiled

For how long

He did not remember

A traumatic passage

Purify

With water

Cleanse

Red colors

When dusk fell

And the moon

High

Dark

Here he was.

"I-I... s-sorry..."

Her voice

Soft

Broken

Teary green eyes

Under faint moonlight

Her pale cheeks

Ethereal.

Meeting dead black

His tears

Long gone

A faint trail

Only sign

Though his face

Almost apathetic

His eyes

Certainly

Saddened.

It felt like an eternity

When it had only been minutes

In the darkness of the room

The two

Shared

Understanding

Or so it seems

In silence.

Silent tears.

Drowsy haze

Warm air

Yet the atmosphere

Somehow

Cold.

Gently

Like a feather

Bringing forth a hand

Wipe her tears away.

To her

Finally

He was there

Once again

A shoulder to cry on

Someone

Who will wipe her tears

As she cried.

Meticulously

Stroking

Blonde silk

The best he could do

Comfort

A little girl.

Hum

Softly

Song

Lulling her

To sleep.

"Put your head on my shoulder..."

A rose,

"Whisper in my ear, baby..."

With all its thorns,

"Words I want to hear..."

Is no match,

"Tell me..."

For a heartless lover.

"That you love me too."

To lie

Cheat

Steal

Covet

Love

Is to be human.

If so

Then inhumanity

Is high benevolence.

Or simply a step lower.


	68. Fragments II

Drift

Like clouds

Sleep.

Carefully

Lift her

Delicate body

And lay

On the bed.

Examine

Inspect

But actually

Standing there

Looking at

A sleeping beauty.

It would be too unbearable

He had lost

Plenty

But her

The closest

To that ideal

Even if

Germinating

From a foul seed

Of lies and self-interest

A beautiful flower

Bloom friendship

Confusion

Thinking is counter-productive.

Too good to be true

Be damned.

Stains

Smears

Dried

Filth.

Damp towel

Kneeling to her side

Like a sculpture

He polished

With care.

Lightly

Where there is red

He wiped it off

Looking

At the crude patch

A solution

Swiftly

Made in chaos

A horrible excuse

For a proper bandage.

Inwardly, he winced.

All he could do for now

Carefully wipe away

What he can.

A deep cut

Any move he made

And she was asleep

Best

Let her be.

It was late

Sounded late

Even smelled late

Light in the living room

Dull

Hunger was absent

Exit

Outside

On the porch

After dark

Cold wind

Fresh air

Sit down

Wait.

He cannot leave

Not yet.

Contemplate.

Had he been too late.

Insidious thoughts.

On the contrary

Self-destruction

Intrinsically harmless itself

The damage however

Inflicted

On the appended

That is

Those who loved

Family.

Reminisce

Another figure

In his mind

Those wary dark eyes

Matted black hair

A stubbled man

Through hell and back

Or so his eyes said.

A father.

Now

If he had lost

The only child

A grim predicament.

He too could relate

Even if

His own father

Despised him

But certainly

Even he

Did not want him gone.

On the cynical side

Sons and daughters

Another investment

Consider it

Insurance

Someone who will take care

Of the elders

In old age.

A man is neither good nor bad.

But, useful or useless.

What would he tell him?

No easy way

Without a sharp context

To reveal it.

Certainly jarring

News

Of your own daughter

Prospect of losing

A life

Terrible.

Understatement.

Even he could not comprehend.

Half an hour

Half a year

Time does not make sense

When frozen in stupor

Or drowned in thought.

A black car

From it

Come out

A man

In the same outfit

A dirty white coat

Warily eyeing

The strange fellow.

Strange.

At this hour of the night.

He stood up.

"Hikigaya-san. What are you doing here?"

His lips

Reluctant

Lost

Cannot find the right words

To avoid

Immediate reaction.

"Saito-san-"

Unfortunately

By a beset

Stroke of luck

His stained shirt

Gave the wrong idea.

"What did you do."

Cold

Sharp voice

Unlike anything he had ever heard

Calm

Dripping with menace.

"Wrong idea. There is no easy way to put it. Better if you see for yourself."

He was certainly intimidated.

The man shook his head

A frown

Walk past him

The two

Unsettling silence.

On the surface

Stone-cold composure

Inside

He was anxious.

Indeed

See a man

In a bloodied shirt

Outside your house

Quite unsettling.

An understatement.

It was frightening.

Provocative.

There was no telling

What could be next.

When he saw his daughter

Asleep

Visible red stains

And a crude bandage on her arm

His heart sank.

Clenching his fists

Furious

Shock

All wind

Leaving his lungs

Stepping closer.

But he was not angry

Atleast not at the young man

As sinister as it seems

He knew

Albeit

Suspicious dead-fish eyes

He meant no harm.

Silent understanding

Between the two.

"...miko-chan..."

Slowly shaking his head

In grief

He held her hands

Words cannot convey

Only actions

Illustrate.

"I'll... dress her wounds. You can go wait downstairs."

There was nothing

A cynic no less

Can do.

There will be no consolation

To a parent

In grief.

No words

Can sweeten

A bitter truth

Fact

Presentation

Of a possibility

Loss.

Here

He saw

As if looking at

Reflections

The cynic

Saw himself

In the man

A father.

Life

Like a tide

Batter against a rock face

Eroding

Corroding

The creation

Of a cynic.

His life

Like black coffee

Bitter.

His daughter

Brought the only

Sweetness.

You cannot expect coffee to be sweet if you remove the sugar.


	69. Fragments III

Silence.

Apprehensive

In the living room

Sitting on a chair

The white light

Did no good

To him

It felt like an imminent

Interrogation.

No real reason

To fret

His mind

Playing tricks on him

But foresight tells

Violent reactions.

It should be.

This was a very

Unpleasant situation.

A severe deprecation

Of a serious condition.

It was catastrophic.

He himself

Already

An abominable combination

Cynicism and spite

Any fools guess

What disaster

Wreak havoc

To an already bleak man.

Only now

Did he see

With his own eyes

A simple gesture

Yet

Speaking paragraphs

Of emotions.

Difficult to comprehend

But perhaps

The key

Is not always

Seeking understanding

But placing

Trust.

A concept

Reserved

For the most

Intimate

Relationships

One being

Family.

Footsteps

Looking to his side

From the stairway

This time

Wary eyes

Even more

Lugubrious.

Certainly

Off-putting

Bad mood

Provoking.

An audible sigh

Exasperation

In a way

The two men

Sharing similarities

Both

A dry husk

Cynics

The stubbled man

Dragging towards the fridge

Passively scrummaging

For a beverage.

Eerie silence

Between the two

Yet

Subtle understanding

The saying held true

Fellow cynics

More often than not

Get along

With another cynic

As birds of the same feather

Flock together.

However

It would seem

Ironic

The two

Added together

Simply mixing

Black

With even more black.

There was difference

He knew it

The bleak man

A weary visage

He had certainly seen better days

Telltale signs

He was not always

A cold shell.

The recluse.

He

As all people

Over time

Like flowers

Dry up

Leave

Faded colors

All

Decompose.

Literally. Figuratively.

Passing by

The man handed him

A particular

Canned drink

With that

Immediate change of opinions

The recluse

Another one of his kind!

Like a stone

Drop

Onto an armchair

The two

Sat in relative silence

Sipping the icy liquid

Sweet

Figurative alcohol

For the pain.

Tensions

Like taut string

The obvious

Elephant in the room

Had to be discussed.

"Hikigaya-san. When did this happen?"

In a quiet voice

Yet his tone

Stern.

"Yumiko had run away. I followed her here, only to find her-"

He refused to continue.

He was blunt

But

Lines must be drawn

Especially

Sensitive topics.

At the same time, it was ironic.

Too often

We speak

What we mean

But not mean

What we say.

In his mind

Abhorrent thoughts

Composed by his cynicism

Another reason

Why words

Must be taken

With a pinch of salt.

But if actions

Speak louder

Than the words.

Contradict.

The pen

Is mightier

Than the sword?

"How is she?"

A question from the cynic.

His narrow eyes

Tired

As he swished

Contents of the can

In deep contemplation.

"Yumi-chan lost quite some blood. Severed a vein or two. Hopefully not an artery."

"Should we bring her to the hospital?"

His gaze

Moving upwards

Looking at the young man

To him

It seemed like a mirror image

Of himself.

"That would be unnecessary. It'll stress her even more. Better to let her rest."

Conversation

Marked by lengthy

Interludes

Accompanied

Underlying motives

Between the lines

Skepticism.

Skeptical

The recluse

Looked

The cynic

Right in the eye.

"What does Yumiko mean to you?"

A simple question

With a simple answer.

Only fools

Complicate.

Skepticism

Like a visor

Severely obstructing

Lucency

View

Of truth.

Unfortunately

Cynicism

Answers.

"She means a lot. To me."

To this

The recluse

Raised a brow.

He knew.

Common people

To this question

The answer is.

Everything.

This young man, however.

Meant what he said.

"Thank you."

Different.

"For being there. For her."


	70. Altercations I

Pitch black

Midnight sky

Faint constellations

Silence interrupted

December wind

Sifting through

Dark streets.

No sleep tonight.

The mind

Will think

Exhaust itself

To sleep.

Contemplation

Simultaneously

Footsteps

A skill he learned

Walking

Autopilot.

Mental clock

Struck twelve

Coming home

At this hour

Inevitable death

At the hands of his mother.

Knocking on the door

Reveal

An incensed woman.

"Hachiman!"

Iron grip on his shoulder

Furious eyes

Glaring at him.

"Where have you been!"

"I-I can explain- ow, ow!"

Cut off

Seized by the ear

Wince in pain

As he was dragged inside.

She gazed at her son

As he profusely rubbed

Sore spots

When her mind registered

Sinister

Red stains

Prompting

Taking off her glasses

Shocked.

"What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have blood on your shirt!"

Seizing his arms

Groping

For an assumed wound.

"Mom, I'm okay-"

"But whoever caused this certainly isn't!"

He froze at the remark.

Sharp black eyes

The mother wolf

Bore holes

Into the back of his head.

"Explanation. Now."

"I-it's a long story... a friend of mine got into an acciden-"

His lips locked immediately.

What would he say?

It would be a lie

To a certain degree

It was no accident.

Was it?

Now is not the time

To act all holier-than-thou

On lying.

"Clean yourself up. It's already late."

A relief.

He had no alibi

To cover up with

Best he can do

Be discreet.

The woman looked back at him.

"Hachiman. I cannot stress how important it is to be careful. This friend of yours? I will not pressure you any more. But remember."

She took a deep breath.

"This is not just about you. What do you think will your family; us, react if you are at risk?"

The words struck him

On point.

He could not

But look down

Ashamed.

"Consideration, Hachiman. Be considerate!"

"I-I'm sorry. Mother."

Shaking her head

A slight frown.

"Do not be sorry. Be better."

She embraced her son.

With that

Enough said

A resolution

With a simple action.

"Hachiman. Your father and I love you and Ko-chan. If you got yourself in trouble..."

A cheerful smile

Sharp contrast

Dangerous tone.

"I'll kill you myself."

"B-but mom... That is extremely... counter-productive."

"Wash yourself up and go to sleep. Or tomorrow will be your funeral."

"H-hai!"

Swiftly

Scamper away

Relieved

He would live

Another day.

Passing by

Take a peek

See

His beloved sister

Asleep

Bring a smile

To his lips.

Indeed.

Be considerate.

Little did he know

These words

Soon

A nightmare

Haunting him

Coming days

Of hell

High water.

Trigger

Unpleasant

Flashbacks

When a certain

Sweet airhead

Shed tears

Because of

Him.

She never wanted to see

Such a thing

Ever again.

His methods

Effective

Concise

Logical

Calculated

Profound.

Profoundly rotten.

A wave of numbness

Cold sweat

Vision was darker

Dread

Due.

His clothes

Suffocating

Like a snake

He shed it.

From a pocket

He fished out

The same photo

Stained portrait

Grim reminder

But no.

In another

Picking out

Razor sharp

Hazard.

One that had threatened

Take away

A loved one.

A deadly souvenir.

Literally.

Dispose of it.

Warm water

Soothing

Yet

It could never cleanse

Internal filth.

Running his hands

On his skin

Traces

Dried crimson

Rinse away

But not the memory.

His body was refreshed.

But the mind

Still

Fouled.

Perhaps

It always was.

Rub a cynic

And you will find

Spite

All over his body.

Laying on the bed

Deliberating

Like a machine

Processing

Calculating.

Perhaps

That was his flaw.

A man

Is not

A machine.

Human emotions.

An incalculable factor.

In hand

Looking at a picture

It was sullied

Yet

Still good.

Carefully

Touching with a finger

Staring

The portrait

Depicts two

Him

And her.

Blonde silken hair

A warm smile

Lively

Emerald green

Her eyes

Contrast

To him.

It was a reminder.

To be considerate.

To be compassionate.

Because

To care for someone

You must care

For yourself.

To love someone

You must first

Love

Yourself.

A picture

Is worth

A thousand words

But when he saw

Her.

Miura Yumiko.

Only

Three

Words.


	71. Altercations II

In darkness

And contemplation

He lay.

Challenges

Make

Or

Unmake.

All it takes

A bad day

From a sane man

To a lunatic.

His rotten methods

Self-destructive.

However

The cynic

Unkillable.

You cannot kill

What is already

Dead.

Up until now

His principles

Modus operandi

Functioning

Efficiently.

It cannot be

Self-sacrifice

If there is nothing

To sacrifice.

Pondering

Truth be told

He did not

Depreciate himself.

No.

He simply did not care.

Fake people

Have an image

To maintain.

Real people

Just don't care.

By burying his social reputation

Under layers of disappointment

He had effectively

Constructed

A bunker

To shelter

From the fallout

Of expectation.

However

Lessons

From a certain sage

And a mother wolf

Reverberated

Realization

Perhaps

Even his philosophies

A mindset

Of running away.

Everyone runs.

The question is

To which direction?

Now

His operating principle

Jeopardized

By the entry

In his life

A certain fire queen.

A woman

That now

He began

To love.

On the cynical side

The events that had unfold

A malicious

Underhanded

Tactic.

A cliché.

Self-harm

A double-edged sword

Immediate magnet

For attention

Or a gruesome

Ending.

Even now

Skepticism

Dictate

This was a trap

But then again

If it was

Then he must

Save her.

A terrifying proverb.

Blood on his hands.

She was like the spell

To disspell

His immortality

And now

He was

Vulnerable.

Love is the ultimate armor-penetrating round.

Now

There was something

To sacrifice.

His mother had warned him.

It was not just about you.

Perhaps it never was.

Be considerate.

Looking back

Had he been

More considerate

He would not find himself

In this quagmire

Caught at an impasse

Quicksand

Of despair.

He would not be separated

From the conscription

That is, the club

He had come to love.

There would be no need

To make

A certain

Sweet airhead

Cry.

And perhaps

The queen of fire

Would find

Her prince

And live happily ever after.

Alas, it was not.

What if, and this is strictly hypothetical.

You could load saved logs in your life, just like in a video game.

Would it change your life?

The answer

Is a resounding no!

He was still a cynic

A loner

A magnet to bad luck

And a catalyst

To misfortunes.

God bless that nice girl back in middle-school.

From her

As if she had handed him

The cyanide pill

Which had killed

Resurrected

Reborn

As a realist.

A cynic.

At one point

Everyone

No exceptions

Would have to swallow

The pill

In life.

Cynicism is a hereditary trait

In the human family.

Source: me.

Now

Because

A certain fire queen

Began to cherish him

Self-sacrifice

Demands

A steep price.

His methods

May not break him

But it will certainly

Break her heart.

Be compassionate.

Admit to his mistakes.

Indeed

He had wrought havoc

Broke hearts

Trampled on flowers

On youth.

Broke her heart.

Like a shattered crystal

The broken shards

Razor sharp

Slice and draw

Mental bleeding

Painful.

Take responsibility.

Pick it up.

Slowly

Carefully

Put it back together.

The reason

Yet

To be revealed.

Break it down

Build her up.

Like the Atlas

He was burdened

Or blessed

A great responsibility

Lies on his shoulders.

Love is a burden.

We always have a choice.

Which burden to carry.


	72. Altercations III

Sleep arrived

As late as he had

It was almost noon

Awaken

A new day

Aftermath

Ongoing fallout.

Hunger was a sensation

Once in a while

He pondered.

Without it

Food

Cannot be

Appreciated.

Cold

Bland

But sufficient.

Everyone else

Had gone

Punishment

For a late riser.

Aphorism held true

The early bird gets the worm.

Step

Outside

Go

About his day.

The sun

Concealed

An icy veil of gray

Slight precipitation

Reminiscent

The day after

The storm.

He would pay

A due visit

To a certain

Fiery woman.

Northern winds

Sighing through trees

Analogize

The remaining leaves

Like people

The strongest

Hang on

Before

An inevitable

Fall.

Another glimpse

Iconic red coat

In the midst of gray

Piercing contrast

Jade green orbs

Gazing at him.

"Hello there, Hikigaya-san."

"Good morning, Miyako-sama."

Subtle tensions

Wafting

Like a cold mist

Around them.

"Where are you headed?"

Hesitation

Yet with vague reason

If revealed

It would be sharing

Distasteful news

Adding more gasoline

Altercations

To the proverbial fire.

"To a friend."

"In a hurry now, are we?"

"I am going to visit Yumiko."

His statement

Certainly piqued

Her interest.

"Speaking of which, I did see Yumi-chan yesterday. Seems like she was running from something."

"You did?"

Raising an eyebrow

It dawned on him

Either

This woman was a seer

Or misfortune

Struck him again.

"How could I not. The view from that bench in the park oversees the path you two take."

By now

The two

Side by side

Walking

A quiet day

Desolate streets

Chilly winds.

He sighed.

"You probably should know that Yumiko is... unwell, to say the least."

"Caught a cold?"

"Erm... no. I think visiting would do her good."

Silent intervals

Whistling air.

"Miyako-sama. You seem enthusiastic about seeing her."

"That... tends to happen when you have not seen someone in a long time."

Silence

Choking

Skepticism and assumptions

Between the two

Between the lines

Underlying secrecy.

Only a matter of time

Before the cat

Breaks out of the bag.

"Something bad happened."

Understatement.

"I thought so."

The sage

Letting out a breath

Icy frost

Dissipating

So did tensions.

"What did I tell you about being compassionate?"

Her voice

Calm

Yet

Traces

Darker tones.

Bringing him

Another thought

Up until now

Responsibility

Had yet to be

Delegated.

"What happened was beyond me. She tried to harm herself."

Abrupt halt.

"She did what?"

"Cut herself. But I got to her just in time. She's fine now."

"Ah, Hikigaya-san. straightforward as ever."

Kneading her temples

Visible irritation

Certainly

Unpleasant disclosure.

"What do you think drove her to do that?"

"Love."

Answer

Without hesitation.

It was crystal clear.

Love.

Human desires

Affection

For attention

Innate passion.

Volatile

Unstable

In some cases

Deadly.

Literally. Figuratively.

She who falls in love, slips.

Watch your step.

She simply chuckled at his answer.

"Love... love makes a fool out of everyone."

"True."

Quiet agreement

Subtle

But both

Contemplating.

"You will pity her."

"Pardon me?"

Shaking her head lightly

Adjust the scarlet felt hat

And he knew

The type of

Faint smile

When one

Observe a person

Fall into a trap.

He will not pity her.

He respected

Saw her as an equal

The fire queen

And the cynic

On fair ground.

But now

Just as he had planted

Seeds of doubt

The sage

Sowed her own

Provocations

Into the mind

Of the cynic.

"She who attempts suicide is the most pitiful of all."

The cynic was dead silent.

"You will love her."

The sage,

"Because you pity her."

Unveiled,

"Miura Yumiko."

Another cynic.


	73. Prejudice I

Cold weather

Amplified

The temperature

Dropping

Zero.

Frozen in place

Stunned

In disbelief

The sage

Indeed

Jaded green eyes

Far more sinister

Behind the mask.

"Well come now. I think Yumi-chan would be delighted to see you."

As if flipping a switch

Immediate swap

Of character

From a cold cynic

To a sweet grandmother.

Terrifying.

On par

Crystal façades

Of a certain devil woman

Except

This one

Perfectly concealed

Only now

Unveiled.

In silence

They walked

Subtle understanding

In deep contemplation

Attempt to foretell

Deadly consequences.

Subconsciously

The cynic knew

Another storm

Brewing.

In the distance

A familiar place

Coming closer

Just last night

He had been here.

The bell rang

Announce

Another

Predicament.

Slow opening

Of a grand door

Revealing

A certain recluse

Wary black eyes

Upon seeing

The sage

He glowered

In displeasure.

"Hikigaya-san. What is Miura-sama doing here?"

His voice

Dripping with hostility

Now that he thought of it

The two

Similar

Yet

Like the wolf

And the lion

Both

Vicious

Prestigious

Unable to tolerate

The presence

Of each other.

The sage stepped forward.

"Is there a problem with me visiting my granddaughter?"

"Of all the times, you choose to show up now."

From the sidelines

The cynic

Silent spectator

Jade green and sharp black

Thunder and lightning

Once again

He must act

The bomb agent

Defuse the situation.

"Now is not the time to quarrel about petty disputes."

At the very least

Douse the flames

A moment of calm

Before a storm.

The sage and recluse

Breaking deadlock

Finally

Proverbial dust

Briefly settled.

The three

Making their way

A flight of stairs

Heavy silence

Broken

By a staccato

Of footsteps.

"She's taking a nap right now."

Sharp creaking

Opening the door

Into the room

Observe

A beautiful girl

Fast asleep.

Slowly traipsing

The sage

Gazing at her grandchild

Her hands

Crossed behind

As if

Inspecting.

A slight frown

Evident

On her

Unreadable visage.

"Well... she certainly is still alive."

The recluse crossed his arms

At her remark.

With a wrinkled hand

Lightly

Touch

An arm

Of the fire queen

Shaking her head

Upon seeing

A bandaged part.

"How... disappointing."

"What do you know?"

"That is exactly the point."

Like two serpents

Hissing in animosity

Indeed

The two

Put together

Both a hazard

To each other.

Icy glares

Cannot compare

Dark green eyes

Hundredfold

Intimidating.

Only matched

By a pair

Razor sharp

Black ice.

"You have no idea."

"And you do? That makes you responsible."

"You have no right to criticize."

"Is that so? Where were you when she needed you most?"

The sage struck him in check.

"Had it not been for this young man here, we would be gathering together with white flowers."

"Will you two stop fighting."

Attention

Drawn

Towards

The cynic

Deadly silence

Ensued.

Looking to his side

The sleeping woman

Silently

Glistening streams

Tears

Rolling down

Her pinkish cheeks.

"We... should leave her in peace. For now."

The fire queen

Stirred

Turning away

Hiding.

Filing out of the room

A discussion

Or an argument

To resolve

Or point the blame.

Consequence

Fallout

Catastrophy.

Severity of repercussion

Directly proportional

To the amount of time

It was evaded.

It was childish.

Truth be told

Man

Grows old

But does not

Grow up.

In life

The key to success

Is finding someone to blame.

On the contrary

A good solution

Is a good scapegoat.

Source: me.


	74. Prejudice II

Triumvirate

Of the three.

The cynic

The sage

The recluse.

Individuals

Ought not

Cross paths

As a typhoon

An eruption

Inferno

Calamitous.

In the living

Dead room

Volatile tensions

Fog of war

When bad and evil

Combine.

Recent events

Ripe with controversy

Gilded by underlying prejudice

A perfect condition

To culture

Infectious conflicts.

And between them all

An inveterate aversion

To the presence

Of each

Other.

In fire and brimstone

Of conflict and deception

Like the leaves

Of deciduous trees

Morality

Falls apart

And in the winter

The true image

Of humanity

Crystal clear.

The ethics of savagery.

What is morality

But a figment

Of human

Imagination?

Up

Leave

Walk

And behind a wall

Lean.

Between his teeth

Cold air seeped in

Crossing his arms

Ponder

Comprehend.

But he could hear

Fragments

When the lone wolf

And the fallen lion

Vicious disputes

Terrible.

None of his business.

In a bleak

Dark

Cruel world

A cold desert

Emotional thirst

Only quenched

By a mother.

Hunger

For a virtue

A footstep

To follow

The proverbial bread

Come from the breadwinner

The father.

Your brothers

And sisters

Rarest creatures

Unseen

But once

On the face

Of this damned earth.

Warmth

From the fiery hearth

That is.

A family.

Another wrong saying.

Homeless people.

Correction.

Homeless people

Have a home.

The correct term

Is houseless.

What is a home?

But it is

A metaphysical concept

A dwelling

Built not

From stone or brick

But from flesh and blood.

A hut

Is a house.

A heart

Is a home.

Family.

The only genuine existence

In a preposterous nihilism.

Without it

Nothing else matters.

Familial schism

Like a shattered portrait

Broken.

The next worst thing

To none at all.

But

Listen.

"...think I do not care about her?"

"...what is her worth to you, but based on her utility."

Ah, yes.

In this world

All men and women

Are intrinsically

Inequal.

Alternatively

All men and women

Are equal.

But some men and women

Are more equal

Than others.

Utility

Useful

Purpose.

If you ever feel useless

Just remember

Everyone has a purpose.

We are all tools

Users and used

And this world

Is but a big toolbox.

A man is neither good

Nor bad.

A man

Is either useful

Or useless.

Listen closer.

"...not disappointed with her. I am disappointed with what she did."

"...you fail to understand."

"...failed to save her."

Disappointment.

He could understand.

A form of prejudice

Stemming from expectation

Assumption

Presumption

But the only cure

Is disappointment.

He who expects nothing

Shall not be disappointed.

But that

Is what

We are.

Spectators

Of the grand play

In life.

Watch

Comment

Applaud.

Everyone

Is a part

Of the audience

And the cast.

Everyone

Is a critic.

Everyone has critics.

Even God has his atheists.

Fail to understand.

A critic must flank

What she cannot make.

Because everyone

No exceptions

Impose

Their own bias

Expectations

On each.

Even God has his commandments.

Even I.

Have failed.

I did

Did I?

Save her.

But

The longer

I live

On this cursed realm

Where the only solace

I found

In solitude

And books

Feeding on knowledge

Gathering wisdom.

The harder

Colder

Increasingly difficult

To feel.

As the mind grows

The heart

Withers away.

And he has forgotten

What that even means.

To save her?

Salvation

In the eighth circle

Is non-existent.

But let me try.

Reach must always exceed grasp.

Because what is Heaven for?


	75. Prejudice III

The air

Cold and sharp

In the dim of the hallway

Heavy atmospheres

Like a blanket

Shrouding

Draped on his shoulders

Suffocating.

Recent epiphanies

Knowledge and revelations

Like another chain

Shackled on him.

And indeed.

Knowing more

Means you have more

Shit to deal with.

I never read memoirs.

My own memories

Are sickening enough.

Why do I need someone else's memories?

It is almost laughable.

Not so funny

When it fucks you.

But hear.

"...only care because she is your successor."

"...think everything is about business?"

"Well aren't you a hypocrite."

"...long time ago. And I regret treating her as a mere pawn."

"You are too late."

"I am. But you? Not yet."

There comes a point

Of no return.

"...make the same mistake as I have."

The greatest failure

Is not failure itself

But

Failure to learn.

In childhood

We used to write

With pencils.

In adulthood

We write

With ink.

Why?

A reminder

That when we are young

When our judgement

Erronous

Small mistakes

Can be erased

Rewritten.

But in life

The ink

We write with

Permanent.

Errors in writing.

Figuratively.

And even the sage

Who claimed

She who had none

No regrets

Lies.

But he knew.

Remember

Learn

Understand

Honesty exists

But not without deception.

Philosophical concepts

Defined

By the coexistence

Of a counter-philosophy.

As light exists

Because there is darkness.

Black is not a color.

It is merely the absence of light.

Thus

Good

Is merely

The absence

Of evil.

Corollary to this

Good exists

Acknowledged

By the existence

Of evil.

Cold

Sad

Bitter

Truth

Purpose

Defines us.

Without it

Is to say

That a man

Who can only inhale

And spit out air

Then the air conditioning unit

In the room

Has a much more

Meaningful existence

Than you.

Source: a certain ice Queen.

Successor

To a hereditary burden

That is, life.

No exceptions.

Looking closer.

In life

We gain

We lose.

Invest

Time and effort

Chance of profit

Determinable

By a variable

Of factors.

Utilize logic

Calculate

Inert judgements

Perhaps a bit of luck

And common sense

To make the best choice.

The brain is calculating

The heart

Is believing.

Quite contradictory

Even counter-productive.

The human body

Is a Leviathan

And a single entity

Be it heart or mind

But it must be

Only one

Who controls it.

It is better to have

One foul decider

Than two good ones.

Because two things

That contradict each other

As matter

To antimatter

Will result

Self-destruction

Annihililation.

Basic quantum physics.

Even applicable

To macroscopic scales.

Business.

Perhaps everything is.

Perhaps

Society

Function

On a capitalist principle.

It tries

For a delicate balance.

Providing enough

Be it material or metaphysical

Objects of interest

Enough to keep

From becoming violent

And taking the possessions

Of other people.

Her propensity

For insidious

Possessiveness.

Hypocrisy.

But everyone is.

Beasts are cruel by instinct

But the cruelty of man by intellect

Makes it all the more

Evil.

Hypocrisy is when you ask me

To be compassionate

When you are not.

"Maybe this does not mean anything now..."

The vicious cycle,

"...but I still love her. Yumiko."

In the grand scheme,

"...forgive me. My son."

Always will spiral around you.

Step

Slow

Out

Farther

And away

Her red coat

Vanished

In the distance

Of gray.

The sage

Did

Run

Away.

Regret, is when we can sin no more.


	76. Beneath I

Reflections.

There

He stood

Peering down

On the polished floor

A silhouette

Stared back at him.

Those dead eyes

Strange

And now

Even he

Could not read

Nor decipher

The cynic

In him.

An inversely proportional anomaly.

When we lose

Family

Friends

Values

Morals

We start to find

The real creature

Beneath our skins.

Literally. Figuratively.

What distinction

Separates man

From beast?

Footsteps

Following

A previous one

There

See

Door half-open

He just stood there

Silent

Reflecting.

Where was his place

In this dreadful affair

Broken lines

But there was no denying

He was one of the catalysts

And so

Involved.

Walk

Approach

Cold wind

Dull sky

Monotone lighting

Relative silence.

On the porch

Snow white coat

Razor sharp

Contrast

To a blood red one.

These people

Including him

Appeared to be similar

But only that.

Appearance.

A poor form of judgement

To characterize a person.

For you see

The cynic

Sage

Recluse

These three

All

Cold

Calculating

Ruthless

Vicious.

Birds of the same feather

Flock together

But that is a wrong analogy

When the context

Involves dangerous individuals.

These are

The lone wolves

Of society.

Those who traipse

Beyond the fences.

"There is no need to pretend. Hikigaya-san."

This man

Almost

Mirror image

He who came down

The path of despair

Difference

Between he and himself

The recluse had hit the bottom

Now

Slowly

Float up

A carcass

Of what once was.

The two

Looked out

Into the bleak.

Here

See

What is the color

Of this flower

Before it had withered away?

Who is a man

Before he was

A shell?

Like a wine glass

Filled

White and clear

Sweet nectar.

From the bottle of life

Pour in

Vinaceous

Red and bitter

Taint what once was pure

Spill

Until none of the sweetness

Remains.

Because beneath every cynic

Is a disappointed optimist.


	77. Beneath II

He stood there

The same dull eyes

One of his hands

Buried in a coat pocket

The other

Cradling a cigarette

Between two fingers.

Scent of tobacco

As the smoke

Wafted in the cold air.

But

How strange

A smile?

Startling

Even surprising

Before him

Though his eyes

Tired

The cynic could see

Glimpse

Behind the tattered mask

Who he was

Before he became

A cynic.

"I know you heard us."

"Pardon me. I did."

Shaking his head lightly

Brush off his little eavesdropping

Take a drag

Wisps of smoke

And the ash

From the tip

Floating down

Like powdery snow.

"You've seen her before, haven't you? At that reception."

"Yes, I did."

The man looked at him

But not a trace

Of vexation.

"I've been trying to keep away Miura-sama for a long time now. And now, you show up and bring her here."

He chuckled a bit

At the humor

Of this predicament.

How ironic.

Imagine

The boy

Your daughter

Spoke so highly of

Was the one

To stir

The proverbial dust

And pit him

Once more

Against the bane

To his existence.

"I... apologize."

"No. It was bound to happen. One way or another."

But now

It seemed

The climax

Unfinished conflicts

Like a plunged knife

Either pulled out

Or thrust

Deeper.

And way down

He was sunk

Increasingly

Treacherous affairs

Those he wished not

Involve himself in.

But now

Deal with it.

Strength

Fortitude

It was not just about him

After all

There was still

A certain fire queen

On the line.

"She says that she loves Yumiko. But that is not true."

The cynic was silent

But inwardly

He pondered

Carefully.

"She disowned me. Us."

"Disown?"

"Four years ago. Miura-sama couldn't get what she wanted. I would not allow it."

He took another draw

The grey smoke

Dancing

In the soft breeze.

"Because of business."

"Damn right."

"Miyako-sama told me that this family used to rival the Yukinoshita and the Hayama."

"Just how far is your relationship with my mother?"

He laughed

In mirth

And see

Before a recluse

Just another

Optimist.

The doctor

Whose medicine

Was laughter.

Alas

Long gone

Were those days.

"I haven't heard those names in a long time."

He sighed.

"I'll be honest with you kid. You don't look like the the kind of guy Yumi-chan would be into. But I guess it's better than that blonde son of a bitch."

The man chuckled once more

And the cynic

Tentatively let out a cough

To excuse himself.

He would not know

But she

The fire queen

Had similar attitudes

A side he rarely saw

With her father.

"I told Ma, that I wasn't going to marry my little girl to a Hayama, just so she can finally overpower another goddamn aristocrat."

The man smiled wryly

And turned to him

Sharp dark eyes

Penetrating.

"I just hope that you wouldn't fuck her over. God forgive me, what I'll do to you if she gets hurt."

The cynic stepped backwards

Raising his hands a bit

Humble gesture

He meant no harm.

Indeed

It was certain

If that blonde woman

Had a mother hen complex

Expect no less

From this

Alpha wolf.

"I know. You would not approve of a relationship between me and her."

He shook his head.

"No, no. You don't get it, do you?"

"I know. That's what fathers do. What you do."

"You don't know shit about me."

The man in the white coat

Let out a dry laugh

Rubbing a shoe

On the tiled porch.

"You have a good ear for listening, son. But you think too much."

Think too much?

"I would say, you and I are alike. But only because you are coming down the wrong road, as I have."

Listen.

Here is another tale

Of a man

A father

The origins

Of a cynic.


	78. Beneath III

"I used to be head over heels for this Englishwoman.

She was gorgeous.

Just a real beauty.

And full of life."

"So me and her,

we dated for a while.

A long while.

Then, one day, we got to talking.

I told her how much I loved her."

A pause.

"And she looked at me and told me 'I don't love you. I never will.'"

"What did you do?"

"I told her, I thought I could change that.

Maybe she didn't love me right now,

but she would eventually."

"She said okay. And we stayed together. And we fought. We fought alot."

"And then I realized.

I had made a big mistake."

"She had given me her youth, and now it was gone.

I did not know how to get out of it. And then she got sick.

And she was dying."

"So I made good with her, and I stuck by her.

And then she died.

And I felt horrible."

"Because I felt like here was this woman who didn't want to be with me,

she told me that,

and I ignored it."

"And she was spending the end of her life with someone she didn't love.

And now, she is gone."

"A part of me felt relieved that I was freed out of this relationship,

and that made me feel so terrible,

I couldn't deal with it.

I couldn't tell our daughter."

He takes a deep breath, and looks at the young man to his side.

"The fuckin' point is,

People are always trying to tell you how they feel.

Some of them say it outright,

and some of them,

they tell you with their actions."

"And you have to listen.

I do not know what will happen between you and Yumiko."

"I think you are a good person, Hikigaya-san. And I hope you get what you want.

But do me a favor; Listen, and do not ignore what you hear."


	79. Author's Note

**Author's note; just so you, audience, have an idea of what and what will unfold..**

**(all info here is adapted and based on canon, actual Oregairu storyline. [with major augments)**

The Cynic and Fire Queen plot

...

Storyline Year: 2017-2019

...

Yukinoshita Yukino, AKA **Ice Queen**, age 16. born 2001, January 3

Mother is a **businesswoman** and **de facto head of the family, referred as the "**_**Real Ice Queen**_"

Father is a **politician, member of the Chiba prefecture diet, CEO of a certain construction company, referred to as the "**_**Father of Ice"**_

**Studied in the USA** during **elementary and middle school, for eight years **(Grades 1-6, 1st-2nd years)

Transferred back to Japan during third year of middle school (Random school)

Currently in Soubu High, second year

**Yukinoshita Haruno is her older sister**

**Youngest of the two heirs of the Yukinoshita Family**

**...**

**...**

Hayama Hayato, AKA the **Prince**, age 17. born 2000, September 28

**Father** is a **lawyer and legal advisor to Mr. Yukinoshita, referred to as the "King"**

Mother is a **doctor of medicine **

Grandfather on mother's side is a family doctor

**Studied in the USA **during **elementary and middle school for nine years** (Grades 1-6, 1s-3rd years)

Transferred back to Japan and into Soubu High after finishing middle school

**Sole heir of the Hayama Family**

Currently in Soubu High, second year

…..

…..

Miura Yumiko, AKA the **Fire Queen**, age 16. born 2001, December 12

**Father (Miura Saitou) is a former statesman and businessman, currently a travelling physician, referred as the "_Recluse_"**

**Mother is an wealthy Englishwoman from England, passed away when Yumiko was 10 years old**

**Grandmother (Miura Miyako) is a businesswoman and machiavellian, referred as the "_Sage_"**

**Studied in the USA **during **elementary and middle school for nine years** (Grades 1-6, 1s-3rd years)

Transferred back to Japan and into Soubu High during third year of middle school

Currently in Soubu High, second year

**Intended heir of the Miura Family**

…..

…..

Hikigaya Hachiman, AKA the "**Cynic**" age 17. Born 2000, August 8

Father and mother are **corporate workers under a business influenced by the Yukinoshita**

**Advanced studying in different academic disciplines** (Mathematics, Science, arts)

A cynic, logician and philosopher

**Close friend **of Miura Yumiko

**Becomes an "éminence grise" to the Miura Family**

"_**Assistant**_**" of Miura Miyako**

**Rival of Haruno and eventually, the Yukinoshita and Hayama**

…

**...**

Yukinoshita Haruno, AKA the "**Devil**" age 20. Born 1997, july 7

Mother is a **businesswoman**, **COO **(second in command) **of her husband's corporation **and **de facto head of the family, referred as the "**_**Real Ice Queen**_"

Father is a **politician, member of the Chiba prefecture diet, CEO of a corporation, referred to as the "**_**Father of Ice"**_

_**Studied Law and Politics, successor to Mr. Yukinoshita**_

**Studied in the USA** **alongside Yukino** during **elementary, middle and high school, for eight years **(**Grades 4-6, 1st-3rd years, Senior High 1-3rd years**)

Transferred back to Japan during third year of middle school (Random school)

Currently in college

**Yukinoshita Yukino is her younger sister**

**Oldest heir of the Yukinoshita Family**

…

The Miura Family is the former rival of the Yukinoshita and Hayama. Their wealth is bigger than the two combined, until a feud caused the Miura to split.

The Hayama Family is currently the wealthier of the three, acting as the legal advisor and ally of the Yukinoshita. Former ally of the Miura.

The Yukinoshita is currently the most powerful of the three, controlling the politics and corporate world in Chiba.

…..

…..

…..

….-

September - October

….-

**Unkillable** [after cultural festival] (8man social suicide)

**Consequence **(8man&Yumiko confrontation)

**Antidote** (leaving the club, 8man&Yumiko friendship)

**Tandem** (8man&Yumiko bonding)

….-

November

….-

**Revelations** [after Kyoto arc.] (AU. Yumiko asks the service club about Hayato's future courses earlier than in canon.) (8man&Hayato confrontation)

**Pawns** (8man rebuilds Yumiko's clique)

**Puppets **(8man&Haruno confrontation)(Hayama confession to Yumiko)

**Avarice** (Miura Yumiko monologues)

….-

[Pas Calais arc. Non-canon] all within 2 days

[**Ties** (Haruno invitation, 1st day) november 29

**Purple** (8man&Yumiko date/talk) nov. 30

**Dangerous** (8man/Yukinoshita confrontation) **7:00pm**

**Machiavellian **(Hayato/Haruno/Yukino conflicts, Miyako intro.) **9:00pm**

**Façade** (8man&Hayama confrontation) **past ten, (10:45pm ?)**

**Schism** (8man&Yumiko rising action, Yumiko's internal struggle)] **way past eleven,** (**11:40** ?)

….-

December

….-

**[Friction **(Dec. 3, Thursday evening) (8man&Yumiko resolution, Yumiko&Hayato fight)

**Sage** (8man&Miyako talk)

**Point** (8man&Miyako talk)

**Lucency** (8man&Yumiko resolution)

**Checkmate** (8man&Haruno confrontation, rising action)]

**[Shatter** (Dec. 4, Friday evening-midnight) (Yumiko's attempt)

**Withered** (the attempt)

**Despair** (8man's monologues)

**Fragments** (8man&Saito confrontation, falling action)]

[**Prejudice** (Miyako&Saito confrontation, 8man monologues) (Dec.5)

**Beneath** (Miura backstory, rising action)]

…

…

…

_I'll say, the next part of the story will be loaded with __**political intrigues and suspense**_ _between the __**devil**__, the __**cynic **__and the __**three rival families.**_

…

Extra; a comment I found on the Oregairu Wiki about Haruno ( below)

Given the amount of silence I've seen in this page since the last volume came out four months ago, I think it's fair to say that most of us agree that Wataru Watari made a mistake by wasting such a well-written character like Haruno in the conclusion of the series. I mean, she practically shaped the present of the story as a key figure in both Yukino and Hayato's past (**as well as her possible involvement in Hachian's accident** during his first year at highschool) and then WW decided to drop everything related to her and these topics in a rather anticlimactic resolution despite the dramatic confrontations between her and the service club and most importantly the uncertain emotional exchanges between her and Hachiman.

Let us remember that, as of Volume 13, it appeared that Yukino was going through some harsh situation, justifying all the melodrama and secrecy that had taken over the mood in the series during the latest volumes. And then, it turned out that nothing was wrong with her at all, and out of nowhere starts to "date" Hachiman. I don't like to complain, but it felt as if she pretended to be troubled just to get everyone's attention (including Hachiman and the readers). Seriously, I was expecting a coherent explanation for this odd behavior. Instead we got this fan service of an ending. Speaking of this, it's not an exaggeration to state that most fans enjoyed Volume 14 only because Hachiman ended up with Yukino, even if both of them acted way out of character (which is why I see this ending for what it is: AN UNDESERVED FAN SERVICE).

I did promise that I wouldn't write any other comment in this wiki, but there are still so many things to say about Haruno that I believe it was worth the effort to point this out. Unfortunately for us, as I suspected, Haruno was never meant for us to know entirely (much less to understand her), and it doesn't seem that the Anthology Volumes will even attempt to explore her character and all the trials she's been facing on her own at the hands of her parents and others. Instead, they will focus on Komachi and, of course, Yukino yet again.

**That's what hurts me the most: that I'll never be able to discover the real Haruno beneath the mask.**

…

**_Now, let us try to unmask the character, that is Haruno Yukinoshita._**


End file.
